trishsis

Hi I just had the biggest slap of reality,it has finally hit me that my best friend and sister Trish is not going to walk through the door, we are not going to do the manicure pedicure Sat.routine and it just came out of the blue been busy with Trisha's boys and my own 2 although they are 32 and 25 they still need mom It breaks my heart that my sister never got to see her beloved Tommy get his, license, his first job and most of all his High School Grad in June. It has all just hit me and all I can do is cry and almost bargain which I know is part of the grieving process. She will never see her children get married and be a granmother (although I do not think Trish the dish would have cared for the grandma term haha) I just miss her so much that my heart hurts. My psych says is is normal but I do not care for thsi feeling that I have no control over (control freak maybe) I am trying so hard to be there for her boys and so far they are very happy to have me here. I also have my house in Meriden about 1 hour from here that I need to get up to and get my things. It is almost like if I do not do that, I am only visiting and she is on vacation and will be back (DENIAL MUCH) Thanks for letting me vent (BLAH BLAH) Love to all and God Bless, Nan

ASpouse

Nan, having lost my son at 3 years of age I understand how you feel. My only suggestion to you is to feel the grief. For me, the worst was no knowing where he "was". I had to know he was "someplace".

Yes, Trish will see the graduation, marriages and all happy times. She may be there as a beautiful cardinal watching from a tree, a shining star from above that seems as if it's twinkling only for you. That Nan will be Trish letting you know she is very nearby watching and smiling down at all of you.

As far as getting your things from Meriden, well that is understandable too. Once you do that, then that means that Trish is really gone to you doesn't it? Oh I know only too well what you are going through.

What I did when my son died was make a small area in my house that is completely his. I made a shadow box with pictures and little toys he loved. I kept his last pair of shoes and his favorite outfit and had it mounted and framed. That is Cody's area. I always have a candle there and his favorite movie. So when we move, well Cody came with us via his "home" memorial. Perhaps if you work on something like that, it will help ease your pain and allow you to grieve a little.

I don't know if I helped, but I do understand and you are doing everything absolutely normal.

megamysterioso

(((Nancy))) that is the biggest cyber hug going out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief. It is natural and we all have different times/ways in which we grieve the loss of a loved one. Some days will undoubtedly be worse than others, but please take comfort in knowing that Trish is with you. I really believe that our loved ones watch over us and I'm sure you know that Trish would want you to go and get a manicure and pedicure this Saturday for yourself. Death is a sad fact of life, but I don't think it's the end of life- just a happier one on another plain of existence. Take your time to feel the feelings. I think we rob ourselves of healing when we don't allow ourselves to grieve. A thousand hugs to you.

denny57

(((nan)))

Not many words to say. These days will be hard. Keep the memories close and hug those boys. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I will keep you in my prayers.

elizabeth1979

I dont have any words of help. Just thoughts and prayers.
Sarah

trishsis

Thank you all so much I am typing this with tears in myeyes so excuse the typos My heart goes out to you and the loss of your son I can not image how that must be for you Your words went straight to my heart You are all there when I need you and that alone brings some peace. Going to Meriden next weekend with my nephew and son with a U Haul and your idea is a great one I do still have a hard time going into my baby sis's room can not even sleep i there Have to soon Couch is killing my back just after surgery in Jan. Thank you all and my God hold each one of you in the palm of His Hand. Love, Nan

cwohio

oh nan - i can so relate. i have these moments too. when my stepdaughter and her boyfriend were over for dinner one weekend, we were having a splendid time. after they left i was hit by the realization that hubby wouldn't be around to see her get engaged (still waiting on that one), marry, have kids, etc. i felt such a deep, profound feeling of sadness and cried my eyes out. i get feelings out of the blue also.

they will see these things - just from a different place - and will smile i'm sure.

big hugs to you - glad you have the boys - that's good therapy right there!

Beachbabe

Hun:

When it hits you, it is like an anvil. Im sorry you feel bad today but I know you will feel better soon. She was your best friend so you not only lost a best friend but your sister. Wow.

My son too graduates in a few weeks. Tears are streaming down my face thinking about what that will be like for the child and the family.

