Which meeting do I go to?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 4
Which meeting do I go to?
My husband's drug of choice was Meth. He hasn't done that in while, but began heavily drinking the past couple of months and also smoked weed. Now he has to do a DIVERT program to get out of his felony charge for posessing meth last year. This program requires him to attend AA or NA meetings and I want to go which one will benefit me the most. Do I go to al-anon or narc-anon? He was clean from everything for 30 days and relapsed with drinking last week, which he admitted and said he was moving on and apologized, but I just found beer in the garage that he bought and drank today.
I'm not sure what to do as i am 5 months pregnant with my first child, that I do not want to be raised in a house w/an alcoholic father. He says he wants to be clean and sober, but lying to me about relapsing is not helping. I'm so upset right now and I don't know how to react. He is supposedly with his 'sponsor' right now but I can't believe he would be trying to talk about the 12 steps with drinking 4 beers today. He can get busted in DIVERT they randomly test each week, but alcohol is the first one to leave his system so more than likely it won't show up in a UA. My main problem making a meeting is he has counseling 4 nights a week until 8pm and we have on car, so I am not able to meet at the times we have available. any help would be great. thanks
I'm not sure what to do as i am 5 months pregnant with my first child, that I do not want to be raised in a house w/an alcoholic father. He says he wants to be clean and sober, but lying to me about relapsing is not helping. I'm so upset right now and I don't know how to react. He is supposedly with his 'sponsor' right now but I can't believe he would be trying to talk about the 12 steps with drinking 4 beers today. He can get busted in DIVERT they randomly test each week, but alcohol is the first one to leave his system so more than likely it won't show up in a UA. My main problem making a meeting is he has counseling 4 nights a week until 8pm and we have on car, so I am not able to meet at the times we have available. any help would be great. thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome, Trin
I'm not sure, but from your post I'd suggest Al-Anon since you seem to refer to the alcohol. Others will be along with some insight. It's great you're going for yourself and I wish you luck.
I'm not sure, but from your post I'd suggest Al-Anon since you seem to refer to the alcohol. Others will be along with some insight. It's great you're going for yourself and I wish you luck.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Whatever one is convenient for YOU and feels right after you attend.
Both of the programs help us focus on OUR needs, so although it is convenient if the drug of choice is alcohol and we attend Alanon, it doesn't really matter. In my experience most (not all, but most) addicts are also addicted to alcohol... so they still qualify me to attend.
In my experience, there is more Long term recovery at Alanon, just because it has been around longer. There are also more Alanon meetings in my area so I can more easily find a meeting that fits MY needs.
I wish you the best (((Trin)))
Both of the programs help us focus on OUR needs, so although it is convenient if the drug of choice is alcohol and we attend Alanon, it doesn't really matter. In my experience most (not all, but most) addicts are also addicted to alcohol... so they still qualify me to attend.
In my experience, there is more Long term recovery at Alanon, just because it has been around longer. There are also more Alanon meetings in my area so I can more easily find a meeting that fits MY needs.
I wish you the best (((Trin)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 4
I found a meeting at 6:15 tonight near my work, so I will go tonight to Al-Anon and hope this will help me. My last marriage I was married to an alchoholic that completely denied it and still believes he has no problem. I don't believe I've ever let go of that or confronted it as a problem, just ignored it and believed myself that I was strong and can handle anything. Now being faced with my new husband being an addict, I sometimes question if I'm co-dependent or something? I mean I have my own separate life, a good job and tight family and friends so I don't think I am. Neither one of my parents were alcoholics so am I just a bad judge of character LOL?
Maybe I'm just naive. When I met my 1st husband he never drank because we were young, but once we were both old enough to start hitting the bars he definitely did, and couldn't control his drinking. Luckily we had no children together and after confronting him w/his drinking problem he laughed in my face. After him cheating on me, I really didn't have any choice but to leave.
I guess the upside is my current man knows he's an addict and wants help, even before he got in DIVERT or got arrested. I just pray that he will really focus on the future and try to live day by day and realize that me, our future child and his life ahead of him is more important than any drink or drug. But then again, I'm not an addict so it's easy for me to want him to think that way. It's a disease I know and I really do hope that I will not one day be a single mom because I won't put our child in a negative addictive environment.
I have trust issues w/my last husband because of the drinking and cheating, so when my current one drinks, all that comes back. I really do hope these meetings help me because I don't want to have those feelings anymore. I want to trust as much as I can and not be so quick to assume the worst. Ok I'm done rambling. Thanks for listening anyway. I'm sure i will be visiting here quite a bit. I just want to do as much as I can to support his recovery and let him know I'm proud of him for trying to leave this addiction behind, but also keeping my sanity and stress level as low as possible before i bring this baby into the world.
Maybe I'm just naive. When I met my 1st husband he never drank because we were young, but once we were both old enough to start hitting the bars he definitely did, and couldn't control his drinking. Luckily we had no children together and after confronting him w/his drinking problem he laughed in my face. After him cheating on me, I really didn't have any choice but to leave.
I guess the upside is my current man knows he's an addict and wants help, even before he got in DIVERT or got arrested. I just pray that he will really focus on the future and try to live day by day and realize that me, our future child and his life ahead of him is more important than any drink or drug. But then again, I'm not an addict so it's easy for me to want him to think that way. It's a disease I know and I really do hope that I will not one day be a single mom because I won't put our child in a negative addictive environment.
