confusednlonely

Aparently. my A's phone doesnt seem to work on the weekends or when he has $$$ in is account to spend at the bar. Isnt that amazing!?!

I told him him I was going to check into that in the morning and if they cant fix the problem, theres no sense in me paying for his phone. I have the same service and my phone seems to work just great!

My A is sleeping in his car tonight. He choose that to be his home for the past few days so what is wrong with it tonight? I AM STILL SOOOO MAD!!!
I know I sure as hell dont want him around me.

I worried and cried so much while he was gone. Now that he is ok...I could just kill him. (Just a figure of speech. I wouldnt actually do that!)

Morning Glory

Try to calm yourself down. Take a hot bath and get some rest now. It's only natural to feel angry when you've been through so much pain for the past couple of days. There are a lot of things you'll be able to learn that will help you through all of this. There are a lot of people here who already care about you a lot.

He might not change right now, but you can make changes that will make your life better.

Hugs

mallowcup

That kind of worrrying takes years off your life. I know ultimately we are supposed to click the worry switch off but I sure don't know how to do that. At this point, I'd end it. "This hasn't worked out. I'm sorry but it's over". You do have the ability to end it on your terms, sober, in the light of day. I think learning to live around the drinking is one thing, learning to live with someone in recovery is another. Learning to live numb isn't living at all.

mallowcup

That was a weekend of your life. If one can't call they could always come home, I swear these people just look and look for someone who will finally just let them strool in and out. They take what they need and they leave the rest. So many of my husbands friends change women like they change their underwear, whoever, whatever. I used to wish for something horrible would happen to one of my husbands relatives and he'd come home eventually to find them dead and burried a few days ago. Instead, I mourned my fathers death alone.

IrshIzNotSmilin

Confused you made me smile too but he has a significant problem and you need to understand that he has a problem not that you shouldn't be mad but maybe it is best now to separate yourself from him and he needs to understand that he cannot juggle a persons emotions as he has juggled yours the past few days. I think you said his mom and dad went away. If they have no problems being away while he is missing then you know what they have realized that he is not able to be helped and live their lives. I think a great lesson for me is to know to care for myself and live my own life. I find that very hard but I am thinking that that is the only way. Wishing you peace.

mallowcup

It is so hard for me to understand causing someone that kind of worry and ever getting away with such a weak excuse for doing it. After over 48 hours of sobbing and gut wrenching worry, his phone didn't work? Let's imagine trying to sell that one.

megamysterioso

((((confused)))) I am happy that he is AT LEAST alive. Now that you know that he is capable of (still) doing this to you (even after rehab), do you really owe it to him to give him another go? Don't you feel that you owe you and your son so much more? I know it is much easier said than done, but I would not give him another shot at this. He should seek recovery all on his own and he will if he is serious. This burden should no longer be yours IMO. I wish you all the best.

Ayers1995

Confused...

I am glad that A is ok... I am sorry that you have had to deal with all of this. I keep you in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Ayers

confusednlonely

I have made the decision to let him go. It will be very hard to do. I feel as if I am turning my back on my best friend who needs help. However, he didnt care or worry about me while he was gone and I just have to remember that. During his rehab he said he learned how he hurt everyone with his drinking, and said he was sorry for all of things that he did. Well, if he is so sorry and felt so much guilt, why would he do it again? This is just a viscious cycle that will not end, and I have finally come to realize that. It is time for to take care of me and my son. He is an adult and he will just have learn to face the consequences of his own actions now. It hurts like hell and I am sure I will cry a lot more, but with Al Anon, one on one counseling and you guys I can make it through this.

denny57

It does hurt like hell, yep you will cry a lot more, and you will make it through this. Don't be afraid to ask for help, take it when it's offered and remember he is an adult who needs to stand on his own two feet. As his best friend, you are doing him a favor; hard to believe I know.

confusednlonely

My A's phone must be working again. (rolling eyes) He called me about an hour ago pleading with me to help him, he doesnt want to drink. I didnt answer the phone, I just let him leave a message. My minds intrepretation of what he said was "BLAH BLAH BLAH"

This is the hard part for me though and always the time when I give into him out of the fear of thinking if I dont he will die. This is by far one of the hardest things I have ever been through. Now I know why they call it tough love. Its tough for a million reasons.

He has the numbers for sponsor to call though right? Not to mention I am sure they gave him phone numbers when he got of rehab. They had to have told him what to do in this situation.

I just have to keep telling myself the 3 C's. Especially I cant Cure it.

alhusband

Confused,
Hug your children and think about what is best for you and them. My husband just had a relapse and was terminated from his job basically, I think, because I told his boss that ah was an alcoholic. They decided that they just couldn't worry about him not pulling his weight. I feel that maybe this will be for the best so he can concentrate on himself and not drinking. I will not offer any more opinions, suggestions, or ultimatiums. I will do what I need to do for me and my daughter. He needs to figure out the rest.

Good Luck

meli2005

I'm sorry he did this. It's hard to not know what is going on w/a loved one. Let us know what happens.

confusednlonely

A just called again. "Please help me Baby I dont want to drink" I told him to go to the detox center (which is conveniently right up the road). I also tol dhim there was nothing I can do for him. He needs to do it himself and then I said I was meeting with some clients and had to go.

That was a really hard conversation, but I think I did the right thing. No...I KNOW I did the right thing!

LaTeeDa

That had to be a really tough thing to to. I just wanted you to know that I agree you did the right thing. You are not qualified to help him. And he's trying to put the responsibility on you so he won't have to face it. It's very hard sometimes to do the right thing, but try to remember you ARE helping him by getting out of the way of him hitting bottom.

(((Confused)))

L

confusednlonely

I thought a few times before he hit bottom and would quit. I am not sure anymor eif he even has a bottom.

1..he lost his job at the post office as a letter carrier
2..wrecked his brand new truck and almost died
3..broke his back while having a seizure from withdrawls and was never supposed to be able to walk again (but he is and did GREAT with that!)
4..lost all of his friends, including his best friend of 20 years
5..is homeless now that I wont take him back
6..Other brand new truck was repossessed (the one he got after he wrecked)
7..Divorced from his 1st marriage because of drinking
8..filled bankruptcy and lost all of his belongings
9..family wont talk to him

i would have quit after the first thing happened

LaTeeDa

We have no way of knowing where the bottom is for them. They have to find it themselves. All we can do is get out of the way.......

L