Had a face-to-face Al-Anon meeting last night.
Followtheyellowbrickroad
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Staples, MN
Posts: 104
Had a face-to-face Al-Anon meeting last night.
I went to my first face-to-face meeting last night. Everyone was very friendly and welcoming but I have to say I left frustrated. I have been reading the ebook Empowered Recovery and that has been very powerful for me because it makes more sense to me. I witnessed last night that some people at the meeting seemed to have transfered from enabling and being codependent in their Alcoholic relationship to now being codependent to Al-Anon and enabling themselves. I want to recover, I don't just want to cope!!! If there is a snowballs chance in hell that I get healthy and come back stronger, I don't see Al-Anon helping me do that? Is that nieve? I do see Al-Anon helping me deal with all of these feelings, and understanding alcoholism, and my behaviors as they relate to my AH but I see the steps and think "What comes after that?", "Where is my out?" Can someone help me understand why I am thinking this? is it wrong? I have to say that if it weren't for coming here and working my 12 steps that I would be a blubbering mess so I know that it serves an amazing purpose, but what after?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
I think deettah that Al Anon is life changing. It's changing ones life to live their own life differently. It helps to work the steps with the help of a sponsor who knows when you have accomplished Step 1 and so on. You can't move on in the steps until you completely understand the previous step and change your life to reflect to that.
Al Anon, like AA is a fellowship. Friendships are forged and it is the responsibility of each of us Al Anoners to give back, to help someone else who is hurting as time goes on.
I'm sorry to say you are living the disease of Alcoholism and there is no way out, just a way to cope with it and live with it to the best of your ability. If you deny it ever happened to you, then you will, in reality be denying it was ever a part of your life. Not healthy for you or for those around you.
I don't think I answered your question, but it is what popped into my head. Try to find a sponsor and go to at least 5 more meetings and see if anything changes for you. Give it a chance ...... nice and easy at first. There is no rush, work the program the way it works for you.
Al Anon, like AA is a fellowship. Friendships are forged and it is the responsibility of each of us Al Anoners to give back, to help someone else who is hurting as time goes on.
I'm sorry to say you are living the disease of Alcoholism and there is no way out, just a way to cope with it and live with it to the best of your ability. If you deny it ever happened to you, then you will, in reality be denying it was ever a part of your life. Not healthy for you or for those around you.
I don't think I answered your question, but it is what popped into my head. Try to find a sponsor and go to at least 5 more meetings and see if anything changes for you. Give it a chance ...... nice and easy at first. There is no rush, work the program the way it works for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Glad you made the meeting.
I have heard that alot of people don't like the first meeting,
heck some don't like the second or third.....
It took me several before I got the hang of it.
Perhaps a different meeting may be the answer.
I don't have the answer, just wanted to commend you on
making it to the first meeting......
I have heard that alot of people don't like the first meeting,
heck some don't like the second or third.....
It took me several before I got the hang of it.
Perhaps a different meeting may be the answer.
I don't have the answer, just wanted to commend you on
making it to the first meeting......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Congrads for reaching out for help.
I think Aspouse said it very well, for me there are times when life is smooth and good and I think... I dont want to be a lifer in Al-anon... why keep going when I dont have and active A in my life.
Its times like now that Im glad I have a sponsor who knows me well enough to know when Im spinning and when I have valid red flags.... it helps me alot to step outside of my problem/issues and give to another that is hurting ... it helps me to know at any time I can call any one on that list and they really do care.
And trust me I was anti-al-anon in the beginning .... Keep going and keep an open mind ... use other recovery tools too if they help, but KEEP reaching out and getting the help and support you need.
I think Aspouse said it very well, for me there are times when life is smooth and good and I think... I dont want to be a lifer in Al-anon... why keep going when I dont have and active A in my life.
Its times like now that Im glad I have a sponsor who knows me well enough to know when Im spinning and when I have valid red flags.... it helps me alot to step outside of my problem/issues and give to another that is hurting ... it helps me to know at any time I can call any one on that list and they really do care.
And trust me I was anti-al-anon in the beginning .... Keep going and keep an open mind ... use other recovery tools too if they help, but KEEP reaching out and getting the help and support you need.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Originally Posted by deettah
I witnessed last night that some people at the meeting seemed to have transfered from enabling and being codependent in their Alcoholic relationship to now being codependent to Al-Anon and enabling themselves.
I see that weekly in my Alanon meetings..There are those in the program for 3 years that are still struggling and those that seem to immediately get it..Everyone is different.
Keep going back...I did many things before Alanon as far as getting recovery but Alanon seems to really work for me.
Like Judy said - find a sponsor and start working the steps..With a sponsor you will start to get the tools you need...
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
I am glad you went to another meeting b/c I know you've been hurting a lot Deettah. I do not want to get into any kind of debate with anyone about Al-Anon b/c I have NO ROOM to speak either for it or against it really since I have NEVER been to a f2f meeting myself. Now with that said, my belief is that we all have to find our own recovery in our own way and on our own time. I know that Al-Anon works miracles in people's lives everyday, but I also know that it is not for everyone. In the situation I was in when I came here, I found that the e-book at Empowered Recovery helped me put a lot into perspective. I do realize that reading a book and going to f2f meetings are two totally different animals. For ME however, reading the book was enough at the time, reading/posting here, searching my own soul honestly, admitting my own wrongs and taking the power back into my own hands was enough for me to find a certain calm these days. I'm on my way out and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I no longer carry around the false guilt that eats you alive. I no longer feel an "obligation" to save a human being from his/her own behaviors. I see my part in all of it. I'm not fooling myself into thinking that what led me here could never repeat itself. It could if I allow myself to forget and stop putting into practice everything I've learned thus far.
