pmaslan

than an alcoholic....
Just as I thought, yes, he was drunk when he called the other night.
Yes, as I thought, he doesn't remember calling me.

How do I know this?

He called this am at work to say.....
"Sorry, I didn't call you back the other day and get a chance to talk to you."

Instead of hanging up immediately I said, " Call me back? ...there wasn't a
call to return. However, you did indeed call me Monday evening, and we
did talk......
you don't remember that?"

He said...."There has been a lot going around here lately, I guess I
just forgot....."

I said......"Forgot that you talked to me? Well, you can also forget
this call and oh yeah, you can also forget my number..."

sunshine003

so what was he talking about "sorry I didn't get to call you back?" call you back from what? he probably sorta remembers it and can't quite remember it, so he said that to "feel it out".

you know what else? "there's been a lot going on here, I guess I forgot." I thought he had it great there? LOL hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha



I can't quit laughing. He has the same life....sure, he's living with an enabler but rest assured she is getting sick of him, she just doesn't know what in the heck to do with him. he's miserable.

how little really changes. thanks for telling us this, i needed to hear it today

pmaslan

Sunshine...she divorced him over 7 years ago as he drove them to a BK
with his drinking habits....
She should know how awful his addiciton is.
The part that gets me is that she is a social worker....
It is frightening to think that she is counsel for others....
I just don't get the connection there.
He claims it's all for the sake of his son....
What are these two trying to do to that 10 year old anyway...
Not my problem, but it is disturbing to have the knowledge.

Nothing changes if nothing changes...in this case it is a way of life....

sunshine003

oh I agree. Maybe she forgot just how bad it was living with him. who knows? I guess we can't know for sure and only can make assumptions. It does sound a bit crazy but who knows what he told her before moving there, wha tpromises me made, etc. You know how when sometime passes, you tend to forget, like labor pains. She probably didn't do much in the form of recovery on her end after they divorced. I bet she is remembering real quick just how awful living with him is. She obviously doesn't have the personal tools to know how to deal with it, etc.

now, on HIS end, the part I'm laughing about is how he tried to belittle you, etc. He made it seem as if he wasn't drinking, as if life was fine for him.....of course, all a lie. I know you knew this but still. He calls back a day later and says, "a lot has been going on here" that just cracks me up.....yeah, he's making everyone miserable. But I bet in his mind, it isn't him, LOL

pmaslan

It's laughable that's for sure....
He is a very good con artist.
I think he is pulling a good con on her and his son.
He has run out of places to feed his addiction.
He drinks after they goes to sleep at night.
(He did the same thing when they were married too.)
I just can't understand how the stale smell of alcohol
just doesn't knock her over when she opens that bedroom door
(he shares a b/r with his son) every morning.
As far as recovery tools, her box is empty...
As far as lies he is full of them...
As far as me..I have never been more done with him than I am now.
Did someone just turn a Spotlight on? Cause I'm seeing clearly again.

sunshine003

LOL

she probably does smell it. she'd have to know he's drinking again, how wouldn't she? certainly she isn't that blind. you haven't talked to her (I assume??) so you don't know what she knows, sees, smells, etc. and he certainly isn't going to say, LOL

Cynay

But you know what the best thing of all is.

YOU DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.... woooooohooooo

Im glad you told him not to call you anymore, it will making hanging up on him much easier and you will feel less guilt

pmaslan

No I haven't talked to her in about a year. It really isn't my place to
bring it to her attention. Everyone has a payoff for what they do,
can't imagine what hers is in this deal...she has to feed him, buy cigarettes,
gas and whatever else he needs..and he's a prima donna, so he ain't
cheap to keep!!!!!! BTDT....bleeech!!!!!
Aside from all this crap....it's just a shame what these 2 are doing to
that poor boy...he is sweet and I am sure he is thinking it's great to
have momy & daddy, as he hasn't had that since he was 2 and surely
can't remember that.

pmaslan

Cynay...you are right...I don't have to deal with it.....AMEN

You know I did a mini pro/con list in my head about the relationship
I had with him.....couldn't even think of one pro...honestly not one.
Anything decent was always washed away quickly by deception,
never had an impact......
Makes me wonder why I stayed so long.
There never was a reason to after all...



