CatsTail

Okay well no point wasting energy being surprised or stunned, he's been a binge waiting to happen.

Time to be pro-active and make some decisions for yourself.

Ngaire

ASpouse

It's not your issue or your problem that he was drinking. What purpose did it serve that you know? I believe I know the answer I'm going to get, but I'd like to hear your reasoning for needing to or having to know he was drinking.

megamysterioso

Sorry deettah and what drama. IMO, it really is time for you to take the final measures you need to remove yourself permanently from this mess. We all come to our breaking point at our own time. You will know when you've hit yours. This is such a waste of your energy that it's sad.

deettah

Judy, I didn't need to know he was drinking. I didn't even suspect it until I walked over to the car and smelled it. I didn't ask him over to the house to check. He just showed up. It did not really serve me any purpose except to finally, FINALLY show me that he was not trying to recover for the right reasons. He was doing it to apease me, not for himself like he should have been. As of Monday I will be finding out what I need to do to file a formal seperation so that I am protected finacially until I can afford to proceed with a divorce. The good news is that I have a couple of job interviews next week and they will pay enough, should I get one of them, that I will be able to catch up on bills and get going with getting on with my life. I totally understand your perspective Judy, but as I said, I wasn't checking up on him, he showed up here and I had no reason to suspect that he had been drinking until he rolled down the window and I smelled it.

megamysterioso

Ooooohhh-- good luck on those interviews and I hope you get an offer. That would help you so much right now. Sounds like smart plan of action to me. It's always good to financially protect yourself. Stay strong woman!

deettah

Update here, I found out from a friend that AH was pulled over in a town 20 miles from here because of my call. AH was given field sobriety and failed. When he was taken in they had him give urine because of the rampant meth problem around here I assume or they suspected more than just alcohol, anyway he passed the urine test. They put him in the sober tank for the night and his parent's bailed him out in the morning. According to the friend, AH doesn't remember much, he has no recollection of coming here a second time, he thinks his memories are all from the first visit even though they are a mix of things from both visits. He was fired from his job and has admitted himself into inpatient treatment. He sent a message to me through the friend that he knows why I called the police and that I did what I had to do and that he understands, he says he thinks he hit his bottom. I didn't feel guilty about it though like I thought I would. I knew he needed to get off of the road for everyone's safety. He told our friend that he thinks he was trying to get me to save him. I know that is true. I almost wish I had but I am glad that I didn't, does that make sense? I ordered the legal separation papers yesterday so that is in process. I feel pretty emotional about all of it and haven't slept much. I am thinking of selling my house and moving away from here. I feel like running away and starting over.

megamysterioso

Hang in there Deettah and good job filing those papers. You should never feel guilty about this. In fact, you've just done him the greatest favor of his life if he uses this opportunity to seek recovery and stay on that path. Rescuing does absolutely nothing other than shelter our As from the consequences of their own actions. You're going great. Moving may very well be good for you. Think about YOUR future here first and foremost. It's up to your AH to pave his own way.

deettah

I feel like I am in the throes of a codie death grip but I'm trying to pull myself out of it. Thanks Mega for the words of encouragement!

gypsyrose

Oh Deettah, I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Sometimes you have to go through the fire to get to the other side. Congratulations on getting out of the burning building safely. When I think about the possibility of having to leave my AH if he doesn't continue to get better, I comfort myself with the thought that, even though it would be difficult at first, eventually everything would be okay. At least you know everyone is safe and can spend your time being good to yourself instead of worrying about him today.