Needing advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
Needing advice
Does anyone ever have to deal with alcohol and/or drug abuse from a loved one, and then have to deal with it within your job?
I work as a case manager/social work for elderly and disabled people. I have a patient right now who is in his 50's living at an Assisted Living Home. He is an alcoholic and his drinking has caused problems where he is staying.His drinking has gotten to the point that the owner of the home is planning on telling him that if he doesn't agree to inpatient treatment he will have to leave.
I have met with him many times and tried to discuss this with him, but he is either in denial or just doesn't want to admit it to me. I have set-up/authorized various outpatient services (that is part of my job) which hasn't worked. I get calls from the home almost weekly from staff about his drinking and behaviors. They call me thinking or feeling that I should be able to "take care" of it. I try to tell them again and again that all I can do is offer the help and services, I cannot make him stop nor can I force him to stop.
The owner of this home wants me to meet with her and this patient to tell him this is it- he gets inpatient treatment or moves out. (And of course if he does move out, part of my job is also helping find him somewhere to go).
Every time I see this patient, all I can see is my dad. That will be my dad in a few years (if he survives that long) if he continues on the path he is on right now. And there is nothing I can do about it. Dealing with this patient right now is really really tough. It brings back so much, so much pain and sadness, and I hate that it affects my job that way. Just thinking about this meeting this week is bringing up alot of anxiety and I feel like crying. Some professional I am.
Does anyone else ever deal with anything simular? How do I deal with it, cope with it? How do you keep your sanity but still do a good job?
I work as a case manager/social work for elderly and disabled people. I have a patient right now who is in his 50's living at an Assisted Living Home. He is an alcoholic and his drinking has caused problems where he is staying.His drinking has gotten to the point that the owner of the home is planning on telling him that if he doesn't agree to inpatient treatment he will have to leave.
I have met with him many times and tried to discuss this with him, but he is either in denial or just doesn't want to admit it to me. I have set-up/authorized various outpatient services (that is part of my job) which hasn't worked. I get calls from the home almost weekly from staff about his drinking and behaviors. They call me thinking or feeling that I should be able to "take care" of it. I try to tell them again and again that all I can do is offer the help and services, I cannot make him stop nor can I force him to stop.
The owner of this home wants me to meet with her and this patient to tell him this is it- he gets inpatient treatment or moves out. (And of course if he does move out, part of my job is also helping find him somewhere to go).
Every time I see this patient, all I can see is my dad. That will be my dad in a few years (if he survives that long) if he continues on the path he is on right now. And there is nothing I can do about it. Dealing with this patient right now is really really tough. It brings back so much, so much pain and sadness, and I hate that it affects my job that way. Just thinking about this meeting this week is bringing up alot of anxiety and I feel like crying. Some professional I am.
Does anyone else ever deal with anything simular? How do I deal with it, cope with it? How do you keep your sanity but still do a good job?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I told my line manager what was happening at home when I realised it would effect my work. Substance abuse comes up in my job lots but I don't have the direct resposnsibility of cases, and I work with young people so more often I worry for them rather than it increasing worry at home.
I'm glad I explained things at work although sometimes it's stressed me out a bit how to do that so that it gets understood.
I think if you get on with your manager talking to them might really help, perhaps they can help with the work side or offer extra support while you deal with it? It might also give you a proffessional sounding board for how to use life experience well without it making your job even harder.
Good luck and fingers crossed the stubborn git listens!!
I'm glad I explained things at work although sometimes it's stressed me out a bit how to do that so that it gets understood.
I think if you get on with your manager talking to them might really help, perhaps they can help with the work side or offer extra support while you deal with it? It might also give you a proffessional sounding board for how to use life experience well without it making your job even harder.
Good luck and fingers crossed the stubborn git listens!!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
As an RN I see a LOT of substance abuse. It's a really common problem. You are not a bad professional, but sometimes maybe seeing this client reminds you issues you have not dealt with with your father.
I think I have a lot more compassion towards those with substance abuse issues than say people who have never dealt with this in their personal lives. I've lived firsthand the destruction/stress it causes in the home.
Just offer support/services, beyond that there is nothing you can do. It's really sad that so few take advantage of the treatments available. Remember this also, you are planting seeds in him. They may not take root today or in the near future, but one day they might. You just never know. Also, if he is faced with mvoing out, he might just get treatment. Treatement is all a big process. The alcoholism did not take root overnight, so he is not necessarily going to get overnight either.
