The A...and more confusion! Helpppppppppp!
Fantastic Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
The A...and more confusion! Helpppppppppp!
Hi everyone.............
Well the A continues to make progress with his drinking. He still goes to all meetings...but I am seeing something I can barely handle. He is pushing me so hard to drop the ivorce proceedings. Granted I dont want to go forwardwith it at this time...but I feel like I am slipping in to uncharted waters if I let that go, as if it is MY saftey net. He SAYS...he is doing well how can I doubt him and that he does not expect to come backfor sometime into the house. I am so afraid... that If I drop everything ..."something".....will happen. Some hiddden AGENDA?I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK................!
I A M STARTING TO ARGUE WITH HIM A TON...TODAY HE WENT OFF ON ME ABOUT MY SON....
Old issues are coming up now...as if our honeymoon recovery period has no ended.
What do you guys think.....and I just being a $%^&*()_?????
Love Kitty
Well the A continues to make progress with his drinking. He still goes to all meetings...but I am seeing something I can barely handle. He is pushing me so hard to drop the ivorce proceedings. Granted I dont want to go forwardwith it at this time...but I feel like I am slipping in to uncharted waters if I let that go, as if it is MY saftey net. He SAYS...he is doing well how can I doubt him and that he does not expect to come backfor sometime into the house. I am so afraid... that If I drop everything ..."something".....will happen. Some hiddden AGENDA?I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK................!
I A M STARTING TO ARGUE WITH HIM A TON...TODAY HE WENT OFF ON ME ABOUT MY SON....
Old issues are coming up now...as if our honeymoon recovery period has no ended.
What do you guys think.....and I just being a $%^&*()_?????
Love Kitty
Guest
Posts: n/a
My opinion is to keep it the way it is and see what happens. I think a year would be good. He is still so new to recovery. If it goes back to the way it was you will wish you had listened to your intuition. If not then nothing was hurt by waiting. So I say do the safest thing which would be to leave it the way it is.
Hugs,
MG
Hugs,
MG
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Hi Kitty!
Remember, JUST FOR TODAY you don't have to make any decisions at all. I agree with MG, let things ride for awhile. If you feel pressured or uneasy, it's probably not the time to make a big decision. You will know if and when the time is right for you guys to start again, and even then you'll want to take it slowly!
Take care of yourself .... bubble bath therapy is probably in order for tonight.
HUGS
Osier59
Remember, JUST FOR TODAY you don't have to make any decisions at all. I agree with MG, let things ride for awhile. If you feel pressured or uneasy, it's probably not the time to make a big decision. You will know if and when the time is right for you guys to start again, and even then you'll want to take it slowly!
Take care of yourself .... bubble bath therapy is probably in order for tonight.
HUGS
Osier59
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Kitty,
You can always call your lawyer and ask him to just put a 'hold' on your divorce. I know. My husband is a lawyer and he has clients call him all the time with that request. The lawyer just 'continues' it or just doesn't file it. But that doesn't mean it's totally dropped. It can be picked back up at a moment's notice.
In the meantime, I'd keep the distance...him at his place, you at your place and just see how his recovery progresses. See, I'm thinking postiive there with that 'progressing' word.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
You can always call your lawyer and ask him to just put a 'hold' on your divorce. I know. My husband is a lawyer and he has clients call him all the time with that request. The lawyer just 'continues' it or just doesn't file it. But that doesn't mean it's totally dropped. It can be picked back up at a moment's notice.
In the meantime, I'd keep the distance...him at his place, you at your place and just see how his recovery progresses. See, I'm thinking postiive there with that 'progressing' word.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Fantastic Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Hangin.............
My husband is getting crazy over money! He says the attorneys will charge a ton for another continuance....my atty. ifs VERY expensive...he sucked down $20,000 in a flash! No offense to your hubby! Mine says we need to drop the case for now...and can always pick it back up. My atty is very high powered and aggressive. Oh what a crazy mess.
I am afraid my A is going back to his obsessive ways again...this is not good at all. It starts when he calls me 5-8 times a day...we are getting there.......: (((((((
Love Kitty
My husband is getting crazy over money! He says the attorneys will charge a ton for another continuance....my atty. ifs VERY expensive...he sucked down $20,000 in a flash! No offense to your hubby! Mine says we need to drop the case for now...and can always pick it back up. My atty is very high powered and aggressive. Oh what a crazy mess.
