I had to ask
When Pigs Fly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
I had to ask
I spoke to my AH today for the first time since Easter weekend. We talked about him looking for work and about seeing the kids. Tomorrow is our youngest Birthday(4rs)I invited him to his party, he said he would be to uncomfortable. Whatever,so I made arragements for the boys to see their Dad in the morning at the park. My Oldest boy doesn't want to go. I asked my AH if he was getting help for his drinking, he said he had called some places, Some places? I asked. AA is everywhere, Hello! He didn't even say he wasn't drinking anymore this time. I told him that I was okay with the divorce and that I have come to realize that I'm better off without him BUT his kids need Him. They need Dad remember that guy? I asked. No reply. I said so many things I should not have, but they have been eating me up inside. What is this guy thinking? Its al;l about him? Noway Its about hte 3ids. Not him not us! Them. He was such a great Dad, now we talk about him as if he were dead. Sad but true, sometimes I think we would be better off if he were. I know I shouldn't think like that but i do. He should be at his sons Party. *******! Thats all I can think 
Wow I hadn't realized I was so angry. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and having all his friends and family over, I'm even heating the pool. Nate loves to swim. Thanks all.
Wow I hadn't realized I was so angry. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and having all his friends and family over, I'm even heating the pool. Nate loves to swim. Thanks all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
(((Kermit)))
It's so hard on the kids. I know. Your husband will someday regret the choices he is making now. Even if it is not until he is on his death bed, he will. Being angry is okay, actually it's perfectly normal and even cleansing in a way. All you can do is make sure your son has a happy birthday celebration! Try not to take it personally, okay? It's not about you, it's not about the children, is all about the addiction. All you can do is the best you can. He is the one missing out, you and your children have your lives to celebrate. If he doesn't want to take part in that, it is his choice. You do not have to suffer for it. I know how hard it is.
Chin up, and play hard in the pool, okay?
L
It's so hard on the kids. I know. Your husband will someday regret the choices he is making now. Even if it is not until he is on his death bed, he will. Being angry is okay, actually it's perfectly normal and even cleansing in a way. All you can do is make sure your son has a happy birthday celebration! Try not to take it personally, okay? It's not about you, it's not about the children, is all about the addiction. All you can do is the best you can. He is the one missing out, you and your children have your lives to celebrate. If he doesn't want to take part in that, it is his choice. You do not have to suffer for it. I know how hard it is.
Chin up, and play hard in the pool, okay?
L
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
(((kermit)))
I'm sorry to say this, but actually it is about him right now. He isn't thinking that it's about the kids at all. That's too bad because it is his loss and will most likely be a huge regret down the road if he gets sober. I would imagine you're not going to have any more luck in convincing him to put the kids first than you would getting him to stop drinking.
It's got to be so very frustrating. I hope you're able to have a fun party for your son.
I'm sorry to say this, but actually it is about him right now. He isn't thinking that it's about the kids at all. That's too bad because it is his loss and will most likely be a huge regret down the road if he gets sober. I would imagine you're not going to have any more luck in convincing him to put the kids first than you would getting him to stop drinking.
It's got to be so very frustrating. I hope you're able to have a fun party for your son.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
*hugs*
I know soooo well how much that hurts and how hard it is. When I left my daughters father ( because he is an Alcoholic, when she was born the game changed, unfortunally he did not) he did not pay one bit of attention to her after he figured out I was serious. I can remember one time calling and almost begging him to either take her out to buy summer cloths or to give me child support to buy them... his response was "if you can not afford her, give her to him.... Im not sending you money" YES the children suffer, but in the long run (14 years experience) it comes back to haunt them... All you can do is the best you can for your children.
Also let yourself feel what you need to feel. Dont act on it, remember to take the high road... but inside allow yourself to go though the fire hon... there is no other way to get through it.
FYI .... today my daughter wants nothing to do with her father.... Today, after many years of theraphy and some recover .... I feel really bad for him. She is an increadable person and is currently missing out. I hope one day they come to terms.
I know soooo well how much that hurts and how hard it is. When I left my daughters father ( because he is an Alcoholic, when she was born the game changed, unfortunally he did not) he did not pay one bit of attention to her after he figured out I was serious. I can remember one time calling and almost begging him to either take her out to buy summer cloths or to give me child support to buy them... his response was "if you can not afford her, give her to him.... Im not sending you money" YES the children suffer, but in the long run (14 years experience) it comes back to haunt them... All you can do is the best you can for your children.
Also let yourself feel what you need to feel. Dont act on it, remember to take the high road... but inside allow yourself to go though the fire hon... there is no other way to get through it.
FYI .... today my daughter wants nothing to do with her father.... Today, after many years of theraphy and some recover .... I feel really bad for him. She is an increadable person and is currently missing out. I hope one day they come to terms.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
((kermit))-- that sucks and everyone up there is right in saying that it is truly his loss and I know YOU know that. The sad thing is that he will probably not realize how much he is missing for a very long time. By then your boys may not want anything to do with him. It is so sad, but it does happen too often. Not just w/alcoholics, but with all deadbeat dads (which is what he has become).
Do your best to make this a great birthday party for your son. I have no doubt that you will. Have a great weekend.
Do your best to make this a great birthday party for your son. I have no doubt that you will. Have a great weekend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 410
Hi Kermit - I read this reply on another thread and I thought it was pretty good and would apply to you as well.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Originally Posted by gypsyrose
One of the ways my children and I deal with the confusion that comes with loving someone who is an alcoholic is by seeing him as two different people. There's the man we love and then there's the alcoholic that keeps him from us. We even gave the alcoholic a nick name. We don't hate "daddy" but we definately don't like "PJ."
You're doing great to be thinking about these things and making choices about how to deal with them. In the end, it's not about what your mother has or hasn't done or does or doesn't do, it's about you being who you want to be.
You're doing great to be thinking about these things and making choices about how to deal with them. In the end, it's not about what your mother has or hasn't done or does or doesn't do, it's about you being who you want to be.
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