Caretaking
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Caretaking and rescuing behavior is pretty much the same. If you are doing for someone what they are (or should be) capable of doing for themselves, you are assuming the parenting role, or caretaker role. I found myself doing things like the lions share of:
kid taxi driver
homework helper/police
financial planner
cook
cleaner
shopper
family problem solver
excuse maker
bill payer
basic maid and laundry service...
stress du jor defuser
drama du jor defuser
etc.... (you should be getting the point by now)
From the sticky post:
There are many ways to enable an alcoholic
The Rescuer
The "rescuer" doesn't let the incident become a "problem." Since she has been waiting up for him anyway, she goes out in the yard, gets the alcoholic up, cleans him up, and puts him into bed. That way the neighbors never see him passed out in the flower bed!
She never mentions the incident to him or anybody else. If anyone else mentions it, she denies there is a problem. She lies for him, covers up for his mistakes, and protects him from the world.
As the problems increase and his drinking gets worse, she takes on responsibilites that were once his. She may get a job or work extra hours to pay the bills. And if he gets in trouble with the law, she will move heaven and earth to come up with his bail.
kid taxi driver
homework helper/police
financial planner
cook
cleaner
shopper
family problem solver
excuse maker
bill payer
basic maid and laundry service...
stress du jor defuser
drama du jor defuser
etc.... (you should be getting the point by now)
From the sticky post:
There are many ways to enable an alcoholic
The Rescuer
The "rescuer" doesn't let the incident become a "problem." Since she has been waiting up for him anyway, she goes out in the yard, gets the alcoholic up, cleans him up, and puts him into bed. That way the neighbors never see him passed out in the flower bed!
She never mentions the incident to him or anybody else. If anyone else mentions it, she denies there is a problem. She lies for him, covers up for his mistakes, and protects him from the world.
As the problems increase and his drinking gets worse, she takes on responsibilites that were once his. She may get a job or work extra hours to pay the bills. And if he gets in trouble with the law, she will move heaven and earth to come up with his bail.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: dennis, ms
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Jazzman
Caretaking and rescuing behavior is pretty much the same. If you are doing for someone what they are (or should be) capable of doing for themselves, you are assuming the parenting role, or caretaker role. I found myself doing things like the lions share of:
kid taxi driver
homework helper/police
financial planner
cook
cleaner
shopper
family problem solver
excuse maker
bill payer
basic maid and laundry service...
stress du jor defuser
drama du jor defuser
etc.... (you should be getting the point by now)
From the sticky post:
There are many ways to enable an alcoholic
The Rescuer
The "rescuer" doesn't let the incident become a "problem." Since she has been waiting up for him anyway, she goes out in the yard, gets the alcoholic up, cleans him up, and puts him into bed. That way the neighbors never see him passed out in the flower bed!
She never mentions the incident to him or anybody else. If anyone else mentions it, she denies there is a problem. She lies for him, covers up for his mistakes, and protects him from the world.
As the problems increase and his drinking gets worse, she takes on responsibilites that were once his. She may get a job or work extra hours to pay the bills. And if he gets in trouble with the law, she will move heaven and earth to come up with his bail.
kid taxi driver
homework helper/police
financial planner
cook
cleaner
shopper
family problem solver
excuse maker
bill payer
basic maid and laundry service...
stress du jor defuser
drama du jor defuser
etc.... (you should be getting the point by now)
From the sticky post:
There are many ways to enable an alcoholic
The Rescuer
The "rescuer" doesn't let the incident become a "problem." Since she has been waiting up for him anyway, she goes out in the yard, gets the alcoholic up, cleans him up, and puts him into bed. That way the neighbors never see him passed out in the flower bed!
She never mentions the incident to him or anybody else. If anyone else mentions it, she denies there is a problem. She lies for him, covers up for his mistakes, and protects him from the world.
As the problems increase and his drinking gets worse, she takes on responsibilites that were once his. She may get a job or work extra hours to pay the bills. And if he gets in trouble with the law, she will move heaven and earth to come up with his bail.
I did all of these things also. The scary thing is my ex's new wife to be is doing the same thing now and she isn't even married to him yet, So I know that my ex is still using even if it isn't drugs anymore it is everything else.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Oxfords Dictionary defines cartaker as:
(n) someone employed to look after house or building.
I think we could safely add another adult to that.
I dont know about anyone else, but nobody hired me for that job, nor did it pay well.
Brings new meaning to...Thats not my job.
(n) someone employed to look after house or building.
I think we could safely add another adult to that.
I dont know about anyone else, but nobody hired me for that job, nor did it pay well.
Brings new meaning to...Thats not my job.
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