meli2005

Sometimes I feel like i am going to literally lose my mind, between work, my son who is almost two and into EVERYTHING!! (can be very destructive!!), my spouse, a recovering alcoholic/bipolar who is right now really doing pretty well it seems, and the house and everything else. I feel like I never get a moment to myself. Sometimes I acutally feel very angry like just blowing up. I work as a RN and it's a very stressful, people, and physical job. I feel like I have little to no control over my life. I just feel like screaming sometimes yelling and getting mad about it all!!! I know it sounds childish!!! I come home from work after working 12 hours, son falls apart when he sees me. Days off I'm tired a lot and sometimes just feel like doing nothing!! But anyone with a toddler knows it is not restful to be with them.

This morning, I am praying to GOD to give me contentment right now. I know things could be a LOT worse and they have been.

I jsut feel so darn frustrated with things. Doing a simple chore becomes so much harder with my son and everything. This last year was so hard for me. AH was very unstable, he's doing better now.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for motherhood.

Thanks to all of you for listening. I really need to get these feelings out of me and deal with them.

I love my son so much and am grateful for him. I just feel crazy sometimes and insane!!

:bun5

sunshine003

Maybe it'll help to know we all feel like that with small children from time to time. Even if your husband wasn't that, even if you were "normal" (lol, I know), we all feel like that. Here's to it all calming down soon.

denny57

Hi Meli

Sounds pretty stressful. Not off topic, either. From what I've heard and read here, sobriety does not bring instant eternal peace. Is there time and/or resources for you to get some support? Therapy or Al-Anon, something like that. It might help to be able to talk f2f with someone.

megamysterioso

(((Meli)))-- it's good to vent- it's a codie's form of detox. Try and sneak in as many stress-buster things that you possibly can to cope with all this. You're in my thoughts.

sunshine003

When I'm really tired and not feeling like doing all the chasing after a toddler stuff, I go sit at the park and let mine run crazy.

Dalloway

I can totally relate too. FT job, 8 yr old & 1 yr old. I feel worse about this stuff when I catch myself compensating for AH. Is AH doing his share? That's different from stable.

I also use the mantra You Can't Do it All, and I definitely need to plan Mom's time away. I sometimes literally put my baby down for nap on Saturday and bolt out the door with a quick goodbye to my husband to run a silly errand or something to get my mind free.

Hang in there. Some days-weeks-months are rougher than others.

cwohio

i like that dalloway!

((meli)) - my stepdaughter was just saying how stressful her RN job is yesterday (and I thought - you aren't even married and have children yet, just wait). you need some "meli" time - even if only a few hours/days. you have gone thru so much in the last 6 months.

gypsyrose

Ah yes, the age between when they become mobile and when they can be reasoned with... not my favorite. Assuming your child is developing normally, you can rest assured that this really is just a phase and it will pass faster than you can imagine. One of my boys is autistic so the getting to the point where he can be reasoned with has taken longer. I'm with my boys 24 hours a day 6 days a week. One day a week I leave the house for some alone time and the boys are Dad's responsibility. I go have hot chocolate and read a book. I have to leave the house to do it or I'm still the one everyone comes to when they want something. Dad get's the day off once a week too. He doesn't have to leave the house to do it unless he wants to 'cause nobody bugs him for anything if I'm home.

meli2005

Thanks guys for your support. Guess I'm going thru a little slump. I love my son very much but sometimes I feel a little burnt out I guess you could say. My boy turns to me for most everything.

Day, I agree, I would be bored w/out my son and you made me think it would probably be even boring without my three cats who don't always get along!!

My family is 1500 miles away, so not luck there. But luckily, I do have some childcare resources, but they are not free!!

I guess I worry too about my AH, I am trying to pray about my powerless, but it"s hard. It's hard. I feel like things might crash down at any moment. I have been on a lot of rollercoasters with him. The bipolar is under control and that has been a big part of the issue. In fact, went to the psychiatrist today.

Thanks again. I'm praying a lot today for serenity....

BayouSelf

I can remember those days! I was very insane during that period of my life. My son is now 10 years old and all I can say is WOW! What a difference in their ages. I loved that 2 year old stage, but I can remember always being on the edge of nervous breakdown and being a nurse and working such long hours has got to be difficult. Just remember you can't be a good mom to your baby if mom's all stressed out. Do whatever you can to make time for you, NO MATTER WHAT. No excuses! I felt that my "quiet time" had to be well planned in advance, but was well worth it. I'd either hire a young girl/neighbor, to come over and just entertain my child, while I was there. I'd take a bubble bath or go off in my room and read, just anything to get some time to myself. At first, my son was so clingy, but once the girl started coming over on a regular basis (and she was only like 12 or 13, so she didn't cost very much), he finally got to know her and looked forward to her coming to entertain him. Do whatever you can to get some time to yourself to rejuvenate. But, just remember it may not seem like it now, but they do grow up so fast and I hate that I wasted those wonderful years all stressed out. I wish I would have had more patience now looking back.

Ceridwen

and everyone elses too....
my son is just 3, so we're just over the other side of the hill where he can be reasoned with to an extent, and it is much easier - I, and every mother I know, has melt downs where they think they are not cut out for this UNRELENTING motherhood LOL.

I used to feel awful, because after an interupted night's sleep, getting him ready, feeding him, taking him to nursery, doing my job, picking him up, feeding him and trying to fit in some housework (with him "helping"), I didn't want to play with him, I just wanted him to sleep. Sometimes I forced myself to play with him, sometimes I tried to involve him in what I was doing, sometimes I put him in front of the television, gave him an extra long bath (doesn't require me to play much with him) and put him to bed a bit early because I neded the alone-time, and sometimes I stormed out of the room in tears because I just needed 2 mins on my own to go to the toilet, without having to give a running commentary in sing-song speak because I was too exhausted to blink, let alone co-ordinate speaking and peeing

but he looks like he's survived it. I am reading "what mother's do, epecailly when it looks like they're doing nothing" by Naomi something - i'll look it up, it is a great life-affirming read that shore's up your choices and behaviours in mothering *no matter what they might be*, its not a how to do child-rearing book - its just great so far - I REALLY wish I'd been able to make the time to read it when my son was younger (which is the stage of mothering that it is describes most fully),

there are some good suggestions in the other replies (((((((((((meli))))))))))))

thinking of you.
lx

herewegoagain

I so know how you feel. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, another boy due in August. I work full-time, go to school part-time, and my DH isn't doing his fair share of the household duties - yet he seems to have plenty of time for lodge and his buddies. I think even under the best of circumstances mothers of toddlers feel burnt out & crazy from time to time.