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This is a hard thing to talk about, but my a/h always watches porn (adult, not child) movies when he is on a binge and I am at work. Without getting into detail, it's very obvious to me that he is doing this. It's part of the incredible outrage I feel when I come home to find him drunk in bed knowing what he has been doing. I feel it's part of his sickness, and don't really feel like I'm being cheated on. But, it just adds fuel to the fire and it does discust me. Does any else's spouse do this? How do you feel about it?
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
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Posts: 1,412
I'm sorry Lizzy. It is troublesome isn't it? My AH knew since before we got married that I was anti-porn. He supposedly threw all of his out, but then admitted that he lied and showed me where the tape was hidden. He swore that he was sorry and it would never happen again. He threw the tape away. To my knowlege, he does not have any in our house, but when we had digital cable, he ordered it twice. It was not just one movie, but several within a short period of time. He even "cracked the parental lock code" I had on there to prevent that from happening (me trying to control things as usual).
Since the second time it happened, I canceled the digital cable and got basic w/no PPV options. I bring home most of the money in this house and those bills weren't cheap. I'll be damned if I pay for it. I personally think it's disgusting. You should have seen the titles of these movies Lizzy- Big A** Latin Lovers, etc. LOL
I just don't get it.
Since the second time it happened, I canceled the digital cable and got basic w/no PPV options. I bring home most of the money in this house and those bills weren't cheap. I'll be damned if I pay for it. I personally think it's disgusting. You should have seen the titles of these movies Lizzy- Big A** Latin Lovers, etc. LOL
I just don't get it.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
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Oh yeah- BIL who is more of a drug addict than alkie also did this to my SIL. He ordered up about $400.00 worth one month w/o her knowing. He was not even employed at the time and borrowing money from the inlaws for the light bill and groceries! Pretty sorry huh?
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I agree with Patty. Not all alcoholics are into porn. As Equus said on another post, this is the man underneath showing himself. (or something to that effect, sorry if I misquoted you Eq)
L
L
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Quote from another thread:
Mega, are you sure about not having that urge to control?
L
Originally Posted by megamysterioso
In fact, my boss refers to me as a "bulldog". ROFLMAO When he first used this term to describe me to new hires, I really thought he was totally joking. Then he clarified it by saying, "she won't let anyone slide on their responsibilities- she calls people out and stays on top of them if they deserve it."
L
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
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I'm positive LTD. 
My boss was not refering to my diligence negatively. One facet of my job requires that I contact other companies that work for our company to follow-up on our clients issues to make sure our clients are being taken care of by these people. It is their responsibility to do so as my company pays them to do this. You would be so surprised at the lack of honesty and effort by some of these folks. I have to "stay on top of them" to make sure the job gets friggin' done. That's MY job.
My boss was not refering to my diligence negatively. One facet of my job requires that I contact other companies that work for our company to follow-up on our clients issues to make sure our clients are being taken care of by these people. It is their responsibility to do so as my company pays them to do this. You would be so surprised at the lack of honesty and effort by some of these folks. I have to "stay on top of them" to make sure the job gets friggin' done. That's MY job.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
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I think it is a part of the whole progression....AH never had so much as a magazine for years.....well now I think that has changed. Jellinek talks about moral and spiritual decline; if it goes on long enough, I do think that is true. Just my experience.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
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That's not alcoholism - that's a man watching porn. It may be that the alcohol makes it seem worth the cost in your relationship to him, or make him think you won't know - but it is a seperate issue.
I think the main issue is that it disgusts you and it still happens in your house - either the communication has got lost somewhere or he doesn't care, both are a problem.
Personally I don't like porn - but maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, I only saw it once and that was a lass getting a plant planted in her bottom!! I didn't really get what the turn on was supposed to be and dumped the guy that was trying to get me interested (not in the plant thing - I hope!). Turned out I was right to dump the guy he was sleeping with someone else!
I think the main issue is that it disgusts you and it still happens in your house - either the communication has got lost somewhere or he doesn't care, both are a problem.
Personally I don't like porn - but maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, I only saw it once and that was a lass getting a plant planted in her bottom!! I didn't really get what the turn on was supposed to be and dumped the guy that was trying to get me interested (not in the plant thing - I hope!). Turned out I was right to dump the guy he was sleeping with someone else!
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Join Date: May 2004
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I have a half-baked theory on heavy drinkers and porn. That when the drinking progresses to a level where there are health consequences, it takes more stimulation to get an, erm, reaction. And men tend to be more visual, hence the increase in porn-watching. Not to mention the emotional-disconnectedness that is a characteristic of many drinkers.
I don't have a problem with porn, apart from the exploitative nature of much of it and the fact that it is generally pretty rubbish. And the men are generally fugly. I would, however, have a problem with it being an exclusively solitary activity if in a relationship.
I don't have a problem with porn, apart from the exploitative nature of much of it and the fact that it is generally pretty rubbish. And the men are generally fugly. I would, however, have a problem with it being an exclusively solitary activity if in a relationship.
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Minnie, I think your theory makes perfect sense and could explain why 'some' heavy drinkers use porn. I do not think that porn is part and parcel of the disease of alcoholism so that all drinkers will eventually go there. Some (maybe even many) probably never will.
My two cents,
L
My two cents,
L
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Originally Posted by equus
... Turned out I was right to dump the guy he was sleeping with someone else!...
Originally Posted by minnie
...That when the drinking progresses to a level where there are health consequences, it takes more stimulation ...
My personal opinion is that many people are addicted to more than one thing. Anything that allows a person to avoid the consequences of their actions can become emotionally addictive over time. Chemical dependencies just make the emotional addiction worse. That's why so many chemically addicted people can leave the chemicals but the behavior doesn't change, they are multiply addicted to things like power, ego, etc.
Mike :-)
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oops, i missed out the word "some". Sorry, I certainly didn't mean to imply all. After all, I have not had sexual relations with all heavy drinkers, so I have no idea!
I don't think R was into porn. I do know now that he had trouble .......finishing, although he tried to turn that on me in a way that I can't even put into words, because it makes no sense whatsoever. It involved buying dodgy cream over the net, which needless to say put the final nail in the coffin that our sex life had become.
I don't think R was into porn. I do know now that he had trouble .......finishing, although he tried to turn that on me in a way that I can't even put into words, because it makes no sense whatsoever. It involved buying dodgy cream over the net, which needless to say put the final nail in the coffin that our sex life had become.
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Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
I think it is a part of the whole progression....AH never had so much as a magazine for years.....well now I think that has changed. Jellinek talks about moral and spiritual decline; if it goes on long enough, I do think that is true. Just my experience.
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