You have hundreds of friends here. Never forget that. We want to listen... hey, free therepy. lol

Thanks for sharing your feelings.

Cynay

Just want to send my prayers and hugs out there to all that have suffered such a huge loss.

reader

Nancy, my heart goes out to you. i have tears running down my face too. When I hear u talk of time spent with trish I can't help but think of my sister. I have a very small familiy, after my mother dies, it will just be her and I left. We recently had to talk about it since my Mom was ill with cancer. Though we are so different it would be like having my arm amputated. We are always there when one of us needs the other. Just know u are not alone and that you are being thought of today. Kerry

pmaslan

Nancy, I too am so sorry for all this pain you are going through.
I also have the hope that we all will be together one day in heaven...
I hang on to that hope.....

deedee

(((Nancy)))

I wish I could give you a big hug in person, but my heart is with you and I'm sending great big cyber hugs. It is a great big slap of reality when that initial cushioning shock wears off and there were times I wished I could just crawl out of my own head. Hang tight to those memories and all the love your sis left behind. She touched so many lives, I miss her, but I know she's smiling down on all of us. Here for you always whenever you need a shoulder.

love and hugs,

deedee

Justme57

Oh! ((((((((((( Nan)))))))))))) huge hugx from me.

I know when i was grieving for my partener, it used to hit me like a big wave, and just knock me off my feet, seemingly out of the blue.

Just hang in there nan, unfortunately, grief is something we have to go THROUGH, in all its stages, cant slip by it, or go under it, it sucks!

We are here for you , Nan, post away when you need to, and cry when you need to

LUVYA

HUGX
Lee

Rusty Zipper

my heart goes out for all of your loss's....tears, laughter and cry, laughter, cry and tears... whatever order they may be in, it's all a part of... and we move on to be we... we will meet again someday........ Nan, you will be ok! ... we all will be ok! .......... I will be ok! ......... Nan, Trish'y left ya something positive........"ME"... now you have your pet Idiot!!!....... nah, Nan ......... no worries!........and Nan, thanks for being here for me too. my reality factor comes and goes... out of the blue, Whammo! ... at times sad, lonley, PO'd... but remember'n the first day i lay'd eye's on Trish'y, puts that smile back on my face............ hang in Sist'a Nan, i love you...... agw & tol, Pattee... ps, we have to storo again? man, them boys can eat! YIKES!!!

equus

Nan, there are so many here that can offer more experience and understanding - all I can add is that you're in my thoughts and to thank you for sharing. What you say reflects so much of her worth.

goffredo

Nan

my mum passed away when I was 13, my dad passed away when I was 30, 2 years ago. I know how you feel.

I believe they watch me as my life unfolds.

Prayers and hugs

Love Jo

mallowcup

The biggest compliment we can ever get is to be missed. In time the grief will turn into memories that are fun to remember. It speaks volumes to her sons that she is missed, that someone remembers her well. Without knowing what to say or do, just being there creates a kinship of family. People watch us and learn from us, they internalize things. You are a gentle soothing breeze the blows stright through those boys/men. For those of us who live with alcoholics, it is particularly sweet to give love and have it returned. A gift from God.

trishsis

I have never been so touched by the wonderful people I have met here. You will never know how you all make my heart hurt a little less.I take everything I read here and try to put into my life. My Trish is a blessing that I was lucky enough to have for 46 years (yes she could be a BIG PAIN IN THE YOU KNOW WHAT) and I miss that also. She just could not fight any longer and I am now beginning to go back to Oct in my mind and realize the changes. Still have much guilt thinking I could have saved her which I know in my heart and soul that was not possible. I guess Mom and Dad had the need for a HUG FROM THEIR BABY GIRL I sure could use one Again, Thanks and BIG HUGS TO ALL Could not have come this far without each adn everyone of you, Nan
t

osier59

(( nan ))

I am so sorry for what you're going thru, but it IS part of the process, and the best thing to do is just keep on going thru it.

I'm confident that she is up above, surrounded by love, no longer struggling or in pain, smiling down on her family & friends.

Big Hugs
Barb