He Pulled Out the Gun
 

Wow- sounds like this weekend has been quite the sh*tter for many of us. Friday evening after all day of drinking, I was on the phone with my mom discussing my living arrangements. AH was hysterical b/c we had just gotten into an argument in which I did play a role b/c I refused to sit there like a doormat and let him deface me and hang himself on the cross any longer. He cocked his loaded gun and stuck it to his head and started screaming, "see how easy this could really be???!!! See?? See??"

I walked out my front door and "oh God he pulled out his gun" came out of my mouth and my mom became rightly hysterical. She demanded that I put AH on the phone and by the time I walked in, he had already put up the gun and those two went at it over the phone. I called my inlaws and got the machine. My mother called them after I got off the phone with her. She finally reached them on Saturday morning and that's a whole other story that I don't have the energy to get into. Immediately after this happened, AH started apologizing and saying that "it was 'only a joke'." About 10 minutes later, he wanted me to take him to a friend's house and at first I said no, but thought that he wanted to stay the night there and I wanted him out. I took him and actually stayed the night there myself b/c I felt safe in the presence of these other people. As soon as he was in the company of others, he acted "ok". I spent the night with the wife of the house and her husband kept AH occupied in another part of the house. I had already unloaded his gun secretly. I also gave his gun to my MIL and she said he will not get it back under any circumstances.

He was calm all day yesterday and most of Saturday night. Seems to have come to terms with our divorce- but who the Hell knows what is ticking around in his head. He thinks everyone involved "overreacted" which is BS b/c a loaded weapon is nothing to joke around with or take lightly. I am taking all measures that I can to ensure that I have a permanent place to go in case of emergency. I have my reasons for being here at all right now. If I had the funds, I assure you that I would not be. I know not to expect his calm demeanor to last for the duration of our lease. I am not comfortable by any means. I am preparing myself for anything and will be ready.

He need a psyc evaluation i think...

Oh Mega, that is soooooo scary. I think you should get the hell out of there and fast. You are playing Russian Roulette with your life. How do you know he will not act out his agression on you. And just because you took his gun away does NOT mean he cannot harm you. He is sick and dangerous and you are in his path. Please think about this.

L

man, I just PMed you asking about your weekend, LOL.

Holy cow. "it was only a joke"....yeah, that's funny. My Ah would pull the same thing only to claim it was a joke. weirdo.

If I lived there, you could come stay with me, LMAO....but my house with all these kids is as crazy as yours right now....only they wouldn't hurt you physically, your head would just hurt with all the "kid stuff." heehee.....I'm trying to make you laugh....see, that's a joke. big difference huh?

Have you checked with a crisis line, they can at least advise you, they should also be able to take you in. If you leave the house make sure you ask your lawyer about it, and report to police why you have to leave.

I do not know the whole story, so if this off base, just ignore it. HUGS

Guns in the house, even without the booze, just asking for trouble IMO. My own preference to refuse to ever live in a house where there is also a gun.

Mega, sometimes we have been in the drama so long that we don't recognize serious danger when we see it.

Regardless of your reasons for staying, there can be no reason that is worth your life.

The man is extremely dangerous, this is exactly how spousal murders happen...didn't mean to..was just horsing around..it was an accident... these words mean diddly squat if you are dead.

If I sound harsh, I mean to, I do volunteer work with abused women and I know how these things happen and please believe me when I say that your situation is ripe for serious, if not fatal, personal injury.

Leave, and do your thinking about your next step from a safer place.

Hugs because I care,
Ann

Mega I have a question for you.

Why on earth didn't you hang up with your Mom and dial 911 immediately????

This is no joke anymore. Get out of there, or go to court and get a PO to keep him away.

I believe your HP has given you many "signs". When are you going to start reading them and listening.

Get out of there or get him out.

JMHO based on my own ES & H

Love and (((((to all))))),

Why are you waiting til the end of the lease? I thought you were
planning on keeping the apartment. He can move out now....He doesn't
need to hang on til the end if you can afford it...It is time to make some
changes now. Kidding or not that behaviour is not a joking matter.
I give you credit...I don't know where you find the energy to put up
with this stuff....I am exhaused just reading it......

I agree with Splendra and everyone else.

The guy I used to live with before I remarried was living with a girl after me. Both of them had an explosive (putting it mildly) relatioship ..... both major alcoholics.

One night he calls me to "save him" ...... she stabbed him 10 times and I had to take him to the hospital to get stitched up. No, that's wrong, I didn't have to, but I did. We had been living apart for quite awhile by this time. After the hospital, I bought him back to my apartment and let him crash there, licking his wounds (so to speak). He stayed 2 days and went back to her which was OK with me. He pressed charges against her, but in true alcoholic style, dropped the charges once the dust settled.

The apartment building I lived in had major security so she couldn't get up my apartment, but she knew he was there and came by at least 20 times. She had no idea why he wasn't home, she didn't remember anything and of course I played dumb and pretended I didn't know what she was talking about. BTW, she came within 1 inch of puncturing his heart and killing him instantly!

Today those two folks are married and neither one is drinking last I heard, about 6 years ago.

Mega, deny deny deny all you want, he is a danger to you and he is mentally unstable ..... tell yourself over and over again that you married a mentally psychotic nut case and face the truth. He can kill you!

