Tiredx5

HA! That is what my AH told me...to give it all the time I need...need for what? A labotomy?! This man has done everything under the sun for the past 48 days to make me feel like I am loosing my mind. Okay...he's been out of the house since February, but he calls all the time, leaving gushy messages, and if I don't take his calls or return them then the messages become more and more hostile until you hear him spitting venom at me! I have had 5 different conversations with him stating that no matter what he did, I would not go back to him, and that I will be filing for divorce just as soon as I can afford it. About every 2 weeks I have to reiterate that I AM FILING FOR A DIVORCE! This man drives around our neighborhood, checking on if we are home or not. I purposely take the kids and go somewhere once in awhile just so that he doesn't know where we are.

And every 2 weeks or so he goes on this jag of me giving myself all the time in the world (to change my mind and allow him back in the house!). HA HA. He even is trying to manipulate the kids to think it's their responsiblity to convince mom to let him move home! Luckily they are smart and they understand what he's doing. So, where am I? Working 2 jobs, paying all my bills on time (no thanks to him...he is behind on support payments) and saving money where ever I can to get the lawyer started on this. After being away from his noise...I can see how my reactions played in this...and I am proud to say that I definately don't react towards him or his attempts of manipulation. However that was certainly difficult 3 weeks ago when he asked me to hold off on filing for divorce until our wedding anniversary that is coming up in June. "If you wait until after then, I won't contest the divorce or any of the terms" YA RIGHT! I so wanted to react right then and there...but I restrained myself!

My family is on high alert right now, they are concerned as to what the significance to our anniversary is to him. They believe he is capable of doing harm, however I am positive that is not his thinking. I am thinking he has something else up his sleeve - and unfortunately he will not like the results!

Just venting....thanks!

minnie

((((Tired))))

Keep on your path and things will be fine.

My ex was still trying to get back with me even when he was engaged to someone else. It took court proceedings (we weren't married, so not divorce) to make him see I was serious.

You sound really strong. I like that.

Cynay

Vent away... Lord knows we have all been there...

I always find it amazing the quacking that comes out of their mouths after the fact.... sometimes I almost feel sorry for them.

I have been divorced twice... both times I asked for the divorce a year before I actually filed.... both times we went to counceling only for things to stay the same.... and both times they could not believe that I left and filed for divorce. It was only after the fact that they actually started to "try" to make the marriage work... of course by that time the marriage was over for me.

Also my second husband was not an A.... so who knows.... just keep on keeping on.... your doing GREAT

Tiredx5

Thanks Minnie and Cynay!

This is my second divorcel...and like you Cynan, both times they couldn't believe that I would possibly want to leave such a prize as them! The first wasn't an A; however he was very abusive and when I met my AH, well, his actions in my eyes, weren't as bad as my EX's, thus I took alot. LOL...I wasn't strong in either relationship...but I finally am growing up 25 years later and actually like the person I am (and it shows!).

THANKS AGAIN MINNIE AND CYNAY FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT!

Cynay

Yea... both mine were "prizes" too... actually they are both not bad guys... just very wrong for me.

Guess that is why Im STILL not married..... its been 8 years now since all that but Im not complaining.....

This life does not suck!

megamysterioso

Hey Tired and I'm glad you checked in. I've been wondering about you . A lot of recovery for the city since the tornado?? Glad you are OK, although VERY annoyed and rightfully so. Hopefully, you can get those divorce proceedings started asap. I know how it is financially though.

Please do be careful just in case he is up to no good. I don't want to make you paranoid or anything, but just watch yourself. Take good care of yourself.

doubletime

Hello, tiredx5, cannot add anything that everyone has already posted but to encourage you and to tell you to be very alert. You never know what they will do. This is my second divorce also but from the same person.LOL


Doubletime

pmaslan

Can't imagine what the anniversary has to do with him wanting you
to wait on the divorce. Just another stall tactic most likely. Sounds
as if he borderlining stalking now. Keep your focus you sound like
you are handling all of this well.

laurie6781

Tired, please listen to your family and stay on 'high alert'. That comment about your upcoming Wedding Anniversary does not sound good at all. Just as a precaution, you and the kids might want to plan for the day before, the actual day and the day after to be away from the house, even if its just to visit a friend or relative across town or in another county.

When I read that I had the "Red Flags" go off.

Please be very very careful.

Sounds like so far you are doing for you and the kids and not dancing the dance. Good For You!!!!!!

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

StandingStrong

Remember what we're told about the alcoholic............always expect the unexpected.
Hopefully the anniversary date is just a date he spouted off about in hopes to buy him some time - but you truly never know. We hear of people everyday that have done something that no one ever expected them to do.
Take care of you and the kids!!!
You're doing great - but still...please be careful.

Kellye C

I agree, please take steps to remove yourself and the kids during the period of time surrounding your anniversary. Warning bells went off when I read that. It could be something as innocuous as he is planning to show up with flowers, candy and an all out last-ditch effort to win you back BUT it could be something darker. Please don't risk it.

I have been through 2 marriages and divorces too. The second one the man stayed in denial the whole entire time. I had to co-exist with him for about 2 weeks to get the money saved up for a U-Haul. Every day he would tell me "you're not going to leave, you're not going to divorce me." I would just repeat yes I am. It's happening. The depth of his denial was so great that on the last night I spent in our apartment before moving back to Texas I was in bed asleep about midnight and he was back staying with his dad. I'm a light sleeper and all the sudden I felt the bed move. I jumped up and it was him sneaking into the apartment and crawling into bed. When I asked him what the h*ll he thought he was doing he said he did it just to see how I was going to react. He found out right then and there as I told him to get the h*ll out of there and back to his dad's.

Fortunately the consequences of that weren't bad other than a good fright and a wrecked nights sleep but had I woke up to the barrel of a gun or something it could have been bad. I hope that your AH doesn't have access into your house, does he? If so, get the locks changed NOW.

Please do everything you can to keep yourself safe. It sounds like you are being stalked and like a protective order might not be a bad idea.

Please keep posting here and let us know you are ok.

Big, big hugs,
Kellye