4LeafClover

I am so sick of talking. I don't ever want to talk again. I'm so tired of going through the same thing over and over again. I just want to find the strength that I used to have so much of. I wish it was something else that was breaking up the relationship, like cheating or just indifference. But that's what makes it so hard. There's a lot of love there, you would have to be blind not to see it. I know God never gives you more than you can handle, but I feel so overwhelmed. I can't even keep my tears in anymore. I can feel the tension all through my body. I had spinal fusion surgery a couple of years back, and I've learned to deal with back pain. But this is so much more. I have been so tense for so long that not even my pills (which are prescribed and rarely used, and NEVER given to him) can make my back feel better. He knows what he's losing, but his addiction keeps him from doing anything about it. At least one good thing about this whole relationship is that I'm getting a better understanding of substance abuse, and maybe later in my career I will be able to help those who are ready to make their lives better. Either that or the stress has gotten so bad that I'm delusional. But I want anyone reading this to know that everyone on this message board has done more for me in the past week than I have been able to do for myself for the past 6 months. Ya'll are a blessing, and I am so thankful for having found this.

greenapplecider

tyvm for sharing and being here 4leaf

((((4leaf))))

megamysterioso

(((4leaf))) Many hugs and prayers to you sweetie. I understand what you mean about finding this site. It was a real godsend for me at the time as well and it still is for that matter.

It really is natural to feel this pain, anger, loss and sadness. Please vent all you need to any time. Allow yourself to feel your feelings now b/c to deny them would only makes things worse for you in the long run. Letting go of the ones we love is so hard to do. It is really a necessary step in "fighting" addiction. Enabling only makes it easier for the addict to continue the addiction and it makes life miserable for us. Letting go is most oftentimes the best gift we can give them. It is certainly the best gift we can give ourselves. More hugs to you.

deettah

****HUGS**** Keep your head high 4Leaf. You will come to realize that you will amaze yourself with strength you didn't think you had.

GettingFree

Believe it or not, you're doing great and showing a lot of strength. Like mega says, the feelings you're experiencing are all a normal part of what you're going through. But you're searching and seeking and learning as you go. I'm not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but have you read Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie? It was a great help to me, and many others here.

Hang in there and keep posting,

best
gf

loristreily

Just remember that this too shall pass... My prayers are with you.

LaTeeDa

Accepting that is a huge step. Realizing that there is nothing you can do to make him see takes tremendous strength and clarity. And it lifts a heavy burden from you.

(())

L

Pick-a-name

(((4leaf))) I'm sorry.........I understand exactly what you are saying and feeling....I am soooo tired of it,too.

Glad you are here...keep posting.

I hope you are "spoiling" yourself a little bit EVERY day and being extra kind and gentle to yourself.

libralady

You are brave and strong sweetheart! I know that you will be fine, nomatter what! Please look after you!!

Janitw

Oh - 4Leaf - sweetie - my heart aches for you....but you don't want cheating involved believe me. It all just hurts. And the tears will stop. Mine are almost done I hope, and together we all stand as one so the alcoholics that are involved in our lives are really up against an army. United we stand. Love Ya, sending big hug!!!

Janet