Alanon or Adult children of alcoholics might be good for you since you have a father who is also an A.
We have that in our family right now. my FIL is doing very poorly. I think if he doesn't stop soon he will die from his drinking. It's very sad and a very powerless situation.
I think I have a lot more compassion towards those with substance abuse issues than say people who have never dealt with this in their personal lives. I've lived firsthand the destruction/stress it causes in the home.
Just offer support/services, beyond that there is nothing you can do. It's really sad that so few take advantage of the treatments available. Remember this also, you are planting seeds in him. They may not take root today or in the near future, but one day they might. You just never know. Also, if he is faced with mvoing out, he might just get treatment. Treatement is all a big process. The alcoholism did not take root overnight, so he is not necessarily going to get overnight either.
Alanon or Adult children of alcoholics might be good for you since you have a father who is also an A.
We have that in our family right now. my FIL is doing very poorly. I think if he doesn't stop soon he will die from his drinking. It's very sad and a very powerless situation.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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As a Social Worker in Arizona do you not have the power to start an "incompency hearing?"
Once one is started and he is evaluated, then it is in the hands of the court to decide to appoint him a "guardian" or not. If a guardian is appointed then the guardian can put him in treatment or in a facility where he can no longer have access to alcohol.
Obviously, he has some disabilities as he is in "assisted living" now. So.....why not check into getting a "guardian" appointed for him.
And as Meli said, you seem to have some unresolved issues about your own father, maybe heavier involvement in the 12 step program of al-anon would help with that.
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
Once one is started and he is evaluated, then it is in the hands of the court to decide to appoint him a "guardian" or not. If a guardian is appointed then the guardian can put him in treatment or in a facility where he can no longer have access to alcohol.
Obviously, he has some disabilities as he is in "assisted living" now. So.....why not check into getting a "guardian" appointed for him.
And as Meli said, you seem to have some unresolved issues about your own father, maybe heavier involvement in the 12 step program of al-anon would help with that.
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
thanks everyone for the advice. i am feeling better tonight, however tomorrow afternoon is when this meeting is scheduled for. I am just trying to focus on other things untill then.
To answer a few of the questions as briefly as I can- Yes, I have LOTS of unresolved issues with my dad and that does make it hard with this patient. Currently my dad is living with me after getting kicked out of his house, trying to get help for his alcohol abuse and depression, however I came home and he was passed out last night. He isn't working, and I have told him I would help him out as long as he is pursuing treatment and getting help. I am now considering asking him to move out and I am having a hard time with that. (Guilt, anger, sadness, etc.....all the typical feelings)
No, I am not currently going to any Alanon meetings. I have gone to a few in the past, however I have a really really hard time in groups and am not comfortable there. I have considered trying once more, however I live in a small town with only about 4 Alanon meetings a week, all during my work hours.
I could make a referral to have a guardian appointed for this patient, however he would not meet the critera at this time. He is alert and oriented (except when he has had too much to drink), no confusion or dementia. He is just making poor choices right now, and according to his sister, everyone in their family has died at a young age from alcohol and/or drug abuse.
I am going to talk to my team leader again, I have spoken to her about this in the past and she is supportive. If he does have to move out, I will likely ask that he be assigned to a different case manager.
To answer a few of the questions as briefly as I can- Yes, I have LOTS of unresolved issues with my dad and that does make it hard with this patient. Currently my dad is living with me after getting kicked out of his house, trying to get help for his alcohol abuse and depression, however I came home and he was passed out last night. He isn't working, and I have told him I would help him out as long as he is pursuing treatment and getting help. I am now considering asking him to move out and I am having a hard time with that. (Guilt, anger, sadness, etc.....all the typical feelings)
No, I am not currently going to any Alanon meetings. I have gone to a few in the past, however I have a really really hard time in groups and am not comfortable there. I have considered trying once more, however I live in a small town with only about 4 Alanon meetings a week, all during my work hours.
I could make a referral to have a guardian appointed for this patient, however he would not meet the critera at this time. He is alert and oriented (except when he has had too much to drink), no confusion or dementia. He is just making poor choices right now, and according to his sister, everyone in their family has died at a young age from alcohol and/or drug abuse.
I am going to talk to my team leader again, I have spoken to her about this in the past and she is supportive. If he does have to move out, I will likely ask that he be assigned to a different case manager.
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