denny57

With all due respect, mallowcup, you don't know what positions I've been in. My AH is no longer in my house. And my locks are changed.

It would seem a lot of people might be jumping to conclusions about siv's situation. I answered her question about her family's threat. Why would her family practice tough love with siv? What has she done?

It seems this thread has struck a nerve in you; it did the same for me. For different reasons.

Sorry for the H/J siv.

mallowcup

I too have been in this very position. Every single person that tried to tell me to get out, GET OUT!, became distanced from my life because, "They were just troublemakers" according to my ex. I wound up in the hospital with no one to call. I had told them all long ago to mind their own business. Yes, this did hit a nerve with me. When my ex got drunk and foul and abusive, I ran to my parents house with my kids. I borrowed money for mild from them because my husband drank his paycheck. They listened, they helped, they didn't just turn their head. They had their whole sanity disrupted over worry about me. My ex said we couldn't possibly make our marriage work with them in the middle of our business. I lived two years with absolutely NO contacts. He had isolated me and made certain I had no support. Dumb young woman then, no more. I make stuff my business. Don't like it? Too bad. I advocate for children and their safety. Sorry but I've seen to many of them with injuries or behavioral issues due to drunk parents.

mallowcup

While writng, I was reminded of a paragraph written by Mya Angleo which spoke to her raising her son in a gang infested neighborhood. The gangs were after her son to join in every horrific way. She went to theri hang out and kicked the door in, she grabbed the leader by the collar and PUT him against the wall. She said she looked him dead square in the eye and told him if he didn't leave her son alone, she would kill him. She said that when you say something and you MEAN IT and your conviction is in your eyes, you realize your power. They left her son alone.

ICU

Mallowcup,

I'm sure the situation you were in must have been hell for you and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't remember your current situation, but I sure hope your life is much different for you now. Your situation was somewhat different from SIV's. As she stated below:

They didn't like him from the beginning and it would appear that it had nothing to do with alcohol or verbal abuse at that point. They could just be a very controlling family by nature. I don't know for sure because I obviously don't know them.

Bottom line, her husband isn't isolating her from her family, but her family is certainly threatening that aren't they?

Seems as though this thread has struck a chord for many of us, myself included.

mallowcup

All I'm saying is to be careful of those early signs of isolation that seem like the right thing to do at the time. It makes perfect sense to put distance between her and her parents isf they don't nind their own business. They aren't helping. I will add that my parents knew my ex was cheating on me and that influenced their opinion. I didn't know it. They refused to tell me because they didn't know how, I was half nuts already. I had asked the questions because I wanted to remind the poster about the perspective of a parent. If her daughter grew up and married a man like this, would she butt out? Just perspective, that's all.

BSPGirl

mallowcup, you made your bed, you slept in it but your situation is different from siv's, for starters. Besides, it's siv's choice to stay or go or whatever, you got your life to live as does she.