LovingMom

Oh wow..how I understand listening to them in a different conversation and hearing the words coming out of their mouths and somewhere in the deepest part of me I just wanted to strangle him. Momma is making me do this..or momma threw me out for a week..and on and on and onnnnn. I would at first try and reason with him..telling him son..now you know that isn't the truth..that never happened..or it didn't happen like that. But in his mind it did and so I finally gave up and let him lead his deluded life. His "friends, Homeboys etc" the would have his back in a second...we all gone the second his money and drugs were....Eeewww..seems a lifetime ago. But all the quaking in the world cant bother me now. I am a woman empowered.

Missy

I pray that you can live the serenity prayer:
Oh God grant me the serenity th accept the thingsIcannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

(( )))

Minx1969

wow Mega - he is a sick sick man..

which ring of Hell do you think he belongs in?

I'm glad you are getting out of there and I'm praying for your safe departure...

Live

I am worried about your statement regarding violence. Please keep a cell phone with you, do not hesitate to phone 911, get your important things together and in your car or perhaps into a friends' keeping as cars can be disabled.
Domestic violence doesn't just mean getting beat up, it means emotional abuse as well...if need be I know that a shelter would give you a place to stay while you safely put your plans together and in action.
MAIN thing...keep yourself safe!

LaTeeDa

Mega, I can relate to what you are going through. I had asked (more like told) my husband to leave. I gave him a month because I figured he needed time to find a place to stay. After about three weeks, we had a huge argument and he up and left that day. Until he actually left, I think he still believed that I wasn't going to go through with it. It is hell living with someone you don't want to be near. Just keep thinking about how peaceful your life will be...........

L

GettingFree

I don't know what your move-out day is -- but like Live said, please be careful.

Stay safe -- and keep your eye on the renewed peace you'll be gaining.

best,
gf

LaTeeDa

Oh, I just wanted to mention that when my son wanted his room rearranged after my husband moved out, I went to the hardware store and bought some of those plastic things you put under it and slide across the carpet. They worked great and I managed to move things that I NEVER could have by myself.

Just a thought. (Might freak him out thinking you are way stronger than you look, LOL)

L

MsPINKAcres

Mega,
I love cartoons, probably because my grandchildren love to watch them over and over and over again - "Finding Nemo" is one of our favs - When the Dentist' niece, Darla is banging on the glass where the starfish is she says "Find a Happy Place, Find a Happy Place" - so I use the tools my HP gives me - when I feel those unhealthy people, places and things are banging on my serenity - I "Find a Happy Place, Find a Happy Place" whether it is mentally or physically" -
Wishing you a "Happy Place"
see ya,

denny57

When all h broke loose in my life, all my friends made the offer to me to stay with them. Do you have anyone you could do the same with and then just come back and get your stuff on moving day?

Why do you stay in the craziness?

BigSis

Mega... I am sorry this is happening to you, but I am with Live on this one... safety first, foremost and always.

You might want to call a local women's shelter to find out what resources may be available to you in an emergency. Be sure to have the numbers you might need say - in the middle of the night. Be aware of the process used to get you into a shelter. Keep a safety bag packed and available - with one credit card, a little money, a book of checks, change of clothes and any meds you might need.

I know this sounds like overkill... but better to have it and not need it than...

When I got into recovery a while (and it took a WHILE), I remember feeling so proud that I could let my daughter ramble and yell on and on and on... and not have any idea what she had said later. I just didn't let myself listen.

He does NOT define you. His words are totally from the drug, and the drug is senseless and without morals. He is an automaton running at the beck and call of a chemical. He is not the man you married, he is an active addict.

You are in charge of you, and totally capable of being in charge of you. You have all the skills, you have resources (and it OK to tap those NOW... this IS the rainy day/emergency situation that makes asking parents for money OK!!!), you have abilities and knowledge that will keep you where you need to be.

Perhaps his full relapse is your HP's way of getting away and helping you break those last emotional ties. When I couldn't detach with love... I found that I could pretty much detach with anger. The important thing today, is to detach and get focused on your NEEDS.

