Another baby step in the right direction
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Posts: 6,278
Another baby step in the right direction
This may not seem like a big deal to most, but to me it is really big. Short background—aside from the drinking, one of the biggest problems AH and I have had in the past is his resistance to contributing what I consider to be “his share” to our family. It’s not that I’m hung up on money. I think partners can contribute to marriage and family in many ways. If one parent is the primary care for the children while the other works, that is contributing their share, in my mind.
Well, for the past 5 or so years, my AH would do neither. He didn’t want to be “Mr. Mom” so he opted to have his own business and contribute in that way. Problem (for me) was, he never really took it seriously and it wasn’t profitable. So, he wasn’t contributing much financially, but was using work as an excuse to not contribute in other ways. Result: I was the primary breadwinner, also primary caregiver to our children, housekeeper, financial planner, etc. I know, I know, my fault for taking on all the responsibility and leaving none for him.
Anyway, he told me today that he realized he’s not a very good businessman, and has secured a job. That’s right, he’s actually working for someone and on their payroll. Now, I realize this has a lot to do with necessity since he is no longer living here and must provide for himself. I also know that it must have been a big “swallowing of pride” on his part for this to happen.
Maybe he’s actually starting to grow up. I can only hope, and wait and see…….
For today, I am happy that he took this step.
L
Well, for the past 5 or so years, my AH would do neither. He didn’t want to be “Mr. Mom” so he opted to have his own business and contribute in that way. Problem (for me) was, he never really took it seriously and it wasn’t profitable. So, he wasn’t contributing much financially, but was using work as an excuse to not contribute in other ways. Result: I was the primary breadwinner, also primary caregiver to our children, housekeeper, financial planner, etc. I know, I know, my fault for taking on all the responsibility and leaving none for him.
Anyway, he told me today that he realized he’s not a very good businessman, and has secured a job. That’s right, he’s actually working for someone and on their payroll. Now, I realize this has a lot to do with necessity since he is no longer living here and must provide for himself. I also know that it must have been a big “swallowing of pride” on his part for this to happen.
Maybe he’s actually starting to grow up. I can only hope, and wait and see…….
For today, I am happy that he took this step.
L
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
I've got a good story for you... My AH and I have been married for two years and the whole time we were together, he kept a job, but his child support payments were so high (because before I met him, he never paid it and they started deducting it from his paycheck) that he would only bring home approximately $200.00 a week. It was very difficult trying to run the household on that amount of money, so I had to go out and get a second job to help pay the bills. If he had money in his wallet, it was gone the next day, I'm not sure what he spent his money on. Now that we are separated and he's in recovery and AA, he's working with FEMA (down here in Louisiana) making about $2000 a week and is he sending me any of that money, no he's not. Actually he hasn't had a drink in four months and he just received his four month chip. He leaves his AA meetings and he and the guys go to the casino almost every night now. Sounds like he's replacing one addiction with another. I'm just glad he's not sucking the $$$ out of me anymore and now I only have to work the one job. Things are better.
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