BohemiMamaof3

On another thread people explained that most people would eventually realize my ABrother’s lies, inconsistencies and erratic behaviour. I was just recently at a couple social events (shower, wedding) where some of the people that would normally be sociable were awkward and unfriendly. Brother's lies and drama are the only cause I can think of. My DH and I are in sort a public position, so gossip and lies can be tricky and even hurt us professionally. Anybody else have to deal with this? I suppose by simply detaching from Abro‘s drama, and being gracious and friendly despite people’s coolness is the best choice?
Thanks for any input.
Blessings,
EB

megamysterioso

I think that you answered your own question there EB .

There would really be nothing you could do in order to make those people see things differently other than pull them aside and spill all "the goods" on your brother and tell them how you feel. That would do NOTHING more than cause a huge rift between you and your bro and it may also place you in an even worse light with these people. They may think, "what is she 'trying to prove' by 'slamming' her brother like that?"

All the best and please try not to let this affect you so much and continue to be kind and gracious to these people. They could be "acting cool" b/c they don't want to spark your bro's attention by "being friendly" with you. They probably don't want any part of it to be honest.

best

Just be yourself.

If your brother is rude, treat him the same way you should treat any other rude person that may be there. No need to point out his rudeness as others would see it anyway. No need to hide your feelings about it either. As far as being in the public eye, a kind action on your part could be giving an appology... "I'm sorry, I wish he wouldn't do that" Such would let others know you are just as human as they are and that you care about their feelings even if another doesn't.


Just be yourself.
.

BohemiMamaof3

Exactly! I wouldn’t/couldn’t do that!

Let me clarify a little: These are people that go to another church. My DH is in the ministry in a nearby town, same denom. Before ABro went to their church, I/we have occasion to see some of these people a few times a year at social events, conferences, meetings, etc. They were always warm and friendly. ABro began attending their church during one of his sober periods because BIL, SIL & their family attend there, and he lived in that town, they were trying to help and support him in his sobriety. This past year when I have seen those people there has been a vibe: something different, wrong, uncomfortable. ABro wasn't around at these functions. Sadly he was 'falling off the wagon', in and out of the hospital, then in jail. He hasn't attend that church or been around any of those people for some time because of a break-up with a girl friend he had at the church and the falling out w/BIL & SIL over his actions toward them. BIL was furious late last year over some lies he found that ABro told about him and us to church people, and other things. BiL never went into detail (so I guess my imagination fears the worst?!lol), but said he had to go to several people and straighten things out. The past lies ABro has told, that we know about, have been things that are just plain crazy, cover ups, or to make him look better, get sympathy from others, etc. Maybe people are just plain uncomfortable with ABro in general, and in feeling duped by him: The warmly embraced him, he told lies, they're also hurt. And maybe they just feel awkward around me/us by assoc.
I guess I just need to vent.
Blessings,
EB

megamysterioso

I think you probably hit the nail on the head here. They are probably being different towards you b/c THEY don't want the topic of your brother coming up. Don't take it personally. The drama of an A is incredibly disturbing and unacceptable to those that have never shared in the experience from the inside. As much as your brother may have gotten them involved by telling stories, lies, et cetera, it is really not their problem. No one can truly help your brother. He can do for himself. Just let it go EB and you'll be fine.

denny57

EB

Just be yourself. It has taken many months, but when people have seen me conducting myself as usual, they have responded in kind. There is very little awkwardness in my life now due to AH. There's plenty of other stuff, though LOL.

best

ahhh The whole story *LOL*


What I feel would be best and have seen this put into action...
Bringing forward the problem by saying... If you could, please pray for him.

What that does is acknowledge that you know the problem is there and are asking for the best solution that is available. People see what is going on so you don't need elaborate beyond that asking for prayer.
As far as self... The full armor put on daily will let you know that you are doing right and what others think is their issue. Your yes as a yes and your no as a no, your side of the street remains clean.