my A received 30 day card last night!!!

Old 05-26-2006, 12:23 PM
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needuwell.. OK I am curious, what did you know you were going to do?
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Old 05-26-2006, 12:24 PM
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Um, hate to be a downer, but am I the only person who thinks that marrying him with 30 days, and only 9 months of a relationship is a trainwreck waiting to happen?
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Old 05-26-2006, 12:27 PM
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Nope-- you're not a "downer" Sarah. That's why I told her to listen to her "but." She should not rush into that IMO. They need to both give it PLENTY of time to develop.
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Old 05-26-2006, 01:18 PM
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needuwell, you have two identical posts here on SR.
Maybe I could sggest you go to the other one and direct them to this one
Like see Post with 23 replys.
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Old 05-26-2006, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by elizabeth1979
Um, hate to be a downer, but am I the only person who thinks that marrying him with 30 days, and only 9 months of a relationship is a trainwreck waiting to happen?

Nope, I think so, too. Total trainwreck, but if she already knows what she's going to do, then what we've suggested has been in vain, ya know?
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Old 05-26-2006, 01:57 PM
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I don't think any wisdom that is posted on this board is in vain. I lurked here for a good 3 or 4 months before I even signed up to post. I remember reading quite a bit of helpful ESH that made a real difference for me even when the original poster didn't take it to heart.

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Old 05-26-2006, 01:59 PM
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I stopped counting at 10 red flags. Maybe I'm just tired and hypersensitive.

Have you got a sponsor, needuwell? If not, perhaps you could look into getting one instead of "patiently waiting" for your OH to do so.

If in doubt, wait. That advice has stood me in good stead.
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Old 05-27-2006, 04:46 AM
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I think one determining factor is to give thought to the vows of the institution of marriage. Love and marriage are conditional to the vows being kept. If they aren't, it makes a mockery of a holy institution, and that won't be blessed. Sometimes people stand there take the vows and then can't figure out why their marriage isn't belssed. There are civil ceremonies where you make a deal. I feel very strongly that if you will be marriaed in a church that invites Gods blessings on the union, you must include Him everyday. We keep the vows we speak, but we have juist as much right to depend on the words spoken to us. I have come to this conclusion after years of being married to an alcoholic. I feel that my own marriage is a reflection of my love of God and the holy institution of marriage. I won't alledge to love God, honor marriage and live with someone who doesn't. No one is locked into a one sided marriage, it honors no one and insults God. It is no honor to God or yourself to remain in a relationship that would reduce the esteemed role of "wife " to less than a bottle of beer. We have to expect a persons best if they stand at the alter with us, not settle for the least and hope for the best. We really have to demand it. If I give my lifes focus to a man, I expect to be his lifes focus. That is not to the exclusion of everything else but that life needs to reflect who I am jioned with this man. It is a serious decision. I would get engaged and marry after one year of sobriety.
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Old 05-27-2006, 04:51 AM
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Engagement takes your lives in a mutual direction, after a year of sobriety , you can see how your life is whle both of you are headed in the same direction. If your intention if to marry, is he living up to that commitment? Is he able to keep the vows?
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Old 05-27-2006, 05:12 AM
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That is great that he got his chip!!! I would take things very slowly. A month is very little in the large picture of soberity. My H relapsed after a month or more, not that he will but it can happen. I had children a little later in life and I can tell u no matter how well we plan nothing can stress a person and a relationship like the addition of a child. I would wait a while if I was u,time is on ur side, women have children well into their 40's. Tell ur bf congrads from me!!!!
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