Janitw

I'm so very sad right now I just want to cry....my divorce will be final in just over a week and my AH who files for it hasn't even tried to contact me once since it was filed last August. Is it that he just can't face me and the kids after a 9 month live in affair with his hooch? He left her 7 weeks ago and where he is I'm not for certain but still miss him terribly. I'm I just nuts or what? I don't think I can face him at the hearing..please give me some ideas. Love to All.

Janitw

Grasshopper

**************{Jan}}}}}}}}}}}}

reader

I am so sorry ur marriage is over. It must really hurt. If u don't mind me asking, how did his drinking affect u and the kids? I can understand the u miss him but he has made his bed and he will have to lie in it. Try to focus on u and the kids. Also try not to only remember only the good things in the marriage, many people do that. We gloss things over, I have no real advice as I have never gone through a divorce only a live in break up years ago. Keep ur chin up and do something nice for yourself. Why not color ur hair or buy a new lipstick. It works for my slumps. Remember u have no reason to dread facing him in court this is on him. Take care of u!!

pmaslan

It is normal to mourn the loss of a marriage, loss of any kind is difficult.
I would venture to say that ego has a bit to do with this considering
there was OW involved as well.
This is a very hard time for you right now, please be good to yourself.
I don't have much advise on how to prepare for the court date, but
just know that you have us to lean on and you will be in my prayers...
(((Janitw)))

Janitw

thanks guys... His alcoholism litterally tore the family apart. The kids even though they are 19 and 22 have both gone to the Army one of them even went AWOL. The pain and betrayal and abandonment has been the worst pain ever. The kids were glad at the beginning back in July when he first left us, then as time went on their pain had a delayed affect in some way. It's hard for me to explain it but it's real and it hurts them tremendously. I want to call my AH so bad but yet if I do then what? More of the same only then he may think that I will take whatever he has to dish out? I hope I can stay strong and stay the heck away from the phone. I have no idea how the kids would handle it if I were to reconcile with AH...they have told me months ago that they would never come home again if I did take him back again. But they are grown now and I'm alone and the suffering is huge to deal with. Gosh I wish I new what to do. ....I need help and I want to thank the two of you for letting me vent and for the hugs..please stay with me okay?

Pick-a-name

JanitW----------I'm sorry. We have some of the same things going on. We were in court last September but I just found out it "went thru" this week when he signed 2-1-06 (I never did). Ugh. I hate it..........

Our daughter graduates from high school next week.

This is all insane....me,included. Glad you are all here.

Hope it makes you feel a little better to know that I DO understand how you feel. This is one of the only places where I feel I can I can get my bearings.

For what it is worth, I couldn't look at him in the courtroom, or anyone. I probably looked up into space most of the time or shut my eyes. I prayed to God for His strength and comfort and I think He cushioned me....I was numb and can barely remember the day.

Big hug for you. I am so very sorry.

I just read your new post..even more alike. I know some say n/c...I still have contact. Do what is right for you. Pray about it and then let go and let God.

pmaslan

Not going anywhere JanitW...you can count on me on this forum and
the other one here that we exchange thoughts on.....

DesertEyes

Hey there Janitw, I'm so sorry you're going thru this pain. We are _all_ going to stick with you thru this. I'm praying for you and for your kids and even for your husband. You just come vent here anytime. Have you gotten in contact with the local al-anon people yet. I see in other posts where you said you were going to get help for yourself. Have you done that yet?

Mike

So Confused

My divorce will be final on July 12 and I too have second thoughts. My ex does not have a drinking problem but a major anger displacement issue. Not violent but verbally and emotionally it is unbearable. He swears not the case but I did not imagine it. I think related to his job in Law enforcement. He has tried to say we need to get back together but it is to pay his bills or listen to the constant abuse. What has helped me is I left for a reason and often I have to remind myself why. It does not take much. Try to remember why you left and why would you ever want to be there again. He does not seem to have changed and neither has mine. Based on that I just went through the past year of pain for what. It was for my peace and to remember that I am person and deserve better as do you. Do not give up!! You are strong and you can endure. When you go in the courtroom do not bring anger it only makes it harder bring sorrow for him. It must be a very painful thing to be him. Everything fades with time some longer than others but it will get better. If nothing else believe in you and know that you are better then what he has offered you and your children. Do not let the fact that your kids are away from home make you feel alone. Even if he was with you, you would still be alone. Have faith and know that everything happens for a reason. You may find yourself trying to find a reason for it all. Sometiomes it is years before you ever know the "WHY" and sometimes you never know. Sometimes it is because there is not a reason just believe that god has a plan for us all. I had a very hard time with needing to know why. I had prayed and tried everything and did not understand still "WHY?" I keep this prayer in my pocket and thought I would share.

Let Go and Let God
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend
But then instead of leaving him in peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own
At last I snatched them back and cried
How can you be so slow?
My child he said what could I do ?
You never did let go.

In my prayers ,I hope this helped you are not alone please come back to share or vent anytime. I found amazing help and advice here.

FormerDoormat

((((Janit)))) I'm sorry you're hurting. Even when both parties agree to end a relationship, it still hurts. Thankfully the pain fades over time.

megamysterioso

(((JanitW))) I'm sorry you are hurting too and will keep you in my prayers. Ultimately, it is for the best and you will see that one day I hope.

brdlvr

((((Janit)))

I feel for you. It does hurt. I hate that the disease takes good men (and women) and turns them into somebody else and not in a good way. Pray. that's what I"ve been doing.

denny57

Hi Janet

Thinking of you today.

pmaslan

Today is the day...thanks for reminding me Denny.
Please let us know how you are today....
You are in my thoughts as well.

Pick-a-name

(((Janet))))....thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers

megamysterioso

She filed for continuation. Not really sure what that means, but I thought she posted about it over the weekend (I guess a postponment??). Hope you're doing OK Janet.

denny57

In that post she said she thought it might be too late for any continuation she filed.

Either way, Janet ((()))

steve11694

very well put

at one point while doubting my own sanity, my aw left because living together was like being in an asylum.

although there was peace in the house i missed her so much. i missed her personality, her smile, her sense of humour, her hugs, he kindness. i so very miss the person that alcohol has taken away. i firsthand saw the changes.
we have a lovely 5 year old daughter that has given me the strength and inspiration to carry on. i see her lovely mother in her eyes.

telling her i love her and my world will stop to help her when she decides to quit i have planted the seed. i can only hope it grows.

this is not an easy thing to go through, probably the toughest thing i have ever gone through.


i wish you all the best and above all; serenity




"i was drowning in my sorrows, but my sorrows they learned to swim"

StandingStrong

Janet, I know that this is a very hard time for you. I hope that you have found some counseling to help you through this. Your children are of adult age and don't live with you anymore but alcohol has affected you all and it is time to take care of YOU.
Please let us know how you are doing.