lizzy girl

Can one really find "true" happiness while living with a drinking alcoholic?

Zoey

lizzy girl... Welcome to SR, this is a great place.
Maybe tell us a bit more, then some others will be along to share.
Are you living with an alcoholic, or just wondering??

I think it can be done, but one has to know how to be happy alone, we have to accept them as they are, drinking and all. Then if they get into recovery it is a plus.

If we are going to be unhappy with everything they do and try to change them, then we will be miserable and unhappy.
we can not change anyone else.

The bigest worry is if they drink and drive. Also if any abuse it gets worse, if physical abuse we better leave, it will get worse. All this is just my opinion.
Keep coming back.

lizzy girl

I am just starting to get help for myself after 27 years of living with an alcoholic husband. Its hard for me to believe I could ever be truly happy when he is drinking.
Detachment seems like an unachievable mystery to me right now. I can't yet bring myself to an alanon meeting, but I have been seeing a counselor for the last month.
It's so overwhelming right now.

megamysterioso

(((lizzy))) I'm sorry you're having a rough time now. I think that seeing a counselor is a great start. I have only been married to my AH for about 3 1/2 years, so I truly cannot fathom 27 years with an alcoholic. I'm sure you've had some hellish times, but you are making a great new start by finding support for yourself.

Just keep reading and posting here. There are so many wonderful people in advanced stages of recovery here that will be able to give you some great insight a little later on. Many of them will be around in the morning. You are not alone .

denny57

Welcome Lizzy

I was with my AH 18 years and decided I could not be happy living with him drinking. He did not want to stop, so he has moved out and filed for divorce. Before all that happened, I started in Al-Anon and therapy and everyday I am grateful that I took those steps before all of this happened. I felt completely overwhelmed, so I know how you feel. I think it's wonderful you've realized you need to do something for yourself. Take your time, be kind to and gentle with yourself. One day at a time.

Today I continue in Al-Anon and therapy. I come here to SR, I attend open AA meetings. I've read numerous books and attended classes and lectures. Sounds like a lot, but I have learned to fit everything in and still lead a great life. I seem to have more time for everything because my life does not revolve around my AH 24/7.

I wish you all the best in the coming days, weeks and months. The going gets rough, but I have found it so rewarding.

denny57

After reading my post, I realized I didn't address your question. I have met many men and women in Al-Anon who did find happiness living with an active A. In my case, it couldn't be because of my AH's unacceptable behaviors while drinking (lying, manipulation and infidelity).

Cat3

I guess you can if your ah is a sweet loving partner when he's drinking. If he isn't obnoxious and slobbering all over you and laughing at his unfunny jokes. If he doesn't talk your ear off or go through a meltdown if you say something that he finds offensive. If he allows you to go in the other room and read a book, sew, cook, go to luncheons and meetings without him. If you can have a unilateral life and be happy knowing he is just going to drink, watch TV, nap and not burn the house down.

If you don't mind not having company for fear of embarassment, or not mind keeping the windows closed in the summer for fear of the neighbors hearing his monologes. If you have pets, and you don't mind if he torments them, or if you have small children -- I shudder to think...

I guess then you can find happiness...

cupowater

WOOOW!!!!! Everything you just said, Cat, Happens in my house! Looks a lot worse when you read it! You forgot , though, the condensending remarks about how cold you are because you don't want to have sex with the slobbering sluring "A"!

Pick-a-name

I will respond more to this later, but I wanted to say "hello". My AH of 27yrs just divorced me over the drinking issue. With progression he has become more and more controlling, and his temper has also become a bigger and bigger issue. He moved out (his choice) when our children became teenagers. The kids refused to live with him anymore, and I agreed that without treatment first (for all of us) that it would be pointless at best. He didn't/doesn't want to give up drinking, so after several years in limbo, he made his "choice", I guess and he filed for divorce.

Lots of good advice and people who understand the craziness of living with an active alcoholic. Glad you are here. I look forward to getting to know you.

pmaslan

I couldn't.....can't even imagine why anyone would want to.