Update from Me
 

Hi All! I haven't posted about myself and my situation in a while. I bet you all thought things were going well. HA! I wish. To bring you all up to speed quickly, my AH got out of jail on March 20th with a bracelet and he had to attend a daily program 4-days per week. At the program he got a urine test each time. He behaved and didn't drink. On April 25th or so he had the bracelet removed and he didn't have to attend the daily program anymore. And I'm sure on the way home that day he bought himself a bottle, or at least within a day or two after. He's been given a color for urine testing and as usual, he's gotten a color that they might call once a month. He knows the game so he'll take his chances.

Anyway, my first clue to his drinking was that at times I thought I smelled it on him. He would drink in tiny bits so as not to get noticibly drunk. But not anymore! Once again tonight I have come home to a stumbling drunk! So drunk he didn't remember to hide his bottle before I got home. It was right out on the counter in plain sight. I brought it out to him and told him he was slipping. He said "F-you". I then told him to leave and he did. Walked off down the street into an area where they are building new homes. No homes yet, just lots of dirt. And we've just had a thunderstorm. Oh well, what do you want. He's a drunk.

I called and left a message with his parole officer and I asked him to call me at work tomorrow. I'm recinding my "Home Sponsorship". He's on parole until mid July. I don't know where they'll send him. Maybe a sober house or something or maybe back to jail. He'll never get sober living here. If they do a urine test on him tomorrow I guarantee he'll pee out a positive!

Coming home to a drunk just absolutely sucks. And all his talk about how jail made such an impression on him. Blah, blah, blah, ...

So that's it from here. Take care

(((((TG)))))

A bunch of us were wondering on your birthday how you were doing. I wish the news was better.....You sound pretty "together", even if inside you are probably feeling all sorts of emotions.

Don't be a stranger, hon. I miss seeing you around.

Belated Happy Birthday! What a bummer to come home and find H in that condition. What a strong woman u are to make that call, your recovery is shining through. You made a tough choice that will help u to have some peace and hopefully he will hit "his" bottom. Take Care of u!!! Kerry

Thank you for the birthday wishes and responses Minnie and Kerry! Actually I'm not all that torn up inside. The time while he was in jail really was good for me. The physical aliments I was experiencing, which were all stress induced by the way, had disappeared. Once he got off the bracelet they came back. My therapist. who is usually so mild mannered, go so angry when I told her he was drinking again and that the ailments had returned. She said I had saved that man's life so many times, put up with so much, when was I going to save my own life? She said people can become very sick and die from stress induced physical ailments. She was right. It's time I saved myself. I'm really sick of having an addict in my life. I'm normal ... sort of. lol What is it like to be with someone who is sort of normal too? I've never known it. I've spent most of my adult life in the shadow of a depressed alcoholic. I'm getting away from that shadow and getting myself into the light, my own light!

you know - i was thinking something just like that today - except i can say i've spent almost my ENTIRE life like that. i hope i am learning enough about myself in recovery that i don't spend anymore of my life like that. hang tough TG - you are worth it.

((TG)) I agree with reader - great recovery on your part. I absolutely can relate to the stress induced physical problems. Mine also disappeared after my AH moved out. Hang in there and I hope things get back to better for you once he's out on his own again.

I would rather be alone
than to wish I was.

Take good care of yourself TG...
this is no dress rehearsal.

:c008:

TomsGirl, I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering how things were going. I'm sorry this is happening, but I absolutely love the way you're handling it. I see myself in your words and actions, it brings back a lot of memories (vbg). I have a deep admiration for you .... you go Girl!

So not even jail was his bottom .... as I suspected it would not be his bottom, it wasn't the bottom for my husband either. He'll hit it eventually TomsGirl, all on his own, in his own time. Sigh ........

I love that. I'm stealing it.

Thanks everyone. You have no idea how much your responses mean to me. Then again, you probably all do! lol I always thought it was so sad that he was wasting his life. But the real sadness is that I've wasted so much of my own! I can't wait for that return call from his parole officer tomorrow. I'll gladly let the corrections system take him off of my hands!