BayouSelf

It is so amazing what a difference just a few days away from my AH has done for my sanity. Just the other day, I found out he was living with new girlfriend from AA and I was devastated. He called yesterday to talk and wondered why we still couldn't be on a "friend" level. I asked him how did he plan on being a friend to me while hiding our conversations and lying to his new girlfriend about talking to me. I told him I refused to me in that type of friendship. I told him to go look up friend in the dictionary and see what it says. His friendships always seem to be one-sided. He wants me to be there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on, but if I need one, he's not available because he can't let the new girlfriend know he's talking to the soon to be ex-wife. I'm just afraid he's always going to try to turn back to me because I am the only one he respects for not putting up with his crap. I told him I couldn't help him and that he needed to call his sponsor. It's just funny how now that everything is out in the open, I went from waiting by the phone and shaking everytime the phone rang, being scared to answer it, not knowing if he was in a nice mood or a cussing mood. Now I'm hoping and praying all day that he doesn't call. Hopefully he'll get to the point where he will finally give up on me. That's not at all what I was hoping for just a few weeks ago, but now that all the "drama" and "guilt" and "resentments" and "fear" are gone, its like "Katie bar the door", I don't want that back in my life. I think I've finally reached the other side of this and it is so peaceful over here. Hopefully some of you guys will make it here with me soon. I can't explain how this feels, but I think this is the serenity they've been talking about at my Al-Anon meetings for the past 2 years, I've just never actually been able to experience it until now. Bless you guys and everyone just hang in there and be strong, it gets better.

greenapplecider

awesome for you!!!
what a weight off your chest i am sure.
i am certainly seeing and learning alot here from reading people's posts
as far as what has occurrd with them as well as applying it to my life and to the woman's life that i ve posted in my thread about.

i only hope the best for you!!!

denny57

I'm with you, Blue. There have been a few days when I've been down, but my life is so serene now I would never go back. I'm glad you've found some peace away from all the chaos.

BayouSelf

Denny, aren't you starting to look back at all of the crazy things we went through and finally wonder what in the world you were doing in a situation like this and why was it so difficult to be strong and get out. I suppose is all based on fear: fear of being alone, fear of financial difficulties, fear of everyone wondering why I couldn't even make a second marriage work, along with many other things. My sponsor told me that FEAR is:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

It's so true. Happy to hear you are doing well. I occasionally have the tough days now, but at least the good days are starting to last longer than the bad ones.

gypsyrose

Wow! I'm so happy for you. Thank you for sharing. May we all gain courage from your experience.

Jazzman

Blue... I think I remember you said your son was not his? If that's the case you can move on w/ your life now. My ex and I had no children together.... very fortunate for that. I shudder to think how I would be doing if I had to deal w/ and active alcoholic co-parent of my children like a lot of folks here have to.

Irondoorknob

Dear Blue,

I am so looking forward to those days. I do have them periodically now, but am still in too much pain. I guess it would be easier if we did not have children. But then they are what keep me going most days.

I am, however, very, very happy for you! Keep up the good work. It is inspirational!

((((Take care))))

IDK

BayouSelf

You're right, my son is not his. My son came from a 12 year marriage I was in. Not really an alcoholic situation as much as I was dealing with a husband with bipolar, but I have to say my son's dad is an excellent wonderful loving participating father. Let me tell you, that son of mine is so happy the AH is out of our house. I'm not sure if you guys have ever seen the movie "Hope Floats", but do you remember the daughter was actually packing up her mom's boyfriends's things and placing them out by the road for him. That's how my son is, he was ready to pack my AH's stuff up a long time ago. He now looks at me every day after school and says "So mom, how was your day?" and finally I can say "Mine was nice, how was yours". He even tells me he can see how much happier I am without that "jerk" (that's what he calls him) in your life. Sometimes our children are smarter and stronger than we are. We should take lessons from them. Our kids haven't yet learned all of the sick behavior and they can see these sick relationships for what they are "sick". Life is good!

BayouSelf

If we had children together, it would be a whole other nightmare, becuase A's tend to use the children to get back at their spouses and these children pay a very high price for AH's immaturity and abuse. We need to protect our children from this abuse and this insanity. They deserve happy healthy moms to take care of them. I just know that I know that I know that God is going to someday place me in a healthy relationship because he knows my wants and needs and I pray everyday that when's he feels I'm ready to somehow let me know.

splendra

((((blue)))))

I am glad you feel better!!! Keep walking keep the focus on you. Nothing gives me more hope than to see someone make it out of the hell of living in active addiction.

It sounds like the AA girlfriend did you a great favor.

denny57

Yes, I am. But I also look back with sadness because I love my AH very much. For me it got so difficult as time went by because our lives were entwined in every way including working together. We were best friends for a long time. I think I did have a lot of fears, but one I've never had is the fear of being alone. I was on my own for a long time before I met and married my AH and I'm fine with it now. I do feel very good about my future. It's nice you do, too.

megamysterioso

((Blue)) I am sooo happy for you and isn't it truly amazing what just a few days can do??? Your son sounds like a very bright young man and I'm sure you two will have an even greater relationship without having AH's drama around. You did a great job at letting AH know that you don't need his kind of "friendship". Kudos to you and enjoy your new-found peace!!!

kermit

Blue, thanks for the post! It gives me hope. I look forward to all this drama to be over with. Reading your post gives me the strengh to keep going.

BayouSelf

I was so afraid that all the pain I went through would be wasted because my marriage failed and my AH decided to move on with another A, but I'm now seeing that my pain wasn't wasted because I can share my experiences and hope with you guys and it helps me to heal knowing that I can give someone else a little hope. Thank God for this website. It is helping me to heal by sharing my story.

kermit

And we THANK YOU!

Irondoorknob

Dear BLue,

I too am looking forward to the day when I can just let go of the pain and really move on. Your story is a great inspiration to me and I thank you for it.

((((take care))))

IDK

Ayers1995

Glad to hear BB - Hope things are continuing to go well for you! Keep reading and learning all you can so that you can get even stronger!