Is Being Introspective A Stage?
 

I myself and others I have communicated with recently seem to be going through a quiet and introspective time right now while on the fence with our As. I haven't posted any new threads about my daily goings-on in a while b/c to me they are not worth mentioning. I've just been really watching my AH's actions and asking myself the "hard" questions. I feel I'm making a sort of silent progress in my own mind.

Did any of you that are past daily life with an A ever going through this while still living with him or her? Is this considered "a stage of recovery"? If so, what did you learn from that stage of recovery? How did it help you or hurt you?

I don't know Mega are you talking about detaching? Not sure what you
mean.....

I sorta know what you mean. I went through a period where I didn't feel the need to post about the goings on here. Mostly because HE didn't seem so important anymore. Not only that but I came to feel as if I was complaining about the same stuff and was sick of listening to myself, LOL. "oh, he drank and said this, can you believe it....." LOL. Not to make light of it, it's hard, painful and HUGE at the time. I came to a place where his episodes weren't so "end of the world." They were just NORMAL as sad as that sounds, they were expected. But *I* was changing my reaction to them. As my reaction changed, my focus changed so my posts changed.

Perhaps you're moving on to a new stage. One that worries about what mega is doing as opposed to what ah is doing?

Now last night I got all riled up over his crap.....so I had been quiet for a bit but I was very annoyed and cranky last night, LOL.

Im not sure if this is what your refering too but.....

Toward the end of my relationships ... there was always a time when a calm came over me, where I detached enought to take a "outside" look at things.... where I was not part of the chaos and just felt like I had done all I could do.

It was detachment for me, and not detaching with love, it was just detachment. The realtionships ended fairly shortly after because the "emotion" was not there.

That is how I took it too Cynay....
Mega are we even close?

Mega I found SR months after M moved out so I don't know what I would have been posting at the time. How can one explain in detail all the stages of the roller coaster ride? Before every low was a high, a brief period of weightlessness where you perceived a grand view of everything, then the start down again where you saw the bottom screaming up at you and held on tight, then the weight of the G forces pressing you into your seat at the very bottom, can't move. Then the excitement of the next high coming just ahead.

For me, I can honestly say my recovery did not start until I got off the roller coaster.

Well said Jazz....and how true

Mega,
I know exactly what you are going through! I have been very quiet, and layed back just sort of examining my life. As I'm doing this, I'm watching his actions and taking it all in. I don't know if it's a recovery phase, or if it's just a stage of trying to decide....look at things all the way around and not just the good OR the bad things going on in our lives.
I find myself just not wanting to talk to others. Maybe I get all wrapped up in my own thoughts, or maybe I just don't want to feel criticized. I'm not sure. But I do know what you are talking about..... Hope it works out for us both.

Thanks Guys! Yes Patty, I think you are all close. I guess I am sort of detaching and like Cynay said, not "detaching with love, but just detaching" LOL. As Sunshine stated too, I think part of it is just getting tired of complaining about the same ole' issues. There is nothing for me to complain about really. It's like I'm not even annoyed. I just kind of look at AH's actions these days and take it all in for what it is. "That's him, he won't change, I don't expect him to change, accept it or leave-your choice." Not to say that I'm accepting the unacceptable b/c I'm still kind of searching what exactly IS my "unacceptable".

I think I'm soul-searching a lot. I'm really not all-consumed with the addiction aspect of this relationship. I'm more thinking of the bigger picture. As Sunshine also said, mega is thinking about mega LOL! What do I want to be doing in MY life 5 years from now?? Where do I want to be living 5 years from now??? It's like I've been mentally been putting together a "5-year plan." I remember in job interviews being asked this question and I always had some generic answer like, "working with this company and advancing into management" LOL :09: . I never really gave that any thought. Now, I think I'm actually taking this question seriously. 'Bout time I grew up huh???? :18:

Thanks Jazz and Ayers ;). I hope that our "deep thoughts" pay off for us too Ayers. It can't hurt us really. I think it just means that we are more focused on ourselves and less affected by our AHs.

How can one be in recovery and not be introspective?

I reckon it's a great sign.

Thanks Minnie and it's always great to hear from you. I know you've been busy, busy lately so thanks for posting ;). It is a great sign as far as I can tell now. Maybe I had just gotten so used to "bitching" (whether it be aloud or to myself) all the time that being this way had become foreign to me????? It could be a piece of peace. LOL.

Yes Mega, the piece of peace is what is so foreign to both of us. It makes us stand back and say, "what is wrong" .... We aren't used to 'not' being consumed with worry or despair I believe. We don't take your posts as bitching or anything of that nature, sometimes it is what it is. Mostly, for me, it's usually a cry out of frustration or aggrivation. (that's the same things right? Duh)... Anyway.... Keep thinking! I will too....