guyinNC

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mom's out there!

This was my kids first Mom's day with our family busted up. It all started about last year this time, as my wife continued her slow descent into hell. Last year at Mom's day she was in rehab. The kids and I went to see her there, taking flowes etc. We could tell it was not working....all she wanted was her cell phone. Unknown to us, she was also beginning her affair with the "Weasel"...a drunk she had met there.

Since then, her affair became known to us, our marriage collasped, she got three DWI's, totaled two cars, broke her ankle.....now she is home with her parents..... A thousand miles away from us. Her affair is supposedly over, she has blown most of her money. But she is supposedly seeing a shrink and going to AA. To bad we don't trust anything she says!

So as I said this is a year of firsts. First Moms day with her gone, bday's coming up, dance recitals.....

Mr. Mom carries on. I wonder how she feels?

Alcoholism sucks!!!

denny57

(((guy)))

Yes, it does suck. That's a conclusion I reach at one point just about every day.

All the milestones can be tough, and not only for the 1st year. Thank god your children have you because this has got to be awfully tough on them, too. Let's hope their mom continues on with her recovery.

Hang in there, I know it hasn't been easy for you.

ASpouse

Do you guys go to Therapy or anything like that? I can't believe that referring to mom being gone "sucks" as good or healthy for anyone. Your issue and I can only assume your kids feel the same way, as unable to trust her, has to transfer to not being able to trust anyone. I hope you guys get the mental help you sound as if you need.

GingerM

ASpouse, I read the statement differently. I read it as "Alcoholism sucks, and the disaster it wreaked upon our lives sucks", not that having mom away from them sucks. The tone sounded to me like Guy is pretty happy to not have to deal with all the crud that comes along with the AW, and sounds pretty happy to let AW's parents deal with it.

To me, it sounded more like mourning for his children's loss of a mother on mother's day to to this disease that is destroying her. I can understand mourning the 'what might have beens' while still seeing very clearly the 'what currently ares', particularly on mother's day when the whole country is agog with hype and hoopla.

reader

I think your kids are very lucky to have a Dad that seems to be devoted to them. I just hope u don't run down their Mom to them. Weather she was right or wrong she is still their Mom. She is making some horrible choices right now theres no doubt in that. Just keep loving them like u are and keep your focus on there well being. Happy mothers day to you! You deserve It!!!

ASpouse

That's the trouble with cyberspace ...... no tone or inflection to understand how it's meant.

megamysterioso

((Guy))-- I too think that your children are very lucky to have such a wonderful father who chooses their welfare over all else. Maybe she will get the help she needs and will maintain her sobriety. That is for her to decide. You are doing well in focusing on yourself and the children and tackling these many firsts head-on. I'm sure it's not easy and addiction wrecks lives- plain and simple.

GingerM

nod nod. Definitely. I've been misunderstood more than once myself.

pmaslan

I don't know without knowing Guy's background I can see how some
especially newbies can see this post differently than Aspouse.
I understood Aspouse's comment the way I read Guys post. After being around
these boards for as long as Judy (Aspouse) or I have for that matter
you know more about a fellow posters background and the personality
they portray here......Just my thought on this

Cynay

Yea ... the disease sucks... and its easy on Mom's/Dad's day to think about it all when your a single parent and have all the responsibility...

BUT there are pluses too! I celebrate Mom's day AND Dad's day ... She only sees her father once a year or so and I think I deserve both holidays since I have done all the work!!

Also one thing I do like about being a single parent is that I get to make all the decisions... I dont have to sit by and support anyone's decisions about how to correct my daughters behavior (once had to sit out "going to bed without dinner" ended up sneeking her a little something and Huge fight because of it) I dont have to answer to anyone if I want to spoil her and we have a VERY close relationship cuz we have mosly only had each other.

AHHHHH ther is always good lurking somewhere.... I know its tough, but nothing much can be done about what happened... but alot came happen in the future to blance it.

Happy Mothers Day Mr. Mom...

guyinNC

Thanks guys.....