I have trust issues w/my last husband because of the drinking and cheating, so when my current one drinks, all that comes back. I really do hope these meetings help me because I don't want to have those feelings anymore. I want to trust as much as I can and not be so quick to assume the worst. Ok I'm done rambling. Thanks for listening anyway. I'm sure i will be visiting here quite a bit. I just want to do as much as I can to support his recovery and let him know I'm proud of him for trying to leave this addiction behind, but also keeping my sanity and stress level as low as possible before i bring this baby into the world.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
I hope the meeting goes well. I think it's great that you are recognizing you need some help in dealing with not only your current situation, but residual feelings from the first marriage. I try not to worry about labeling myself, that is a codie or whatever. Sometimes that can lead to us blaming ourselves. But it helps to explore why we make the choices we do. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.
I'll be thinking of ya!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: A state of insanity
Posts: 37
My AH has been an alcoholic for a long time. A year or so ago he switched to Meth. I think I would go to Nar-Anon, although I have been to Al Anon before I knew about the Meth, just because Meth is so addictive and he may go back. Ultimately, you should pick the meeting where you are most comfortable, I just find I relate better to people dealing with Meth addicts because for me it created so much more trauma.
Good luck. I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through this. I am just starting to pick up the peices in my life.
ETA - That was a dumb reason I pointed out that he may go back to Meth because an Addict can go back to anything. Meth just really did a number on our family.
Good luck. I am so sorry for anyone who has to go through this. I am just starting to pick up the peices in my life.
ETA - That was a dumb reason I pointed out that he may go back to Meth because an Addict can go back to anything. Meth just really did a number on our family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 4
Jane...
No I don't take offense I just really worry about him relapsing on drinking - which he already has because it's available ANYWHERE. He has already rid himself of the losers that do that stuff because of the few user friends I met of his..they were just DIRTY and just low, you know? And he's so not like that, but when he's using he sure can be. At least with Meth or Weed you have to know someone or know where to get it.
And I'm sure he still knows where he can go and get it, but he also knows how toxic that stuff is and he truly hates his addiction to meth, even though he liked it over all others.
But after being in family counseling with him for the past month, I also know if you use one drug, it's just a matter of time until you relapse on your DOC so that's why I'm afraid of him drinking because the last time he relapsed on meth he was drinking and smoking weed. So he KNOWS abstinence is the only way for him to have a true recovery, but I also know he wished he could just casually drink, which is just not true.
Ok enough about that. I went to the meeting and it was good. It talked about holding your pen and tongue and I shared a little even though I was nervous but everyone is really nice. It's close to my work and I do truly believe it can help me deal with my anxiety and past feelings when and if relapse should happen again. Something did click that another guy said last night - I'm responsible for me and what can do over here, not what someone else is doing over there. Acceptance is the key - I just have to retrain my mind to believe that!! **Just thought - hope I can share that thought LOL I know you're supposed to keep what's in there in there, but IMO can I repeat a positive thing from the meeting, just not talk about someone's specific life problems?
And I looked up nar-anon and there is only one in my area which is 20 min. away and not at convenient times at all. So I will stick with Al-Anon for now. I'm SO glad i read the what goes on thread so i wasn't in the dark!! I do like the format, I'm going back tonight! Thanks for ally our support, it's really appreciated!
And I'm sure he still knows where he can go and get it, but he also knows how toxic that stuff is and he truly hates his addiction to meth, even though he liked it over all others.
But after being in family counseling with him for the past month, I also know if you use one drug, it's just a matter of time until you relapse on your DOC so that's why I'm afraid of him drinking because the last time he relapsed on meth he was drinking and smoking weed. So he KNOWS abstinence is the only way for him to have a true recovery, but I also know he wished he could just casually drink, which is just not true.
Ok enough about that. I went to the meeting and it was good. It talked about holding your pen and tongue and I shared a little even though I was nervous but everyone is really nice. It's close to my work and I do truly believe it can help me deal with my anxiety and past feelings when and if relapse should happen again. Something did click that another guy said last night - I'm responsible for me and what can do over here, not what someone else is doing over there. Acceptance is the key - I just have to retrain my mind to believe that!! **Just thought - hope I can share that thought LOL I know you're supposed to keep what's in there in there, but IMO can I repeat a positive thing from the meeting, just not talk about someone's specific life problems?
And I looked up nar-anon and there is only one in my area which is 20 min. away and not at convenient times at all. So I will stick with Al-Anon for now. I'm SO glad i read the what goes on thread so i wasn't in the dark!! I do like the format, I'm going back tonight! Thanks for ally our support, it's really appreciated!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Trin_76
**Just thought - hope I can share that thought LOL I know you're supposed to keep what's in there in there, but IMO can I repeat a positive thing from the meeting, just not talk about someone's specific life problems?
Anonymity is important; but sharing what you've learned in a meeting is great. So my feeling is yes, you can talk about anything as long as you don't break someone's anonymity. Glad you enjoyed the meeting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Congrads ..... a great step and Im so happy you felt comfortable. I agree its not the subject but the person who you do not break anonymity....
Many times I have talked about the subject ourside of the meeting... I just dont talk about the people....
Many times I have talked about the subject ourside of the meeting... I just dont talk about the people....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 4
Missing Link
Well I think going to Al-Anon will just help me with more than dealing w/my hubs and past relationship, it just seems like a great plan to just be a better person too - my counselor encouraged me to go, and i'm glad i did!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Trin_76
it just seems like a great plan to just be a better person too - my counselor encouraged me to go, and i'm glad i did!
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