Please help me

Old 04-25-2006, 04:03 AM
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Please help me

I am new here i guess i am not unique but i am comming into my 3rd year of sobriety i have just separated from my partner who is back drinking and using.

I am feeling very lonely and abandoned for nearly 18 months i lived with my partner she did not want me there so she kept saying but she was often drunk when saying this, so i did not take much notice maybe i should have.Finally i did 2 and a bit weeks ago she yet again drunka bottle of wine and then told me to leave and i did.

I have worked the 12 step programme and as i said comming into my 3 year as much as i beleive that god has plans for me it is difficult sometimes ti c that. I c my xpartner in a great deal of emotional pain i am sure that she is drinking and using but i know there is nothing i can do about that.

I feel that she has let me down i beleived in her when no one else did now she just pushed me away i think she has done this so that she can use i would like some one to tell me different because i cant work it out.

She seemed happy had eveything she wanted her own freedom etc materially we did ok her children were happy and she just got herself a job
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Old 04-25-2006, 04:11 AM
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Like you said she probably let you go so that she could use ~ guilt free. I think the only thing you can do is encourage her to get help & support her. Pray for her and be there for her children, be sure they are safe. Otherwise take care of yourself and do waht you need to do in order to be happy & safe. God Bless!
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:08 AM
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Congratulations on YOUR sobriety!!! I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation but being an ex addict you must understand the cycle. There is nothing that YOU can do and I think kmagk said it best.

Best of luck
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:31 AM
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welcome, albion

congratulations on your sobriety. you mention you have worked the 12-steps. have you considered al-anon also for help with your feelings and dealings with your partner? i know many people who are in both programs. as brammy said, you do have the perspective on what your partner is going through. good luck with everything.
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:36 AM
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Congratulations....
I'm new too...
So I don't really know what to say except that we are here for you.
and that we feel you.......
It's hard....
Good luck......
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Old 04-25-2006, 05:58 AM
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Congrats on your sober time. If you think about it she did not let you down unless you allow her too. She has let herself down and it is very easy to push the blame on some one else when one is active in one owns addiction. I know all bout the guilt . Since you are new you must not know that I lost my best friend and sister 3 weeks ago to this horrible disease. Miracle was her name here and she indeed is one. When you get a chance, please go back and read her posts and threads. My little sis had a heart of gold and a lot of wisdom on the subject of addiction. Trish fought a long and hard battle but even though she is no longer here physically, her soul is here to help She is loved by many and I know she is still here to help Well, enough or I will start the pity party again and believe me you do not wish to be invited haha Best of luck and as Trish always ended her posts Teach only love.The quote that I love and find so true is "I would rather be disliked for who I am than loved for who I am not.Remember, you are the strong one at this time and keep on the right path. Bless and keep you safe, Love, Nan
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Old 04-25-2006, 06:33 AM
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albion67
Welcome! Glad you are here but sorry for your pain. I also know the feeling........my AH left me and our two children under similar conditions. He has filed for divorce after 27yrs of marriage.....he is angry at me(really, taking his negative everything and putting them onto me and the kids) so he can try to "control" his drinking........really keep drinking without the guilt.

It is very difficult and frustrating, as you well know. There is no talking, explaining,etc that will make him see what he can not. I am so glad you are here. For me, seeing that this is more about the disease than a personal rejection does help some. I imagine as a recovering A, you know all this better than I do, but it still hurts.

Congratulations on your own recovery.....that is wonderful! The frustration that you must feel knowing there is a better way for your partner must tear at your heart. Keep your own forward movement...........yes, I am sure God has His plan for you, me, all of us. Trust is sometimes so hard......why I want to hold on to these problems when I could/should give them over is beyond my reasoning.......just the human condition.

I passed a sign the other day that spoke to me, and I keep trying to remind myself of it, for I believe it to be true. It said: "RELAX: God is in charge"...... Hope today is a good one for you and your partner,too.
Please keep coming back and post often!

p.s. Alanon, "Co-Dependent No More", "Getting Them Sober" and http://www.GettingTheSober.com all are helpful resources, IMHO
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Old 04-25-2006, 09:18 AM
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Albion I truly understand your pain. I was 3 years sober, when my sponsor suggested I join Al-anon to enhance my program and learn how to deal with the alcoholics in my life.

That was just about 22 years ago now and Al-anon has been a BIG help. It gave a different perspective on those 12 steps and how to apply them to ME. See what your sponsor says and then if sponsor is agreeable give Al-anon a try. What al-anon showed me was a whole NEW side to this "dis-ease" that I suffer from and gave me new tools for acting and reacting with the A's in my life.

As to your partner, she has to find her own way. Pushing you away, very probably was a way of giving herself what she thought would be a "free road" to drink whenever she wants.

Just remember the 3 C's, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Love and (((((to all))))),
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