'New' Definition of insanity....
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by denny57
Many times I have typed "my husband" and then backed up and put "AH." I think it's more for the people reading the posts so they know where you are coming from. I certainly don't talk to the people around me and say "my alcoholic husand." I don't see him as ONLY an alcoholic.
Same here.......shorthand for people reading the post.
Many of the people who DO know my "AH" don't even know he is an alcoholic.....or have even ever seen him drink anything. [(He stopped doing that at business functions and family get-togethers a few years ago...just like my sister who just went thru rehab. this year. They were the ones that noticed it in the other; hmmmmm.] The point of that is that I do not refer to him as Bob, the alcoholic......that is his business. I do not hide the fact (if asked) that I go to open AA or Al-Anon, if asked but I also don't go around and announce it, either.
I admit...."PC" is really one of my pet peeves. Compassion, yes but sometimes its's all smoke and mirrors. With me, what you see is what you get...........bluntness doesn't have to be a part of honesty, but some of the PC goes way too far...IMHO.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I hope no one takes offense, this is what is in my brain....
I admit I get confused on the whole "naming what I see" issue.
If I see alcholic/addict behavior, but cannot name it as such... then I have to spend several more words describing the behavior without naming it. Perhaps serveral times. Yet I observe agressive driving and describe it as such, and state that he or she is an agressive driver - don't folks understand that is based on my observation and perception?
Is this rule supposedly because only *I* know if I am an alcoholic? Why? Why can't others look at me and see alcholic behavior and label me an alcoholic... I guess I don't understand.
"Normal" and "abnormal" are broader terms, but in the same vein. Isn't "normal" only what I am used to seeing? If I live in a community of nudists, nudity is "normal". If I live in most western societies, nudity is only "normal" in certain situations. There are some smaller communities that believe nudity is never "normal".
I refer to non-alcoholics as "normies", but I certainly could not class all non-alcholics as "normal"... smile... yet if my "frame of reference" is UNIVERSAL, then to me, all earthlings are "normal" and all other space aliens are "abnormal".
Normal is in the eye of the beholder. And I have the option to TAKE offense at the term... that is my choice. For me, much of the PC stuff results from well-meaning folks who first choose to enlighten... but sometimes, slip over into choosing to be offended.
When I first heard the idea of "choosing to be offended"... guess what? Yep. I was offenended! (grin) Now, I can see times where I believe that has been true... for me.
Ok,...out of my brain! ... all of you... back to your world.
I admit I get confused on the whole "naming what I see" issue.
If I see alcholic/addict behavior, but cannot name it as such... then I have to spend several more words describing the behavior without naming it. Perhaps serveral times. Yet I observe agressive driving and describe it as such, and state that he or she is an agressive driver - don't folks understand that is based on my observation and perception?
Is this rule supposedly because only *I* know if I am an alcoholic? Why? Why can't others look at me and see alcholic behavior and label me an alcoholic... I guess I don't understand.
"Normal" and "abnormal" are broader terms, but in the same vein. Isn't "normal" only what I am used to seeing? If I live in a community of nudists, nudity is "normal". If I live in most western societies, nudity is only "normal" in certain situations. There are some smaller communities that believe nudity is never "normal".
I refer to non-alcoholics as "normies", but I certainly could not class all non-alcholics as "normal"... smile... yet if my "frame of reference" is UNIVERSAL, then to me, all earthlings are "normal" and all other space aliens are "abnormal".
Normal is in the eye of the beholder. And I have the option to TAKE offense at the term... that is my choice. For me, much of the PC stuff results from well-meaning folks who first choose to enlighten... but sometimes, slip over into choosing to be offended.
When I first heard the idea of "choosing to be offended"... guess what? Yep. I was offenended! (grin) Now, I can see times where I believe that has been true... for me.
Ok,...out of my brain! ... all of you... back to your world.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
My view on the whole initial thing is that if you offered different advice because you didn't realise D was an alcoholic then so be it - because first an foremost it's about people.
If I'm talking aboutsomething relating to alcohol like a lapse you'd know anyway, if I was making a comment about something I learned from his positive actions - would it matter whether he was an 'A' or not?
I didn't ever feel AH was wrong but it was wrong for me, I don't think of him in terms of alcoholism, any more than in terms of him being blonde - both are true, neither define him. In fact the most striking thing about D is his stupid high IQ but even then I don't think of him as 'My Genius' - I would call him GH. This is personal to me - who he is to me, so for ME AH is just an abreviation other people use, I read Alcoholic Husband but don't think much about it beyond that.
When it comes to behaviour - some behaviour is abnormal, some is normal BUT whole people? Where could anyone draw the line on that? If we say people are abnormal rather than behaviour or circumstance, or skills then where does it go?
Right from the start all I have said is that 1 quote out of the group of them I do think is wrong.
PC is when folk claim they know better - but I'm open that I'm learning too, I quoted from what I wrote a week before this, other times I've done the same. I don't see myself as one better than RP, things I have done and said later have struck me as wrong - sometimes I've been grateful to have thought about something from someone else giving me a nudge. Sometimes I have WISHED that I learned a thing that way rather than the far harder way of KNOWING as the words come out suddnely what they really mean.
