Insatiable Nature of the Addict
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Insatiable Nature of the Addict
Over this oddly reflective weekend, I've found that one of things that disturbs me the most about my AH is how "enough is never enough." This weekend was a four day weekend for AH and we went out of town. It was his time for a binge- a "vacation." I just kind of watched everything and really noticed (duh) how addicted and far gone he really is. It doesn't matter that he "paces himself" during the week.
He is the type of dude that will be on 2 Xanax, smoke some pot, be drunk off of 12 beers, have 10 beers left in the fridge and say, "we've got to go get MORE BEER" as if it were a matter of life or death
I am really convinced that if I had no objection to "harder" drugs that he would say, "let's go get some cocaine" (even though he OD on this before we met). He can be staggering into walls and STILL want to get more beer or whatever!
Maybe I've really had some serious blinders on or simply chose to ignore the severity of the problem to make it easier to swallow, but for some reason, this behavior really jumped out at me this weekend.
He is the type of dude that will be on 2 Xanax, smoke some pot, be drunk off of 12 beers, have 10 beers left in the fridge and say, "we've got to go get MORE BEER" as if it were a matter of life or death
I am really convinced that if I had no objection to "harder" drugs that he would say, "let's go get some cocaine" (even though he OD on this before we met). He can be staggering into walls and STILL want to get more beer or whatever! Maybe I've really had some serious blinders on or simply chose to ignore the severity of the problem to make it easier to swallow, but for some reason, this behavior really jumped out at me this weekend.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Mine's the same way. He's not into drugs at all, but I know there was *never* enough beer or liquor in the house. And it's not just that, but other things as well. Like if we went on a camping trip, he would fish for hours just to make sure he was the one who caught the most fish. He always had to have the most everything, including alcohol. My son (8 at the time) once asked me "Why does dad always have to prove himself?" I don't know to this day. I do know that sometimes kids see things more clearly than we do.
L
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Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
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Exactly Cynay. It's the underlying fear of running out and starting to come down. In the latter stages of my disease, even before I ended up living on the streets, I had to have "enough" back up. I would be getting totally blitzed still have a couple of bottles of JD in the cupboard and be figuring out which liquor store I hadn't been to in a couple of weeks so I could buy 3 or 4 more bottles.
It is the feeling of constantly having to feed that "monkey" in this case King Alcohol.
It is part of the progression of the disease of alcoholism.
I have been sober a very long time now, but I WILL NEVER FORGET the HELL I lived in all those years.
Oh and by the way I have seen "true" Chocoholics do the same thing. They can have chocolate stashed all over the house and still have to go buy MORE. It is the NEED to keep that CRAVING satisfied. And when it was happening I did not understand it. It is only years later with hindsight that I can see what it did to me and still remember the feeling of MORE have to have MORE.
Hope that helps a little.
Love and hugs,
It is the feeling of constantly having to feed that "monkey" in this case King Alcohol.
It is part of the progression of the disease of alcoholism.
I have been sober a very long time now, but I WILL NEVER FORGET the HELL I lived in all those years.
Oh and by the way I have seen "true" Chocoholics do the same thing. They can have chocolate stashed all over the house and still have to go buy MORE. It is the NEED to keep that CRAVING satisfied. And when it was happening I did not understand it. It is only years later with hindsight that I can see what it did to me and still remember the feeling of MORE have to have MORE.
Hope that helps a little.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: ohio
Posts: 22
My AGF and me summer camping,she loves the campgrounds,its non stop drinking,shes is so proud of her Jello shots,and hey "don't use all that ice up to keep food cold,we need that for our mixed drinks",of course there was always double amount of liquer and alcohol than ever was need.God forbid we run out during our party times,which was all the time.And she couldn't never figure out why I never wanted to hang out with her and the other A's.Darn and bad Me not wanting to be the sober driver anymore.
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Thank you to all who posted. Laurie and Undrunken-- I admire you both for breaking those chains that bind! You are to be commended. And yes Undrunken- being the sober one around the As gets really really tiresome.
