My line in the sand
 

The last time AH drank I drew my line in the sand, he crossed it. I said no more. He's been out of the house for 3 months now. Claims to be sober and not having the 'urge' to drink. He felt he was in with the 'wrong crowd', but still appears to take responsibility for it. I have focused on ME and am proud to do so. I didn't spend hours wondering what he was doing, was he seeing someone, etc. I feel much better and stronger.
NOW, IF he is going to continue his sobriety, I will welcome him home. BUT I also feel what message is that? That I don't mean what I say? I do not want to be a doormat. I don't want to be a person who says next time, you're gone, I mean next time-not this time, the next time, then it's the next time, and never means what they say.
OR if you forgive someone is that lessening your self worth?
I do really want him home, SOBER. I do not miss the roller coaster we were on, but of course I miss our relationship.

Hey Ontario, Like you very helpfully said to me, you don't have to make long-term decisions now if it's not clear.

I think forgiving him and deciding to take him back are two different things. When/if you are ready for each of these, it will feel right in terms of who you are, what it says about you.

Hi Ontario. I don't think that forgiveness lessens anyone's self-worth! It is a bold move to forgive and a testament to a person's character IMO. You really need to do what feels right for you. If there is the slightest inkling in your mind that he would "take advantage" of your forgiveness, then give it more time. Three months is not much in the big scope of things. I think a good solid year is a more reasonable timeframe (if you must assign a timeframe) to gauge whether or not he is serious and worthy of your trust.

This made me project a little into my own future. I'm leaving next month and my AH is on his 9th day sober. He is proclaiming that this is really "it" for him, but has not used this to pressure me once into staying. I do not intend to stay b/c I have already made my plans and believe that time away from each other will be beneficial to us both. He will either continue to grow or fall and I will continue to grow no matter what. It's a win/win. If relationships are meant to be, I really believe there is a time and a place for them to come together whether "time off" is taken or not. There is no need for you to beat yourself up or feel like you must rush anything IMO.

I agree with the others. You don't have to decide anything right now.

Three months of sobriety is not so very long. My ex relapsed after 3+ months when he said he felt secure in his own recovery. He stopped going to daily AA meetings, stopped calling his sponser, and resumed contact with his still active ex! That was also the same time he began speaking of AA as a 'cult'. Lots of clues there that I didn't acknowledge.

Listen to your gut. I promise you it won't lead you wrong. I mean, sure, you can forgive him if that's how you truly feel. But forgiving, in my opinion, doesn't wipe the slate clean. And it does not mean that you trust in his actions yet. Time will tell.

I have to agree... 3 months is not long. Instead of hime moving back in with you why not give it 6 months (or whatever your comfortable with) and then start dating again.

I honestly think you will just know when it right for you... keep talking with us about the pros and cons... it really helps me when Im struggling with a decision.