kermit

I saw my AH yesturay for the first time in 3 months, I thought I would be, well, something. but I felt nothing, no fear, no sadnes, and no anger. I felt nothing!!!!! I wish I had. I tried to talk with him but he couldn't even make eye contact with me.Weird. I don't like not having any feelinga about seeing him. Any idea what this could mean?

quietsins

when I saw my ex for the first time in a really long time I felt nothing either. it was kind of a surreal experience.

to me, I felt as if I was seeing this person for the first time. As if he was a stranger to me, and that made in my own mind, clearer how many years I had spent trying to convince myself that he was something other than he was.

for me, it really showed me how mismatched we were at every level of a relationship. in life. in the raising of our kids. all of that.

hope this helped, but I am sure its different for each of us.

good luck,
quietsins

megamysterioso

I don't have much to add since I have not had this experience, but don't beat yourself up over it. You've been through a lot yourself I'm sure and seeing him again was probably rather surreal since you've come along in your own recovery. I would think that after your new time alone that you would feel differently towards him after some time. I don't think your reaction was necessarily unnatural in any way. Maybe it means that you are simply truly over him. That could be a blessing.

mallowcup

When they lose the power to hurt you, they lose the power to manipulate you. The fog clears and you see them as they are. I think it is emancipating and the answer to prayer. There was a time when you didn't think you could breathe without him. Now, you'd rather not see him ever againt han to feel that weird face to face. Amen!

kmagk

I felt the same way after seeing my AH a few weeks ago for the first time. I think I felt nothing because I expected nothing for the first time in our lives. I realized that he would most likely drink again and I would be okay either way.

Cynay

I have not seen my ex-abf as yet... though I do hear things about his....

In your case I have to wonder if your mind is not just on self protection. It has not been that long ago that you were frantic about his and it was killing you.... I think the mind will only stay in that state of chaos for a limited period of time and then comes...."numb" At least that is true for me.

Take this time to just work on you and get stronger everyday.... one day at a time.

Irondoorknob

Although I still see my AH twice a week, my feelings for him are fading as well. In some ways this is scary because if I am not connected to him, who am I connected with? In other ways, it is liberating. I do not obsess about his life as much as I used to.

Although I still have moments of real pain, it is the past that I miss. I really do not know this new person.

Time actually does heal all wounds.

kermit

i know there was a time when i felt that i couldn't breath without him. Little did I know how easy it could be. I have learned alot by posting here and in my alanon meeting, I even picked a sponsor!!! I was blind to so much, when I hear other peoples stories, I think..now that makes more sense to me.. I love my husband very much, I know now that he is very sick and I'm learning how to take it day by day, not to expect anything. i want him to get better and be happy, he is a GOOD MAN he is just so lost. I know now that it has nothing to do with me or the kids, he had a really bad childhood and even alot of his older life was f uped.. I will always love him and I will keep praying that he will get help. I'm hoping that if I get out of his way he will.But for now I will be me the best way I know how. I have learned how to do this from all of you. Thanks for posting and sharing, all of you are AWSOME!
Thanks,Lynne

splendra

Oh (((Kermie)))

You have really grown. I just knew you had it in you!!!

LaTeeDa

Kermit--YOU are the awesome one. Your kids are really lucky to have such a great mom!

L

denny57

That's how I felt too - so relieved to know other people were going through it, too, and understood me. Good for you, kermit!

I also love my AH and I understand what you mean about getting out of the way and letting them find theirs.

kermit

Thanks you everyone!I really enjoy your input. My Dad is 76 and is headed for heart surgery, the first thing I wanted to do was call my my AH. Do you think I should tell him? Me either! I just had to ask .

Cynay

*laughs*

I would first talk to your new sponsor.... congrads.....

She is going to ask you what your motivation is for telling him. Think about it, what do you "expect" will happen in telling him? If he has told you he does not want to be part of your life... is this holding on to him????

kermit

Holding on to him? No, I just know how much he cares for Dad. The reason I don't want to tell him is because I don't want to have to talk with him. Make sense?

Cynay

Makes sense to me

Has you dad asked about him? Asked you to let him know?

I dont want to sound like the devils avocate ... just questions is all. My sponsor asked me the same things when some issue like this came up. I really had to think it all out, that is the only reason I ask, it gave me alot of insight to myself when I had to think it though.

kermit

No Dad hasn'y asked, I will think about it alittle longer. Thanks Cynay..

megamysterioso

Hi Kermit. I hope your Dad's surgery goes well and good luck with your decision. It may be better not to get H involved at this point, but that is for you to decide. If it will put any added stress on you and/or your Dad, I don't think I would do it. Best of luck.

gummibear

I kicked my AH out last night. I have so much guilt and don't know what to do. Everyone tells me this in normal. I had to do it for me and my son. But I too have the reaction to call him just to tell him something when it happens. I am so scared it is unbelievable.

megamysterioso

Welcome to SR gummibear. Please start our own thread so that you can be properly welcomed to the forum. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but you had to do what was right for you and your son. Guilt is a natural feeling, but don't let that steer year back into an unsafe/unhealthy relationship. Please read as much as you can here and continue to post. You're not alone.

BayouSelf

I will celebrate on the day that I see my AH soon to be ex husband and feel nothing. What a joy that will be for me. I'm sure it won't take much longer for me to get there. Life is too good to have all of the joy of every day sucked out by a self-righteous, self-centered alcoholic who doesn't know from one day to the next what it is that he wants. One day he wants us to be together, the next he's telling me to f&&k off without any provacation. I've always wondered if he has a split personality. I pray to have strength like you. There is hope.