sunshine003

MIL dropped by a bit ago (btw, I hate the drop in with no notice). She came to see the baby and see how I was doing. She is always very nice but ah is her "baby" so it's a fake kinda nice. We never talk about ah cuz if he's brought up, she is always sticking up for him and it drives me batty. In any event, today she asked, "he hasn't drank at all since his accident has he?" I said, "I don't know." she said, "would you tell me if you did." I said, "I guess but what does it matter?" she says, "if he has, I want to know so I can chew him out."

Yeah, like that would work and if I told her, he'd lie and she'll believe him anyway. In any event, the lie was me saying I didn't know. I do know he has, I've not only seen him, I know he does when I don't see him. I should have just said, "just ask him, I don't want to get involved." I feel as if I was doing the "covering for him" thing. But really, it's just because of what I stated, he'd think I was telling on him even though she asked....and he'd lie to her and I'd look like the crazy one for "making stuff up."

He manipulates the heck out of her and as he's said on many occasions, "he holds the remote control to his mother."

He talks to his mom several times a day. When he's drinking, he just won't answer the phone cuz she'd know right away. Then he'll call her the next day and act as if he didn't get her message, you'd think she'd know the routine but I guess she is in denial.

not my problem but I don't like lying.....especially when I feel like I'm lying for him. But I was really just lying to not involve myself.

Perhaps I should have said that...."please don't involve me in this"

Cynay

I think that is exactally what you should have said...

But Im much better at figuring out what to say after the fact. Dont beat yourself up hon, Im sure there will be plenty more times you will have an opportunity to tell her that

ASpouse

or you could have said:

Yes, he's still drinking.

Done, no open endedness (word???) ..... just plain old truth.

pmaslan

I don't know is a good answer too. I'm sure you will give her a different
answer next time, now that you have thought about it.

splendra

well since you prolly did not know what he was doing at that moment in time maybe it was not really a lie...

Jazzman

Boundaries can be for anyone that doesn't respect your space.

megamysterioso

The drop-in is horrible and it always seems to happen at the worst of times doesn't it? I think you should've said, "ask him", but don't beat yourself up over it. She caught you really off-guard there. And you will probably be made to look like the "crazy one" anytime he and his mother discuss anything LOL. She will see his true colors all in good time perhaps. Or maybe she will live in lala land forever... ???

sunshine003

I'll know better for next time I suppose. I guess I could have just told the truth Judy but I just think it would have created drama. She wouldn't have stopped if I had said yes, even IF I nipped it....

Maybe next time, if there's a next time, I should just say, "I don't want to get involved, if that concerns you than take it up with him. I'm done concerning myself with his drinking."