AlFriend

Dear Alanon Friends,

My family and I are in a very delicate situation with my A sister, She just check out from the Detox center where she spend three days.My mother has financialy supported my sister since I can remember. My mother owns a business and my sister used to work with her and make a decent amount of money for a couple of hours work a week. We are trying really hard to let my sister face the consequences of her acts. My mother is having second thoughts and think she needs to help my sister with the job now that my sister is in "Recovery". I think my mother should just back out of the whole process because she can jeopardize all the progress that my sister has made. My mother is not thinking about giving her money but paying for her service, but I know that in the long run, everything will be back to where it was before, and my mother will end up paying all my sister's bills again.

I need you guys to send me your thoughts or comments, so I can show them to my mother and give her more than just my opinion. I think this is critical to my sister real recovery, and once more time I need your guys support. Please help!!

JT

Welcome,

I don't see an answer up there that I agree with. Your mother could look into some meetings for herself like Alanon. And since you quailfiy so could you.

Helping is not always helping. You are right about that but there can come a time when an addict can benefit from support from their loved ones. That doesn't mean paying bills but a job would not be out of line if she were treated like any other employee. She may be ready for real and if you withhold support you could end up feeling regretful about it. I am the mother of an addict and I walk a very fine line.

So I guess my answer is follow your sister's lead. You cannot predict the future. You cannot be certain that she will fail. It is out of your hands.

Hugs,
JT

AlFriend

Dear JT,

Thanks you so much for your reply. My sister recovery is not under my control, I don't think she will fail or that she will succed, I just don't know. We have made so many mistakes trying to help her that now that we are actively going to AL meetings and getting the support we need, I don't want to do anything that may have any negative influence in my sister recovery.

That's why I came hear for help, I have seing my sister commit to her job with my mom for so many times and then just not showing up for weeks and demanding money, that I think is best for my family just to not get involve in her financial problems, and let her find a job that she feels she can handle. I think we need to stop assuming that she won't be able to turn her life around and let my sister decided her own destiny.

Thanks again, it's good to hear from a mother of an A.

Jane