mallowcup

There is a whole new generation of young men who grew up without fathers. They do not know how to be husbands of fathers because they had no mentors. They want what they need and they need what they didn't have. There is a whole new generation of girls who make lousy wives and mothers, they can't cook or clean. Both young men and women lack the skills that they were never taught.

pmaslan

I totally agree with you Mallow....very sad in the big picture....

Jazzman

Since we're reminiscing here... I was born in 59.
As far as I can tell my parents generation viewed their roles as this:
Dad - Keep a roof over the families head and food in the fridge, bounce baby on knee for 10 minutes, and then hand back to Mom..
Mom - Everything else. LOL!!
Schools - Educate the kids.
Church - Teach kids right from wrong.
Job done, wait to retire!

The good news about my generation is most of my male friends share the "everything else" load and most of my female friends share the "roof over the head" load. AS WELL AS own the education and right from wrong responsibility too.

As it worked out for me, my Father was a non-participant in raising us... period! That's why my Moms goal was to NOT raise me to be like my Father! LOL!!! (she use to joke that someday I’d make someone and excellent wife - back on OT original topic OT).

I have NO idea how 100% custody single parents manage. I have 50/50 custody of #1 and #2 son w/ their mom. My boys see me do everything when they're with me, and see their Mom do everything when they're with her. I like it like that. That’s life.

DesertEyes

Heya gf,

Yup, but we're getting there faster

My daughter seems to have a handle on it. She owns and manages a small company with her hubby. Each one has an "ex" to manage as well, and a kid tangled in that "ex". That in itself is a huge strain on the relationship as each one is unahappy with how the other is handling the ex and the associated kid. They also have two more kids of their own, which adds up to one scrambled family. They do a great job of sharing the household chores, including cooking and making shared decisions.

My perception is that the stress of a scrambled family, on top of owning a business in a weak economy, is far greater than what my generation experienced. There may be less inequality between the genders, but the stress levels are higher. They both have the usual ACA issues as well, but for the most part they handle it well. No program for them though, a few shrinks and the ocassional call to daddy and they do just fine

The two oldest grandkids are reaching 18-hood, we're all praying for them. Hard to see the little baby birds stretch their wings and fly off.

Mike

DesertEyes

Hey there mega,

noooooooooo. See the avatar? I'm an overworked broccoli

welllllll.... maybe cuz you're a little on the young side for old farts like me We should start our own online dating service. Call it FecesAmalgamated.com *lol*

Mike

GettingFree

I agree. Living today in general is far more stressful and combined with that, we put far higher expectations on ourselves than we ever did before.

It sounds like you did a good job though Mike! Watching the baby birds leave the nest is my next big transition. The first one to leave is planning to move out in August/September. And the next one may be close on his heels. Yikes. Lots of feelings about it all.

megamysterioso

We'd give eharmony a run for their money-- LOL.

I agree with the stress levels being higher these days really. The economy is simply one in which it is TOOOOO difficult to live comfortably without both parties working outside of the home. That is of course unless one party is making some serious bank. Also, with the prevalence of blended families and all the stress that it too can bring, it is a wonder that household "duties" are maintained as well as they are!

It does seem however, that even though I was born in 71, that I have yet to involve myself with a man of my generation that believes in contributing equally in daily household maintanence. There are still MANY "traditionalist" type views out there that are just very unrealistic in today's world.

Good luck with all those transitions Mike and GF!!

Live

Jazz, once a month...you have got to be kidding. No such thing as a free lunch.

Hey, I dated this guy once for a short time and found him rude and absolutely ignorant of relationships...plus I suspect he was an alcoholic....he proposed to me with "Wouldn't you like to be a rich heiress one day?"
(GAG ME)

Anyway...my daughter is 23, her fiance is 30 and they have the most amazing relationship. There is no arbitary division of chores. They share them all in such a smooth seamless manner. He does dishes most time...because she really hates that, but she does them too. They both cook. They both do laundry. They both raise the 4 year old equally. They both tear down sheds together and spread gravel on the driveway. They have great respect for each other. I think they are one of the happiest couples I have ever seen.

Jazzman

Wow.. Now that really surprises me... I wonder if geographical data comes into to play here? Up north, down south or out west.... big city/burbs or small town?

I see way more equality in my generation and younger where I live. Hmmm, curious. Or maybe it's just the women around my area just don't tolerate that crap... I dunno?

Jazzman

Well I guess I could do better than that....

But if that were the case I suppose I'd be in it for love and NOT just to be a wife... LOL!!!

megamysterioso

Well Jazz- I am from the deep south and I will be the first to admit that it is true--- we are "behind the times" on many, many things.

chrisea

liveweyerd,
I know a couple like your daughter's... they have been married Happily (not to say they don't argue) but they are helpers, best friends... to each other for over 30 yrs. She actually had to tell him to stop buying so many flowers, because they couldn't always afford them & they have children. But thru the yrs they still do nice things for each other and he continues to take care of, like her car, help with cleaning, etc. It nice to know there are a few out there...

sunshinebluesky

ok,its late..im tired..so i dont have alot to contribute at the moment.but,i have to say this...i have noticed that the last few men i have dated,and my one son,too--love to cook.actually,love to cook too much for me!! they are know it alls in the kitchen,and have made me lazy as all hell................

Minx1969

Yeah...there are some good guys left..even those in their 30's..I have one of them..and I'm not going to let go of him..

As many of you know L and I are in premaritial counselling as a precursor to getting engaged..

Alot of what we talked about the first session was division of roles..

I'm lucky in that we both agree in division of housework..he likes cars so he takes care of that..I like to grocery shop so I'll do that...neither of us likes to scrub toilets so we will hire someone to do that...

I think the biggest thing is like Live said about her daughter - I have the utmost respect for L (which I really didn't in my relationship with my exabf..sad..) and he has a lot of respect for me..

now..we aren't perfect but when I'm mad at him I still respect him..and vice versa..

definately makes life a lot easier since I respect him and like him and love him too..

PS..we've decided to forgo the prenup...at this point we have about the same in assets and earning power (I have some more debt from student loans) but we want to build our finances together...he's very generous especially now that I'm looking for work..

I still think I'll need a wife though to do all the other stuff we never get around to doing..