guyinNC

FIL called me yesterday. My WW has not contacted anyone since she ran off with her rehab lover almost two weeks ago. Sounds like she was not sober while she was back at home. They found liquor bottles hidden in her room.

FIL is talking to her therapist and I guess the rest of her family.....trying to decide what, if anything to do.

Not my place to get involved, we are legally separated and I do not want to be charged with harrassment. But I do hope she gets better.

ICU

I don't see how you could be charged with harrassment provided you are keeping your focus on 'you' and the kids!

Jazzman

Having once planned one, I found it very helpful to read up on it. (Plenty of books at Amazon, search for intervention). I also found it very helpful to discuss it in detail with the qualified facilitator that was to lead it.

IMO your folks-in-law should research it in great detail and you should not be involved in it.

robina

It's understandable - they love their daughter and do not want to see her die from this disease.

You have to decide what is best for your own recovery, and your peace of mind. Also, you need to consider what is best for your kids.

However, if they are planning a well organized, structured, professional intervention, your presence might help. (...or maybe not - I don't know all the circumstances)

God bless

guyinNC

I do not think my involvement will help, at least in the actual intervention. Last face it, she is with another man.......her X husband being there would not be wise.

I will give them the information I have on where to find her and who I think would be good to have at the intervention. I might even help with money.

She has a funny family though, good people but not a real close bunch. They also have a habit of ignoring things, not talking about these kinds of issues.....sweeping them under the rug.

Plus, another fact is the WW chose to be where she is right now and does not want to bothered or reminded about reality.

The FIL is talking with her therapist.....I would assume he would recommend a course and strategy for an intervention if they decide to go through with it.

Jazzman

I don't think you would have anything to offer as far as, "check into rehab or we're divorced"... or "check into rehab because I love you". You present a bridge she's already burned. See my point? The kids would be another story of course but I'm not sure I would thrust them into that kind of situation.... How would the girls handle that? You Know? Would it do them more harm than good?

elizabeth1979

Guy, I know that hurting people hurt others. So, I am not meaning to hurt you with these words.

Why?
What are you hoping to accomplish?
She has proven over and over that your opinion, feelings, presence, and control, are not things she values. Its painful to be thrown away and not needed anymore and left with no one to control. You keep picking at the scab, it wont heal this way.

Referring to her as your Wayward Wife rubs me wrong.
I mentioned the definition of wayward in another post..Ill mention it another time.

Wayward: childishly self-willed, not obedient or easily controlled.

Guy, you operating under the assumption that she is a child or something for you to control.

The only thing that will make you feel better is to stop focusing on her, her lover, her drinking ,her parents...and start focusing on you. If you cant do that yet, focus on your kids. When a codependent parent focuses on the alcoholic, children get neglected.

guyinNC

Her father called me about intervention.

I have done all I can........but this is his daughter.

I'm not going to get involved, nor my children in an intervention. She is no longer my responsibility.

It is up to her family, her blood relations on how to proceed. I wish them the best of luck, for she is a life worth saving.

Cynay

I think every life is worth saving.... but the person has to want to be saved hon.

You are involved if you financially help with this... You continue to make her your responsibility by having even a pinky finger in it.... and I do say this with only concern for you.

Wish them the best, but dont linger ....

Jazzman

She never was....
You can view a partner as your responsibility, or you can view your partner as your partner... big difference.

pmaslan

Love that Jazz....you got it....

Zoey

guy...I so hope her parents can pull it off. A life saved is great.

I feel you very much should NOT go near this, as I can hear her screaming, "You put them up to this, etc. etc." and then no way would she listen.

If anyone needed money for something like this, I would gladly help if I had it, as there is always hope if they are still breathing. She also is the mother of your childern. Tome that means to help in their name.
As always just my thoughts. hugs

denny57

I agree with Clancy - as long you don't have any expectations regarding contributing money, it would be helping in their name. She is their mother.

guyinNC

Thanks guys.......I have no idea if they will follow through, its up to them.

But she was once a wonderful wife and mother. This new person is something else....the power of alcohol.

megamysterioso

Keep your focus on you and the kids guy. Let her family handle it as they wish. You know that it is only her WILLINGNESS to change that will make one ounce of difference in this. There's nothing more YOU can do IMO other than let her go and continue with the rest of your life. She is surely doing so in hers.