Edit: never had a positive impact

sunshine003

yes, it is sad what he must be going through. I feel for him. But that'll be your ex's heartache and the mother's in the end.

Well I have a feeling that in this year (since you talked to her) a LOT has come out. Someone can only keep this type of thing in the dark for so long. He doesn't seem to be the type to keep his behavior under wraps when your in his space for too long.

oh yeah, he's gotta great life there.....sponging off someone else, sharing a room with a 10 year old, etc. Geez, he takes from the woman who feeds his son? sick sick sick I tell ya

man, I'm suddenly not laughing anymore.

pmaslan

yeah, her child support stopped April 21, 2005 one year ago.
So she has been doing the sole support thing for awhile, now
add him into the equation.
I guess she hasn't learned since the last time he relapsed.
I asked him where he gets the money for booze since he has no job.
He said he skims if from the change from grocery money she gives
him when he does her a "favor" by going to the store.
What some folks consider a favor is amazing.....

Oh by the way...this man will be celebrating his 50th birthday on Monday....
how sad is that......

cwohio

*clapping big time here* - NC, NC, NC! it is sad when children are involved/affected, but it's not your call on that unfortunately. you did good girl!

pmaslan

Yeah, I know Christy....NC
I am such a believer of that, it amazes me that I break my own rule!!!

You know I talked to a friend today and she brought John up.
She said "Isn't he the one who left you at the airport?"
I said "yes, he is."

Why did I ever take him back after that......
All the good he could ever have done was certainly
washed away with that.....
I have travelled long and far since those days.....

Jazzman

Wow... remember this one Patty, no more guilt.

pmaslan

I don't think I ever feel guilty....
I really think it's always a hope when I take the calls.
Not for me, but for him.
I would like nothing more than to hear that he is happy and sober.
I do understand that the possiblility of this is minimal at best.

I don't know maybe sometimes I'm just a little too bored
and the excitment perks things up a bit....
Knowing he is miles and miles away, it's safe.
It's temporary and it requires nothing from me.

But really it would do my heart good to know he was really well....
there's a lot of people suffering as a result of his addiction.

elizabeth1979

I am up to speed I think on what I missed this weekend.
Son of a mother.
Yeah the ole..Lots going on, bit.

she feels needed and isnt alone?

I wouldnt know, bc clearly I have never been in the alcoholic keeping business!

megamysterioso

Sorry I missed this earlier, but what a comeback on your part . You needed to say that as much as he needed to hear it! Who knows what his living situation is like and who cares? The only one to worry about over there is the 10 year old, but his mother is allowing that for some reason.

pmaslan

Mega quote:

The only one to worry about over there is the 10 year old, but his mother is allowing that for some reason.

I thought about this a bit last night. When John and I were together we had
his son come at Christmas for 2 weeks. We were going to cancel the visit but
his son went absolutely insane, making his mothers life hell that we let him come
anyway. I think she has so much guilt about having a child with this man
who is an alcoholic. John went years and years without seeing his son and when
he finally did the kid latched on big time...
I think the kid is pulling the strings begging to keep his Dad there with them.
When John told his son he was taking that job traveling all around the county
the kid went nuts about it. That would be the only reason I can think of for
taking on another mouth and habits to feed. Just can't get past the idea
that this woman is a social worker and should have a better handle on it....
Oh well again not my problem but it is sad.....

elizabeth1979

This is what leads me to believe that she is doing this for her own reasons, her own gain of sorts. It sounds nuts, but you know Patty that everyone gets something out of what they do...
You are right, not your problem.

megamysterioso

Oh Patty... that is really sad that this child is latching on and grasping for his Dad like that. It could be part of this social worker's motives for keeping John there. I don't know. I can only imagine how painful it would be to have a child like this that is longing for a father figure. Maybe she feels just having his body in the house is enough to pacify her son. I don't know. It really isn't your problem though. But, I too think it is sad and that this kid will probably grow up to be dysfuctional.