DesertEyes

Hey there Patty. Not putting down the sites, or the people who use them. I'm putting down the "attitude" that I can go from stranger to soulmate in 3 easy steps. A person off a dating site is the same as a person I see at a bookstore or a coffee shop. A stranger I know almost nothing about. Meeting such a person on a date has the "understanding" that the _purpose_ of the date is to evaluate each other for a long term relationship. I don't even know if I _like_ this person, yet I'm trying to compare her against a mental list of required attributes.

Hiring managers spend years being trained in the art of the interview, and they're just looking for an employee. How am I ever going to be able to "interview" a soulmate?

A friend is someone who was a stranger, but I met them as a result of a common interest, common friends and common activities. I don't have to "interview" them, I already know we like each other.

So is mine. I'm working on making new friends, which is a whole lot easier than finding a new partner. MOre fun too cuz there's no pressure.

Whadya think?

Mike :-)

LaTeeDa

You know, Mike, I think this is what my counselor was getting at. Wanting me to get out there and have some fun and maybe even feel those good feelings you get when you find out someone is attracted to you. I'm pretty sure she didn't mean for me to go on a quest for someone to spend my life with.

Am I looking for a new "life partner." Heck no! That will happen in due time, and only when it's meant to.

minnie

Need any help with the house, LTD?

As for the dating thing - I have been single for almost 18 months, whoch is the longest spell since I was 16. Some no-strings dinners or coffee with a nice guy would be great but I'm not sure I'm ready for anything more. Heck, I can't get my own $hit in one sock half of the time so I don't think I'm ready to deal with sharing my life just yet.

LaTeeDa

Yes, Minnie, if I get the vic I will need lots of help. It's my second choice, though. First choice is a 1925 Mediterranean style with more space and less fixing. I should know next week sometime if I get it. If I don't, I will put in an offer on the vic. It seems to me that fixing a house is a much better project than fixing an alcoholic, don't you think? LOL

I guess the dating thing all depends on how you define "dating." For me, it would be the dinner or coffee and conversation. Not the "interviewing for a soulmate." Definitely not ready to share my life, but maybe share an evening......

I will not be doing any searching, or hurrying at this point.

L

minnie

For sure. Especially if you need some strong, fit men around to help you out.

The problem I have is that in the UK, people tend not to "date". You're either in a relationship or you're not. I think there are a lot of needy people out there. Not my style at all anymore. I think I need to focus more on getting some good female friends - the bonus being that you never know if they might have a single brother......

Free-Indeed

Hmmmm, after getting out of a 7 year marriage to alcholic/drug addict spouse ... no way will I even consider "dating" for at least a year, if not, two. I know i have a lot of work to do on myself. First to heal and second to grow. For me, all I would do is attract another unhealthy person to my unhealthy self. I'm too old (45) and too tired to do that AGAIN. So, the next year or so if for ME. Learn about ME. Go back to my childhood and look at what brought me to marry whom I did. I'm tired, can't do this again and ... I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE. I know it, I just have to learn it and live it. All the very best to you ... :-)

sunshinebluesky

this is the problem i have always had--- here in the states. sometimes i have thought that it was I who caused the problem-meeting them,liking them,then,just jumping right into it.
i deal with men all day long at my job.some are really friendly to me,some flirt. i have men smile,say hello, when im out and about. but thats it. NEVER get asked to dinner,coffee. sometimes,i take it soooo personally. but then,i remember some of my very attractive friends and acquaintances who also never get asked out. so,i dont know...im confused...................but sometimes,im actually RELIEVED as i think this time spent alone has really made me much healthier. in so many ways. and im still just not quite ready after almost a year and a half. for the FIRST time in my life-- which i feel is a GOOD thing.

sunshinebluesky

figured id give you the run down on some of my dating (if thats what ya wanna call them)experiences,since ive about tried them ALL at various times in my life.just before computers got big,i used the phone singles.very much like the online thing except that you cant even get a pic first.i believe that you can find someone using those,but ya got to be prepared for the weeding out...and oh my what ugly weeds you can find!! im not talkin physically ugly,im talking UGGGGLY!!!u would not believe how these guys can lie about things that they know damn well,they are gonna get snagged at. one described himself as athletic build,blonde hair. try...big build,a few extra lbs...and gray hair (well at least the hair he HAD).
Then there was the one who i met for a drink,he was nice looking..we had a drink....seemed ok...we walked down to a different place,he went to the men's room and i never saw him again!!!
then there was the most recent a couple months ago....cutie in his pic. talked on the phone a few times,we seemed to get along,we met and boy did he look different.and i think i could have snapped him like a twig! but i was willing to get to know him...well he wanted to get to know me waaaaaaaaaay better,and when i declined--after he said he thought he got some "vibes" on the phone...uh..huh???? and put on a show of saying he felt bad,like he ruined it..........showed me to the door!! i think i was there a total of a whole 45 min.when i got home i sent him a link to a website called "sex without strings".
and thats just a few!!!
no thanks to this crap anymore,i think i will meet them as i meet them, when im ready.

cwohio

oh sunshine - you made me laugh out loud. not at your expense of course!

weeds! LOL

pmaslan

I agree Mike making new friends is always wonderful and yes no pressure.
I think some folks go into the online thing looking for long term, some to
meet people, some for casual dating and some for no string sex as Sunshinebluesky
pointed out.
I think as in anything you need to be specific in what you are looking for.
Me, I personally wasn't looking for a long term or my soulmate.
Just a nice guy to share good conversation and an occassional dinner or movie
type of thing....
On a side note I went out on 2 such dates in October and as I said before
they didn't turn out to be my type so to speak. I did make 2 new friends
and occassionally speak with them so I guess in the big pic it all worked out.