My Grandfather is dying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Columbus Ga
Posts: 68
My Grandfather is dying
No Sympathy Please!
Today I found out that my grandfather has been put into the hospital, the staff has said that he won't be coming out again. On Friday, the family chairmen will head back to big D to try and make arrangements for my grandmother to leave her house and move into a senior community.
As I reflect on my life with my grandparents, I find myself having questions and moments of clarity. My grandparents relationship has been volatile and fueled with violence for most of my life but when did that happen?
When did the man who brought cold lengths of sugar cane out to the porch on a hot summer's day become the epitome of evil in my little world?
When did the man who would divide pomegranates among the kids become the monster under my bed?
Remembering my grandfather, I remember the times when we would go visit and I would launch myself into his arms and squeal 'Granddaddy! Granddaddy!, in delight as only a small child can. I remember my small hand in his and looking into his big coal-black eyes telling him, in my childhood innocence (as my own son did when he was younger) how when I grew up I would marry him (I picked him over my own father).
When did the man who set my standard for what I found attractive become someone I couldn't bear?
I remember at the ripe old age of twelve (yes, I was old for twelve), after an incident between my grandparents, asking my grandfather to come into the kitchen with me and threatening to kill him if he put his hands on my grandmother again in my sight.
I remember the resentment building toward my grandmother as her hospital visits became more frequent as his drunken rages escalated. Wondering WHY she allowed it. I remember the longest time he ever stopped drinking when the doctors thought he was dying and funeral arrangements were being made. What I remember most about that time was that there was no grief, only relief that he would finally be out of the family's lives. That was more than 20 yrs ago.
Speaking with my mother today, I realize that my grandmother was aware of what he had become. His health problems are so severe as a result of his drinking that many doctors don't believe he lived this long, he should have died long ago. My mother in her absent way said "I wonder why this would kill a good person but he just keeps coming back?" My grandmother's response? "Maybe God takes good people to spare them suffering....." So she knows he was not good.
A moment of clarity of the cycle of alcoholism as I see my uncles who fell into the same path as well as my brother and cousins and I wait with baited breath for the fate of the new generation. The cycle of codependency as I see my sister (in an abusive relationship), myself (leaving my first A relationship) and my mother whose standards and fears have kept her from healthy relationships.
As I watch the people in my life and reflect on my family history it gives me even more strength to do what I must for the cycle will stop with my children. I thank God that I had a semi-normal marriage and found this board the first time I involved myself in a codie alcoholic relationship. The cycle must be broken
Today I found out that my grandfather has been put into the hospital, the staff has said that he won't be coming out again. On Friday, the family chairmen will head back to big D to try and make arrangements for my grandmother to leave her house and move into a senior community.
As I reflect on my life with my grandparents, I find myself having questions and moments of clarity. My grandparents relationship has been volatile and fueled with violence for most of my life but when did that happen?
When did the man who brought cold lengths of sugar cane out to the porch on a hot summer's day become the epitome of evil in my little world?
When did the man who would divide pomegranates among the kids become the monster under my bed?
Remembering my grandfather, I remember the times when we would go visit and I would launch myself into his arms and squeal 'Granddaddy! Granddaddy!, in delight as only a small child can. I remember my small hand in his and looking into his big coal-black eyes telling him, in my childhood innocence (as my own son did when he was younger) how when I grew up I would marry him (I picked him over my own father).
When did the man who set my standard for what I found attractive become someone I couldn't bear?
I remember at the ripe old age of twelve (yes, I was old for twelve), after an incident between my grandparents, asking my grandfather to come into the kitchen with me and threatening to kill him if he put his hands on my grandmother again in my sight.
I remember the resentment building toward my grandmother as her hospital visits became more frequent as his drunken rages escalated. Wondering WHY she allowed it. I remember the longest time he ever stopped drinking when the doctors thought he was dying and funeral arrangements were being made. What I remember most about that time was that there was no grief, only relief that he would finally be out of the family's lives. That was more than 20 yrs ago.
Speaking with my mother today, I realize that my grandmother was aware of what he had become. His health problems are so severe as a result of his drinking that many doctors don't believe he lived this long, he should have died long ago. My mother in her absent way said "I wonder why this would kill a good person but he just keeps coming back?" My grandmother's response? "Maybe God takes good people to spare them suffering....." So she knows he was not good.
A moment of clarity of the cycle of alcoholism as I see my uncles who fell into the same path as well as my brother and cousins and I wait with baited breath for the fate of the new generation. The cycle of codependency as I see my sister (in an abusive relationship), myself (leaving my first A relationship) and my mother whose standards and fears have kept her from healthy relationships.
As I watch the people in my life and reflect on my family history it gives me even more strength to do what I must for the cycle will stop with my children. I thank God that I had a semi-normal marriage and found this board the first time I involved myself in a codie alcoholic relationship. The cycle must be broken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Columbus Ga
Posts: 68
Its kinda funny but I find myself wondering. I was just informed that, according to his doctors, his brain has atrophied. I have to wonder if this is the result of the alcohol. It also raises serious questions in my mind as to whether or not an alcoholic can ever be 'normal' again. I know the disease is progressive and causes brain damage the longer it goes unchecked.
The thought fills me with both sympathy and anger at the A's in my life. Sympathy that they may not be able to change and anger for doing this to themselves.
The thought fills me with both sympathy and anger at the A's in my life. Sympathy that they may not be able to change and anger for doing this to themselves.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Brammy
Its kinda funny but I find myself wondering. I was just informed that, according to his doctors, his brain has atrophied. I have to wonder if this is the result of the alcohol. It also raises serious questions in my mind as to whether or not an alcoholic can ever be 'normal' again. I know the disease is progressive and causes brain damage the longer it goes unchecked.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
