How to put the crystal ball down....
 

This ain't gonna come with any garauntees but it has helped me. It's easier said than done to let go of the future, to still have plans and direction in life but for them not to be based on crystal ball predictions. It's not easy to see events around me without thinking what they mean for the future, without telling myself off for thinking what they might mean for the future, without knowing I do that anyway!

But you know what? No matter how much we think we know, no matter what weight of evidence we have, whatever time we carefully give to figuring it out, whatever success we've had or not had in the past, NO MATTER WHAT we cannot tell the future. Why?

Because a new job can come out the blue and change everything, because someone you thought was dead for a decade can stand in front of you ready for a hug, because people get caught up in accidents and illnesses no-one foresaw, because people win money, because old friends half forgotten about can get in touch, because loved ones will die and often when we don't expect it, because we can prepare wrongly 20 times over thinking someone will die, because we can bump into a stranger who will end up giving us a new wisdom to live by, because we learn and change, because sometimes it snows in summer, because of all of that!!

The word 'alcoholism' can't bypass any of the above, however well thought out our predictions, however well based on recovery or progression - the word 'alcohol' or 'addiction' has absolutely no power to bypass the future being unknown.

Because a giant wave can kill hundreds of thousands of people, because millions more step in to help rebuild - life will stay being as it is, something to be valued in each moment.

Don't put plans on hold thinking first the future must be certain. Don't put living on hold and waste time trying to get that damn crystal ball to work.

It's got nothing to do with alcoholism, with or without it unexpected things happen.

Thanks I needed that.

Good post Equus and very true. I'm always trying to predict the possible outcome of things without intentionally knowing that I'm doing it. It is something I've always done- very engrained in my subconscious. I catch myself a lot and have to remind myself of everything you said up there. ANYTHING can happen at ANYTIME and we are truly powerless to it. Thanks for the reminder.

I don't think there's any harm in predicting a possible outcome - I think the harm comes when we then say it's probable and go onto convince ourselves it's certain!

We aren't powerless over our own plans and actions but we can't see the future with accuracy - not enough to make it worth putting my life on hold waiting for a vision of it!!

Equus,

very very true.. something I try and work on each day..

just living in the moment..

I really struggle with this.
I want things to go as planned.
I want my life to have order.
I am the person who does my budget 12 months in advance, balances my checkbook every day, plans meals a month at a time, and oh, I am a LIST QUEEN.

I suspect these behaviors are mostly attributable to my controlling nature. I have always liked control. Not just over others, but over my life and my things.
Is this really a bad thing for a person to be in control of their own life and to crave order?

I dont see how its harmful if I am not controling anyone else?

Elizabeth, I can relate to the control and the list thing. I am the same way. I think it becomes harmful only if it hurts you. If you get overly upset when something unexpected happens, or feel victimized when a wrench gets thrown into your plans. Nothing wrong with planning, as long as we can also "roll with the punches" that life throws us.

Or maybe I'm just justifying my own controlling nature by identifying with you............

L

Elizabeth,

I think what I identify with in your post is perfectionism...I used to be much more of a perfectionist but for me,I wasn't very happy to live that way..

My standards are always WAY higher then anyone elses...Sometimes I dont' even live up to my own standards and then berate myself for that..

oh the never ending circle..

it's easier today for me to just focus on the present..doesn't mean I can't plan for my future, it just means I can't control the outcome..

Well, you are both right. After re reading my post, I realized I have become my mother.
Thats an entirely different thread!

I think the very nature of a relationship with a someone in active addiction opens doors for the desire for perfectionism and control. I think maybe I mistook the threads intention. Leave it to me to digress!

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II December 15

For some time Step Three eluded me. How could I turn my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power? I earnestly tried, but I always took everything right back into my own hands. It felt so scary to think that I was not in control. I found it hard to trust that my Higher Power would be there for me if I let go completely. Again and again, I wondered what absolute surrender would feel like, and how I would know if I was doing it? A recent speaker at an Al-Anon meeting put it into terms that I could understand. He said that turning our will over is like dancing with a partner. If both try to lead, there is much confusion and little forward movement. As one who has taught many couples how to dance, I know the awkwardness and bucking that result when both partners compete for control. But when the partner who is following can relax and let the other partner do the steering, the couple flows easily across the dance floor.

Today’s Reminder

If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step. Then I can ask the God of my understanding to help me be a more willing partner.

“There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way we would like, but the program has shown me God’s will is the only way; it is up to me to work with Him and turn my life and will over to His care and guidance.”


…In All Our Affairs

Don't put plans on hold thinking first the future must be certain. Don't put living on hold and waste time trying to get that damn crystal ball to work.

It's got nothing to do with alcoholism, with or without it unexpected things happen.
__________________
My sentiments exactly!! ((((((((((Equus))))))))))))

Yup! That's what I meant. I'm not anti planning or putting order to life. I'm anti thinking to do that needs us to know the future.

I'm planning, I'm thinking about the future just not thinking I can know fully what it is. What I realised was that is the case with or without alcoholism. It's no special fete needed in response to a particular circumstance, it's just the nature of life...