Here are my circumstances:

1. I have a cat (yes, a cat) that is like my kid and I simply REFUSE to go anywhere and stay where I cannot take her. I have no kids, she is my kid and I will not leave her to live with him no matter what. I know that a cat is NOT worth my life, but I don't feel that MY life is threatened. I know he can stab me to death, strangle me or whatever if he wanted to kill me, but the sheer fact of NOT having a loaded gun in the house brings me more relief than you could know. I really don't think regardless of how psycho he is--- he won't kill me or himself. He is all talk and intimidation.

2. His behavior is somewhat predictable. If he ever tried to come at me in the violent ways described above, I'll get away. In fact, he would be so drunk that he wouldn't be able to walk a straight line.

3. I am getting my boss involved today. He is in real-estate and may know a place I can get into dirt cheap around here or he may be able to lend me money to get into a place fast.

4. I have a job in this town that I do not want to quit b/c of the lunatic in my life. My option of getting out now would entail-- quitting my "dream job" while I'm still paying off Ch. 13 bankruptcy, staying with my parents without my cat, working down there in a seriously depressed economy (pre-Katrina), sky high housing costs and major housing shortages b/c of Katrina.

5. There is NO place locally aside from a hotel in which I don't have the money that would except me and the cat.

6. I will not call the cops, get a restraining order, etc. unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary to save my life. If I were to take those measures as a precautionary rule of thumb, AH would be EVEN ANGRIER and would THEN be hell-bent on revenge of some kind. One of his biggest concerns is HOW OTHERS PERCEIVE HIM. I wouldn't bail him out of jail or whereever, but the fact is- PEOPLE GET OUT AND WHEN THEY DO THEY ARE ANGRIER THAN HELL. A restraining order is only a piece of paper. I'm not going to live my life looking over my shoulder constantly.

I refuse to be chased out of MY OWN LIFE! I'm not giving up the thing I love most, the job I've loved the most b/c he throws a tantrum to scare the crap out of me. If you saw him today, you'd think he was "normal." He's back to "Mr. Nice Guy." I like Mr. Nice Guy and will play along with Mr. Nice Guy until 6/2/06 when I pay the last share of my portion of the rent and get the heck out of here-- quickly and quietly. I'll file for divorce after I move if I must. My main concern now is getting out as soon as I can with my cat into a permanent new home in this same town without AH flying off the deep end in the meantime. Living peacefully with him until that time is the secret to my remaining "safe" IMO.

Well now you know just what he IS capable of. DO NOT take this lightly. If you had called 911, left and never gone back until he was gone, I would say you were not taking this lightly.

He needs the kind of help that you can not give him. He just took this all right out of your hands and I hope for your safety you realize this.

Again that all sounds so exhausting to me....

Thanks Patty and yes Judy, he is a pyscho nutbag--- I know it. His problems are far beyond his alcoholism.

Patty-- AH refuses to leave. I've told him to go back to his home state. He's been wanting to go back there to live ever since we got together. It would be EASY for him, but he won't do it. He wants to stay in this place for another year. Even if he said he would leave when the lease is up, I wouldn't believe him. I think I have to be the one to find another place to ensure my own security. It sucks for me and he KNOWS it. That is why he's staying.

Pride goeth before the fall Mega and you are full of pride for all the wrong reasons.

Surely someone can watch your cat for a short time. None of your reasons above are valid ..... especially the cat! God, I had 9 dogs and we had to live in a hotel for 2 weeks, I bought 3 dogs with me, and farmed out the others for a couple of weeks. You are talking to an animal lover here ..... remove the cat from the equation .... I'm not buying it, not for one single second.

Right now he is Trust me, that will change and he is changing the rules of the game right now. You be careful, and although you are full of **** and vinegar right now and blustery with your words, he is changing the rules of the game .... he is a dangerous man and don't you think for one single second he isn't ..... he has major problems from rage, to alcoholism and drug addiction.

Oh yeah-- and I've thought about leaving ASAP with my name still on the lease (the apt. manager will NOT let me off the lease). If I did this though-- my credit goes further down the tubes than it already is and AH will be ticked and out for revenge that I left him with bills he cannot possibly pay.

Let me ask this ....... are you trying to make everything right before you leave? because you won't, if it's not this, it will be something else. Who cares that he'll be pissed off?

Go see a lawyer and protect yourself? Oh I know, no money to do that either.

If your credit is lousy, then one more thing to make it worse won't really matter. Been there, done that also. ........ sigh!

I will be careful Judy. There is no one yet that I have found that can take in the cat. I know that it sounds really stupid to many of you that I'm so concerned over this cat, but I have NO family here except for his and she is my companion. I cannot afford to kennel her for a month+ and that would be super traumatic for her anyway.

What fills me with **** and vinegar the most is the fact that my entire demeanor in my own home is being dictated by all this. I really feel that playing nice and quietly going about my OWN plans is the best way here. Anything else would just cause some other tidal wave.

No-- I don't care what his feelings are for me after I leave and I don't have to share the same space with him. There is nothing to "make right" and he knows it. The only reason I care if he's pissed when I'm here is that he'll do something idiotic and possibly dangerous when he's pissed.

I'd be willing to bet that every person who is dead now by the hand of their spouse felt the same way.