equus

Analyze the situation. For example, a serious pain. Think about the pain. If there is a way to overcome that pain, then there's no need to worry, because there's a way. If there's no way to overcome it, then no use to worry too much--you can't do anything! [laughs] Then it's very useful to make a comparison to some past experience or some other possibility of even bigger pain. Immediately, you get the feeling, "Oh, compared to that, today's pain is easier."

So, you see, mental attitude toward the object is very crucial. Even a small event, if you are looking at it very closely, appears very big, beyond your control. If you look from a different angle, from a distance, the same problem seems smaller.

The Dalai Lama.


In this response the begining stage is thought analytical thought, not passive, not purely recieved, but a deep looking at the parts. (Google dictionary).

Before begining to understand what can be done there is a need for a time of learning - this can't be replaced by any single 'one liner' offered on a plate, it's an act of work and attention.

The second part relies wholly on the effort given to the first, the question 'What can be done?' requires an understanding of the most accurate possible knowledge of where the pain is coming from. In my case one example was to understand the pain was not coming from D putting himself at risk, the pain I felt was coming from him being my husband, my hopes for our future, my attachment, what I wanted for me. My love for my husband was giving me joy and pleasure, my attachment was causing me pain. There was lots I could do!

But what about things we can't change?
I believe this is about perspective, a perspective that doesn't centre around just me, my own life and my experiences. I think it allows me to step outside events and see they are not catastrophic, in fact most lives contain things just as hard and many contain things far harder. Simply removing myself from being central to existance, tells me I can still live well.

splendra

I too have been over wrought with the pain of how it did not seem that I could live my dreams with my H having the problems he does. It was when I became "sick of being sick"(parapharsed from the I-ching) over it that my pain became managable. I can still do what I want to do no matter what he does or does not do. I may not be able to have him with me like I would like but there are other people to do things with and I still like doing things with myself. The spiritual pain is much more difficult to keep tabs on and, I am much more likely to let it get out of hand and lead me to doing things I may regret by trying to distract myself from the pain instead of dealing with it...

Also some pain has to be dealt with differently like if I notice I am bleeding I may need to seek some assistance if I cannot manage it myself because it is too deep or the flow of blood is too great. I also have pain from old injuries that do get worse if I do not take good care about my posture and diet..Movement keeps the body alive and is just as important as good food to health.

Thanks (eq)

bahookie

Simply.... lol, this is the hardest thing of all.

J
xxx

equus

Nope - just logical. We live on a planet populated by hundred's of millions of people - I am not central to existance. Why should my emotions be determined as though I am? Why are my loved ones any more central than a stranger? Why should I feel different knowing a man is drinking and hurting himself and others than my husband?

When I take myself away from A) being central and B) MY problems being central, I'm free to observe the sun still comes up and thousands upon thousand of beautiful things happen each and every day. Alternatively I can stare bleakly at my own pain as though it and me are existance itself. I've just begun to understand the value of not doing that - now I have to master the practice!

bahookie

Exactly - this is the hardest bit of all.

:o)

J
xxx

equus

Breaking the habit is hard. There's the way it was - my emotions telling me how big something is; then there's the way I'm aiming for which is to know what I can't change is not so big and use that to decide on emotion.

It's not a difficult thing to do - more a difficult thing to remember to do. The times I've remebered, the times I've realy let it sink in and be with me utterly it has been a pleasure and a comfort rather than a problematic task.

FormerDoormat

And one beautiful thing that happens daily on SR, is you grace us with your words, your thoughts, your presence, your kindness, your gentle reminders that "there's a person behind the disease."

For all these reasons and more, I have the utmost respect and fondness for you.

Missy

Agree with FormerDoormat! the you is this forum... it is keeping me from the crazy house.

jimhere

resistance=suffering.
jim

equus

Yet resistance has led to the freedom of nations - a simple, non-violent resistance I believe to be perhaps the most powerful tool to effect change.

It's a matter of looking carefully and with confidence at what can be done, the effort given to that question is where the confidence comes to accept BOTH what can be changed and what can't.

I think that because I know sometimes resistance is all I've had but at the same time I've so much to be grateful for because I've resisted.

In my job now - the final bit before I leave is just resistance, but I try my hardest and give my upmost effort to look at things carefully FIRST.