Yep LaTeeDa- your 8 year old really nailed that on the head! It is amazing how children see the absolute truth of things. My AH is the same way- very competitive sprit (in the worst way). He always has to "one up" everyone in everything.
I have heard this before, but something about this weekend really spoke loud and clear to me on this subject!
Ayers-- I know you know about this all too well
. I hope things are OK with you. I thought about you this weekend.
My son (8 at the time) once asked me "Why does dad always have to prove himself?"
One is too many 100 is not enough? Something like that anyway.
Ayers-- I know you know about this all too well
. I hope things are OK with you. I thought about you this weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
mega, my ah is the same way.
I gotta tell you something funny/mildly embarrassing. I remember a time where I thought AH was so charming/funny/life of the party. I was so proud to be with him. Everyone seemed excited to have him around, happy, etc. Now, it's such an embarrassment. I have had moments you describe where I'd sort of be watching inside and cringing. I realized everyone wasn't happy to have him around, at least they were until a certain point. I now see how frustrated people get (unless they're drunk also but even then at times). I see how he thinks it's "so cool" to have all the stories told about him. It would be different if they were sharing old college stories but they are PRESENT stories as well. It's embarrassing. Sure, people laugh but he thinks they are laughing in a "wow, you're so crazy man" way when it's a "are you an idiot or what?" type of thing. He seems to think he has a good reputation, what is he talking about? His crazy behavior follows him.
After his car wreck, a distant friend called to check on him. I heard AH telling him , "NO, I wasn't drinking, I was tired." When he got off the phone I asked what that was about, he said the guy asked if alcohol was involved and that's what he told him. I asked, "you think he believes you?" he said, "yes." Give me a break, anyone who knows him, KNOWS he was drinking. But he actually thinks they believe him. You know, because nobody talks about him behind his back, right?
I gotta tell you something funny/mildly embarrassing. I remember a time where I thought AH was so charming/funny/life of the party. I was so proud to be with him. Everyone seemed excited to have him around, happy, etc. Now, it's such an embarrassment. I have had moments you describe where I'd sort of be watching inside and cringing. I realized everyone wasn't happy to have him around, at least they were until a certain point. I now see how frustrated people get (unless they're drunk also but even then at times). I see how he thinks it's "so cool" to have all the stories told about him. It would be different if they were sharing old college stories but they are PRESENT stories as well. It's embarrassing. Sure, people laugh but he thinks they are laughing in a "wow, you're so crazy man" way when it's a "are you an idiot or what?" type of thing. He seems to think he has a good reputation, what is he talking about? His crazy behavior follows him.
After his car wreck, a distant friend called to check on him. I heard AH telling him , "NO, I wasn't drinking, I was tired." When he got off the phone I asked what that was about, he said the guy asked if alcohol was involved and that's what he told him. I asked, "you think he believes you?" he said, "yes." Give me a break, anyone who knows him, KNOWS he was drinking. But he actually thinks they believe him. You know, because nobody talks about him behind his back, right?
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
LOL Sunshine! I'm not making light of it, but I so relate to that one. Yeah- my AH thinks everyone has the ultimate respect for him and that if they don't then, "screw them, they're idiots anyway." He thinks he's "Mr. Cool" with all the answers and the funniest stories to tell. My embarrassing one...
AH makes a tin foil "hat" and runs around a parking lot in front of people (his acquaintances and friends) during a thunderstorm. I was NOT there- thank God. AH actually says, "some people did NOT comprehend how funny that actually was, there sure are some dense morons in the world!" I was thinking, "no, maybe they were thinking YOU were the 'dense moron'!"
AH makes a tin foil "hat" and runs around a parking lot in front of people (his acquaintances and friends) during a thunderstorm. I was NOT there- thank God. AH actually says, "some people did NOT comprehend how funny that actually was, there sure are some dense morons in the world!" I was thinking, "no, maybe they were thinking YOU were the 'dense moron'!"
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
yes that insatiable desire is a definite sign of the addiction. If he would recover, that would go away or decrease greatly. nothing makes them that happy. Always looking for a "new high". Sad.... Very sad....
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