I am afraid my A is going back to his obsessive ways again...this is not good at all. It starts when he calls me 5-8 times a day...we are getting there.......: (((((((
Love Kitty
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Kitty,
I don't like the pressure that your husband is putting on you. It feels like manipulation to me. It is your decision whether you decide to continue with the divorce or not - it seems like he is trying to make you stop. That doesn't sound like recovery to me. Perhaps you could put a little more distance between you and your hubby for awhile. Perhaps you could just say that you are feeling pressure from him and want to limit your interaction until you feel comfortable again. Take a deep breath and know that you don't have to decide today.
I don't like the pressure that your husband is putting on you. It feels like manipulation to me. It is your decision whether you decide to continue with the divorce or not - it seems like he is trying to make you stop. That doesn't sound like recovery to me. Perhaps you could put a little more distance between you and your hubby for awhile. Perhaps you could just say that you are feeling pressure from him and want to limit your interaction until you feel comfortable again. Take a deep breath and know that you don't have to decide today.
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: st. petersburg
Posts: 13
Hi Kitty
I have a little different opinion than others even though on same note...I must first say I left the a in my life 4 months ago and I am missing him so much...but he will just not stop. and now acts like he doesnt care about me anyway.
If he was going to treatment and doing the things your husband is I would be so thankful and so happy evryday...everyday he was trying...becuase it is not easy for him...his whole body is tweaking out...and the fast that he is on the right path...well that speaks for itself...I say give your husband a big hug and a kiss becuase he obviously loves you and is trying to better himself
Peace & LOve and ((((((HUGS)))))))
Delight
I have a little different opinion than others even though on same note...I must first say I left the a in my life 4 months ago and I am missing him so much...but he will just not stop. and now acts like he doesnt care about me anyway.
If he was going to treatment and doing the things your husband is I would be so thankful and so happy evryday...everyday he was trying...becuase it is not easy for him...his whole body is tweaking out...and the fast that he is on the right path...well that speaks for itself...I say give your husband a big hug and a kiss becuase he obviously loves you and is trying to better himself
Peace & LOve and ((((((HUGS)))))))
Delight
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: land of 10,000 lakes
Posts: 261
Kitty,
I do not know the particulars of your life with your husdand....
however I am very sure that your attorney has all the info on the ins and outs....if he says.."we need to drop the case for now...and can always pick it back up." Personally I have found that they (attorneys) are right more that they are wrong...unless they have been lied to. IMHO.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Blessings & Hugs,
Vinnie
I do not know the particulars of your life with your husdand....
however I am very sure that your attorney has all the info on the ins and outs....if he says.."we need to drop the case for now...and can always pick it back up." Personally I have found that they (attorneys) are right more that they are wrong...unless they have been lied to. IMHO.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Blessings & Hugs,
Vinnie
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 19
The A and more confusion........
Hi Kitty and all:
This is my second day on the boards. I have my own program in ALA-non which I find a life saver for me. My A is very new in abstinence. I wish I could say sobriety, however, it's so early, almost a month now.. My ex and I went through his alcohol problems 22 years ago, so I'm thinking, "Oh no, not again".....but that's my problem.
I asked my current hubby to move out for 30 days while the fog cleared. I was asked by a mutual friend to allow him to stay for my benefit. I didn't understand that at first, however, it has been working OK for both. I was afraid that I would "give in" and act as if "nothing" happened after a few weeks. So far, I've kept him at arm's length. He has his program and I have mine. Both of us realizing we have problems.
I would like to be in marriage counseling, however, his sponsor feels that's too much too soon. I intuitively agree deep down.
This is my second day on the boards. I have my own program in ALA-non which I find a life saver for me. My A is very new in abstinence. I wish I could say sobriety, however, it's so early, almost a month now.. My ex and I went through his alcohol problems 22 years ago, so I'm thinking, "Oh no, not again".....but that's my problem.
I asked my current hubby to move out for 30 days while the fog cleared. I was asked by a mutual friend to allow him to stay for my benefit. I didn't understand that at first, however, it has been working OK for both. I was afraid that I would "give in" and act as if "nothing" happened after a few weeks. So far, I've kept him at arm's length. He has his program and I have mine. Both of us realizing we have problems.
I would like to be in marriage counseling, however, his sponsor feels that's too much too soon. I intuitively agree deep down.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Kitty -
I also think that the right thing to do right now is nothing. Surely this lawyer can't charge you big time to just wait a while.
Making any decision under this kind of pressure is not healthy.
And it is time that Kitty decides what's right for Kitty. Sure do miss your furry little comments @#^%$!! around here. Big hugs to you Kitty.
I also think that the right thing to do right now is nothing. Surely this lawyer can't charge you big time to just wait a while.
Making any decision under this kind of pressure is not healthy.
And it is time that Kitty decides what's right for Kitty. Sure do miss your furry little comments @#^%$!! around here. Big hugs to you Kitty.
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