Ginger interpreted my thread exactly correct.

Aspouse......IMHO, you are the one in need of counseling. Every response, to almost every thread from you is the same. Bitter, angry.....pretending to be some armchair shrink. You look for anything and everything to stab at who ever posts..... For some hidden meaning behind typed words.

I do know you mean well, but It looks like your dealings with alcoholism has colored your world gray.

LaTeeDa

Well, I know Judy can take care of herself, but I did not see anything bitter or angry about her response. All I saw was concern over the effects and future ramifications of your wife's behaviors on you and your children.

L

ASpouse

Hardly Guy ...... but you are entitled to feel the way you feel and I respect you for it. I tend to look at things in all shades of black & white and various shades of gray because alcoholism and the havoc it wreaks on peoples lives is not entirely black and white.

I wish I was angry and bitter ...... at least then I'd have an excuse for my distasteful behavior ..... but alas, I'm not and therefore I have no excuse.

Armchair shrink? Not even close but thank you for the compliment and I do take it as such.

Why am I not surprised that Ginger read your thread the way it was intended?

But I am curious, have your children been to any sort of couselling or therapy since their mother has left? Even a school counsellor or child life specialist to help them understand what has happened? I know when my husband was going through his stupid stuff with his alcoholism, my oldest went to Al A Teen and my youngest saw the school counsellor. I wasn't so pompous and arrogant to think I could help them through something I couldn't even understand myself. I needed help for myself and for my kids and I found it.

elizabeth1979

Hey Guy,
Why do you wonder how she feels?
Will knowing how she feels change anything?

How does what she is doing affect what you do?

guyinNC

There you go again! Why do you "put down" someone who was kind enough to respond to my thread? What arrogance!

denny57

hey, hey! I read it that way too and I'm not offended by Judy's response (though Judy doesn't need me defending her, either). at first i even thought she meant me when she said "do you guys go to therapy?" LOL

yes, i do. guy, all i can say is when i first came here and judy was annoying the h out of me, my sponsor quietly suggested i examine what was making me angry about her. was she reminding me of someone? was what she was saying hitting a nerve? yes, and yes

judy - sorry for talking about you like you're not in the room

ASpouse

It's OK Denny .... like I said, my behavior has been known to be distasteful to some people, but really, once you get to know me, I'm a great person! LOL

DesertEyes

Chill out people, personal attacks are _not_ part of recovery. Go outside and breathe some air, if you can't be civil to each other I will lock the thread.

Mike

guyinNC

I do not doubt you are a great person, and I know you mean well.

But being annoying, and distasteful are not virtues.

"You catch more flies with honey"...in other words! Perhaps as part of your "healing" process and working through the steps you will come to realize this approach.

ASpouse

You see Guy, I am healed from living with an alcoholic. It's a burden I no longer choose to carry and yes, I had that choice to make and I did. The burden of drinking is and always will be my husbands, the burden for me is whether I will choose to live with it if he ever does again. So as far as that goes, I am healed. What I work on now is growing ....... that never stops at least for me.

Being stuck in the "he ruined our lives" stage of the process was not fun for me and it was my goal to stop that thinking as soon as I was able, and I did. Now I could have chosen to stay at that stage for many months or years or even still be there BUT I have a life to live and it's my life, my dream ...... I want my husband to come along with me but if he doesn't want to, then that is OK too because I am happy being me, with my dreams and aspirations. I am also happy being "US" with our dreams and aspirations and hopes for our children.

My husband does not make me who I am, my husbands habits do not and cannot make me happy or unhappy. My happiness and well being comes from me and no one else is responsible for that.

It will be a cold day in hell when I allow someone else to be responsible for my happiness and well being.

So being "honey sweet" me ....... well, that's just not part of the plan, but what I can do is just be me ..... if people like me and accept me as I am, great. If not, well that's OK too. I sleep well at night knowing that I did a good deed or a good turn to a complete stranger ..... which I try to do everyday. It's funny, good begets good and bad begets bad, at least in my experience.