imherenow

Last week I quit Curves, then I didnt go to Church. This entire week Ive been thinking of quitting AlAnon. Thinking maybe its actually holding me back from going forward with my relationship with A husband. Planning on returning a book I borrowed from an AlAnon friend tomorrow morn just in case I dont return. Ive been doing ALOT of step reading/journaling and think it got to be too much. Nice weather is here and I dont want to plan on spending all my Sat mornings inside at a meeting.



Now Im thinking it doesnt need to be all or nothing. If/when theres a rainy Sat morn why not return to the meeting? When Im facing needing to testify in July (havent been subpoened yet) why not return to a meeting? And when the fall weather returns why not return to Sat morn meetings?



Anyone else feel this way?

denny57

No, I don't. My recovery is dependent on my meetings, but that is not true for everyone, of course. The important thing is that you are doing what is good and right for you. Over time I have fit the meetings into my life easily. The more recovery I have, the more full I seem to be able to make my life.

Good luck to you with whatever you decide. Keep the focus on you and you will do fine.

equus

YAY!! That is the point!

I choose not to go to meetings and I'm happy with that, I don't 12 step, I've never been, it isn't part of my life. Others here find great support from Al-Anon and they are happy with that.

I think you have to decide what you need but then be happy with it, there's nothing worse than choosing one or other direction and feeling trapped, forced, or powerless. Whether you attend or not the big part is for you to be and know you're responsible for your decision and it's the right one for you.

reader

I have often felt this way not about recovery but other things. I too belonged to a church, it took about 3 hrs of my sunday. It was too intense if I went out of town and missed a service they were calling me and trying to make me feel guilty. After a few years i had had enough, I love bible study but I am not a child. I too stopped going to curves after my surgery and with the cost of gas, I could not justify a 30 minute trip. I do feel part of our recovery is to do things for ourselves and treat "us". If I had al-anon near me I would certainly go. I have had to read intensely, work the steps, work on making myself "#1". At this point I would love the support of a meeting, can u go to a different one so ur saturdays are free. Since u want on work on your relationship with your husband why not plan a date night or find a home project u can work on as a couple. I love to come up with projects, we work together as a team and we love the results. Just some thoughts!

elizabeth1979

I think I can offer a stab at why you feel this way.
The principals of al-anon state getting the focus back on us, detachment, and boundaries are key.
When I first started setting boundaries and really focusing on me, I felt horrible. Of course, this was beccause I was conditioned to put him and his needs ahead of me and my own. I too felt like it could have been a "problem" in the relationship with the alcoholic.

Al Anon is not the problem. His drinking bothers you and you are codependant. That is the relationship problem.

Please reconsider, maybe give it a little more time.
I have never once heard someone say Alanon ruined their marriage.

Head up and focus on you!!!!!!!!!!!!

ASpouse

I agree with Sarah.

pmaslan

yeppers I like what Sarah said too.

Missy

I went to Al-anon and kept my mouth shut for months. Never read or worked the steps. Just sat and listened.... then all of a sudden it hit! At how sick I was without the booze..
Please just go and give it time. Be the wallflower if you want and just listen. it will hit you. I was fortunate and someone came to me and offered to be a temp. sponsor and I havent left her since. After 8 months I'm working step one with a sponsor and that already has taken me a month to get through.
"In Our Time"
Just keep going back... please
\Karen

elizabeth1979

One thing I forgot to mention. If you are neglecting things you enjoy, Curves, church etc..perhaps its time for a balance check. Doing things we enjoy is instrumental in focusing on us!

It shouldnt be a chore, but a helpful tool in gaining serenity and sanity in your life. Stepwork is just that..work. I still feel overwhelmed with it, and when I do, I put it down, analyze why I am feeling overwhelmed and take a break if need be. For me, its usually that the stepwork has ignited some emotion and my old self wants to run away from that feeling.

Just my 2 cents!

Minx1969

After my first year in Alanon, I decided that since I wasn't with an A anymore that I was ok....I had a sponsor, had worked the steps. I was considering leaving the program.

I guess I just was feeling somewhat better and decided I didn't want to devote 3 meetings a week.

I didn't leave. I'm now coming up on my second year...

My solution was to change sponsors to someone that didn't require as many meetings...

I came to the conclusion after 3 months without my first sponsor (we are still very close today...I see her in my home group meeting each week) that I still needed Alanon, the 12 steps and a new sponsor.

Today, I really can't see giving up Alanon..1 hour a week for my serenity is a small price indeed..

I love my fellowship..the fact that people pick up the phone to see how I'm doing is priceless to me..to help me through my struggles (whether it's that fact that I'm unemployed or my new relationship with my bf who is wonderful).

Alanon's support me in a way my bf can't..he just doesn't understand..that's ok..he supports me in the way that he's capable of.

I've learned that I still have issues that aren't going to go away A in my life or not..

I am now on my 2nd 4th step...I haven't done much recently on it but your post is a good reminder that I need to get back to work on it.