I don't know if I will ever go to an Al-Anon meeting myself. I can tell you though that if I ever feel it is necessary, I will go and give it a try. I think we should give everything a try to reach that place of calm. At this point, I would rather seek personal counseling for my f2f support. Maybe one day I will be able to afford that luxury. Until then however, I consider myself still "recovering" even if not affiliated with an "official" program.
My point is to do what feels right for you. I think that Al-Anon has personally benefited so many lives here that it is only natural to get a lot of encouragement to continue the program. Please do so for yourself if/when you think that is best. I just don't want you to feel somehow weird about not liking it right away or something like that. Do whatever you NEED to do to stay focused on your self-recovery. All the best.
I don't know if I will ever go to an Al-Anon meeting myself. I can tell you though that if I ever feel it is necessary, I will go and give it a try. I think we should give everything a try to reach that place of calm. At this point, I would rather seek personal counseling for my f2f support. Maybe one day I will be able to afford that luxury. Until then however, I consider myself still "recovering" even if not affiliated with an "official" program.
My point is to do what feels right for you. I think that Al-Anon has personally benefited so many lives here that it is only natural to get a lot of encouragement to continue the program. Please do so for yourself if/when you think that is best. I just don't want you to feel somehow weird about not liking it right away or something like that. Do whatever you NEED to do to stay focused on your self-recovery. All the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
hi deetah
i think it's great you went to that first meeting. i had, and sometimes still have, the same reactions you talk about. i discussed it with my therapist. she said, yes, some people do become too dependent on al-anon. so that's a fact. i had to decide what to do with that fact.
i am not learning to cope, i am learning to live.
i would only suggest you give it the 6 meetings before you decide. for me the goal was recovery. i had lived in insanity for so long i was very open to trying something else. so there's my suggestion: keep an open mind.
good luck to you.
i think it's great you went to that first meeting. i had, and sometimes still have, the same reactions you talk about. i discussed it with my therapist. she said, yes, some people do become too dependent on al-anon. so that's a fact. i had to decide what to do with that fact.
i am not learning to cope, i am learning to live.
i would only suggest you give it the 6 meetings before you decide. for me the goal was recovery. i had lived in insanity for so long i was very open to trying something else. so there's my suggestion: keep an open mind.
good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Hi there, Deetah.
You know, al-anon is but one tool in my toolbox, along with counselling, reading, SR, journalling and many more. Al-anon is not perfect and is becoming less so for me as I move on in my recovery and away from the destruction that was wrought by the twisted thinking of mine which was brought into sharp focus when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I still see witness some quite disturbing behaviour of the kind you describe, but my group is healthy enough to balance that out. If it wasn't, I'd find a new one PDQ. Anyway, what helped me was to seek out those who seemed to be living their life by the kind of values I wished to develop and spend some time learning from them.
Give it a little time and, as Denny says, keep an open mind. Remember, you can take what you like and leave the rest where it is.
You know, al-anon is but one tool in my toolbox, along with counselling, reading, SR, journalling and many more. Al-anon is not perfect and is becoming less so for me as I move on in my recovery and away from the destruction that was wrought by the twisted thinking of mine which was brought into sharp focus when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I still see witness some quite disturbing behaviour of the kind you describe, but my group is healthy enough to balance that out. If it wasn't, I'd find a new one PDQ. Anyway, what helped me was to seek out those who seemed to be living their life by the kind of values I wished to develop and spend some time learning from them.
Give it a little time and, as Denny says, keep an open mind. Remember, you can take what you like and leave the rest where it is.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Originally Posted by minnie
You know, al-anon is but one tool in my toolbox, along with counselling, reading, SR, journalling and many more.
My program is how I chose it..that's why I switched sponsors..My first sponsor had alot of requirements that I needed to meet for her to sponsor me..I found someone else who is not as demanding..
BTW my first sponsor has amazing recovery and is a great lady..I still call her and ask her for advice. I just didn't want to work the program the way she had been taught.
I just had to do what was right for me..
Followtheyellowbrickroad
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Staples, MN
Posts: 104
Thanks everyone, I almost felt guilty about my confusion but I know now that I am not the only one who felt this way. I have decided to keep going and see if my perspective changes. I'll also keep doing other things to help me stay focused. Thank you all very much!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 13
Deetah,
I am planning on going to my first Al Anon meeting on Thurs. afternoon. I have to say with all honesty, that I am dreading it. I don't do well talking to people face to face. I tend to clam up. I do much better sitting here typing away on my old keyboard. And reading everything I can find. I know I need to go, and I'm gonna give it my best shot. But it doesn't mean it will work for me. So you aren't alone in your feelings........
BG
I am planning on going to my first Al Anon meeting on Thurs. afternoon. I have to say with all honesty, that I am dreading it. I don't do well talking to people face to face. I tend to clam up. I do much better sitting here typing away on my old keyboard. And reading everything I can find. I know I need to go, and I'm gonna give it my best shot. But it doesn't mean it will work for me. So you aren't alone in your feelings........
BG
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