My language has changed and I'mso grateful for that - I hope I keep changing because I know I will know more next month than I do now, I don't want to be static.
If I'm talking aboutsomething relating to alcohol like a lapse you'd know anyway, if I was making a comment about something I learned from his positive actions - would it matter whether he was an 'A' or not?
I didn't ever feel AH was wrong but it was wrong for me, I don't think of him in terms of alcoholism, any more than in terms of him being blonde - both are true, neither define him. In fact the most striking thing about D is his stupid high IQ but even then I don't think of him as 'My Genius' - I would call him GH. This is personal to me - who he is to me, so for ME AH is just an abreviation other people use, I read Alcoholic Husband but don't think much about it beyond that.
When it comes to behaviour - some behaviour is abnormal, some is normal BUT whole people? Where could anyone draw the line on that? If we say people are abnormal rather than behaviour or circumstance, or skills then where does it go?
Right from the start all I have said is that 1 quote out of the group of them I do think is wrong.
PC is when folk claim they know better - but I'm open that I'm learning too, I quoted from what I wrote a week before this, other times I've done the same. I don't see myself as one better than RP, things I have done and said later have struck me as wrong - sometimes I've been grateful to have thought about something from someone else giving me a nudge. Sometimes I have WISHED that I learned a thing that way rather than the far harder way of KNOWING as the words come out suddnely what they really mean.
My language has changed and I'mso grateful for that - I hope I keep changing because I know I will know more next month than I do now, I don't want to be static.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Politically correct. At one time it was used to describe people saying n***ger or P**ki was wrong, now it for example 'handicapped' isn't really used. I agree with that because it came from people that said they hated it. Like calling Down's Syndrome 'Mo***lism' - when that first changed it was talked about as PC, or those with cerebal palsy not being called 'spas**c'.
I don't want those words back but I don't want to get angry at people saying them - I once used P**ki without even thinking about it.
My bottom line is to treat others how I want to be treated, I'd want to be given a nudge to think, not hated, not judged, not have someone tell me I'm stupid or meant to cause offence - just to be told. I can't stomach to think of my own life if I'd never changed the way I spoke or the words I used.
If that makes me PC - then I'll be PC with pride! But to me politics is about getting one up and that's not what I'm about (fat chance - folk know me too well!).
I don't want those words back but I don't want to get angry at people saying them - I once used P**ki without even thinking about it.
My bottom line is to treat others how I want to be treated, I'd want to be given a nudge to think, not hated, not judged, not have someone tell me I'm stupid or meant to cause offence - just to be told. I can't stomach to think of my own life if I'd never changed the way I spoke or the words I used.
If that makes me PC - then I'll be PC with pride! But to me politics is about getting one up and that's not what I'm about (fat chance - folk know me too well!).
alcohol-kicked-my butt
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: oregon
Posts: 191
hey equus
i hope i didnt sould harsh with the politically correct craze stuff--boy i just put my foot in my mouth sometimes--i know everyone comes to how they think because of their life experiances and we all see things from a different point of view--im at the stage where i sort of feel like a hippie--peace and love--lets all get along--lighten up --have fun--bot five yrs from now i may be like in a suit on wall street--i mean we change our views i think thru life as we gain more perspective--then again i may b wrong--whew--lol--take care all
Laura
i hope i didnt sould harsh with the politically correct craze stuff--boy i just put my foot in my mouth sometimes--i know everyone comes to how they think because of their life experiances and we all see things from a different point of view--im at the stage where i sort of feel like a hippie--peace and love--lets all get along--lighten up --have fun--bot five yrs from now i may be like in a suit on wall street--i mean we change our views i think thru life as we gain more perspective--then again i may b wrong--whew--lol--take care all
Laura
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
Heard about that Dr in Europe someplace, coming out with claims that black people are not as bright as white people. To all dissedents of his claim he just squel "political correctness gone mad"...
The labelling of someone or something as politically correct is far more damaging than the "threat" of politcal correctness. You cant defend people these days without being called a tree hugging looney!
The labelling of someone or something as politically correct is far more damaging than the "threat" of politcal correctness. You cant defend people these days without being called a tree hugging looney!
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Perhaps I'd re-word the quote that was being talked about as far as Having a normal relationship with someone that is abnormal - but in the context of this board - I fully get what was meant by it. Maybe I'd look at it as "It's abnormal to try to have a relationship with someone that isn't in the relationship".
I felt for a long time that I was the only one in my marriage - even told ah quite often that I felt like I was married to myself.
I guess I understand that the quote is misleading - but understand it's intent in this forum.
There are many quotes out there that can have different meanings. I think it's all in how we read them and what we take from them. Falls under the "take what you want and leave the rest" theory in my book as well as the idea that we all interpret things differently. But it's nice that on forums like this, we are led to re-think certain ideas and thoughts. I believe this is how we grow.
I felt for a long time that I was the only one in my marriage - even told ah quite often that I felt like I was married to myself.
I guess I understand that the quote is misleading - but understand it's intent in this forum.
There are many quotes out there that can have different meanings. I think it's all in how we read them and what we take from them. Falls under the "take what you want and leave the rest" theory in my book as well as the idea that we all interpret things differently. But it's nice that on forums like this, we are led to re-think certain ideas and thoughts. I believe this is how we grow.
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