I wish you the best - and don't forget to gather up the phone numbers you may need.

((((Mega)))))

Zoey

mega, I always want people to be safe, I do hope you will call shelters or crisis lines if you haven't already, just to see what is available. Noone knows how ugly they can get. BIG HUGS

megamysterioso

Thank you so much everyone. I do have all emergency numbers that I need programmed into my cell phone. I also have the overnight bag of clothes and essentials in my car. I have some spare cash hidden and today I rented a storage locker so I can slowly begin moving my things over and not be rushed. I plan on taking the most important things to me over there first thing tomorrow.

Denny- unfortunately, all my friends and family members that would have me stay for that long are out of state. I really don't have any friends here- just work acquaintances and my AH's family. AH's family and I are on good terms and they do understand his anger issues and already told me that if I "need a place to go in an emergency" that I could come out there any time day or night. I feel good knowing that I do at least have SOMEWHERE to go if need be.

I hope you all come back and read this as well. BIG news--- I have filed for divorce. I paid the attorney today and everything. He should have the papers ready for us to sign as soon as Monday. Hopefully AH will hold his end of the deal (not holding my breath) and actually go w/me to sign them. We'll see. I am a bit nervous b/c AH is not home yet (rather unusual) and he KNOWS that I was going to file today. In fact, he "demanded" that I do it. We'll see how he takes the news when he finds out I actually followed through. Pray that things go OK.

Thank you friends. You are such a source of strength for me.

Cynay

I agree with Jazz... make sure you have that bag packed for a quick get away..... If you still have a month left it could get alot worse.

I know for me my ex-ah went off the deep in major after I moved.... If I thought he was a nut case before I left he SO proved to me that it could indeed become worse.

Prayers your way, keep it light and your eyes on the goal.

sunshine003

Man mega....sorry you're having to deal with this but I guess you knew it deep down. I don't know, sometimes I think it's a little easier when they're showing their true colors.

We should have gotten our ah's together long ago....we could have had front row seats....I bet by the end of night they'd get in a fist fight, LOL.....well, on second thought, Jerry isn't my thing.

What's weird is I bet tonight he'll be all nice.

megamysterioso

Thanks Cynay and I will be careful. I cannot really anticipate anything with him anymore. Things change so quickly with him.

Pick-a-name

OT--whenever I hear or see that, I laugh. I used to work at a dental office (really! haha) for my dad and uncle and then when my cousin joined the practice, he was all about "updating" everything. One thing he did in his room was put up "relaxing posters" on the ceiling where you would see it while you were having your work done. One of my friends at work and I got the biggest kick out of one he had .......kinda could (we made it this way in jest between us re: cranky patients ) It said: "Find a place you like and go there!" haha at best it could mean to "get lost". When we had a long, annoying day one of us would often say to the other, I hope "xyz finds a place he/she likes and goes there,soon". That always puts me in a Good place" when I hear that expression or a similar one like "find a happy place.." Maybe you will think of this story and get a chuckle some day....sounds like you could use one. Wish your AH would find a place he likes, but I am glad you have one figured out and will be going there soon.

megamysterioso

Yes Pick- I can use all the laughs I can get these days. When I saw the lawyer today, he said, "I'm sure he's put you through Hell" while he was looking at me like he was thinking, "you look like Hell." It almost made me laugh out loud in a bizarre way. He looked so concerned that I was thinking, "that bad huh???" LOL. I'm back to a better version of my old self soon enough though. That's the plan anyway.

Yeah Sunshine- they would throw down if those 2 ever got drunk together! I'll skip that match thank you .

Tally

Good luck xxx

kermit

Sorry so late in my reply. You are in my prayers, (always) You are so strong. Keep thinking ahead, it's almost over and you can enjoy you life. Stay safe and always have a phone close by.

Live

Do remember...the most dangerous time is when we leave.
I myself moved a big scary guy in with me to babysit and be my bodyguard. Even that didn't stop everything....but I knew ex wouldn't want witnesses.