Update from me ...
Getting busy living!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Worcester MA
Posts: 199
Update from me ...
Hi everyone! As some of you may know my husband has been in jail for probation violation on a dui conviction since January 5th. As of today he's been in for 67 days and that's the longest he's been not drinking since I've known him.
He did have an interview last week and he's been accepted to a program thourgh the sherriff's office. He'll attend it 5 days a week and as part of it he'll have to give a urine sample 7-days a week. (I'm sure liking that part!). If he should ever test positive then he's right back to the slammer.
He thought he'd be getting out on Friday but before they can release him someone has to speak with me and get confirmation that I'll be his "sponsor". What that means is since he'll be under house arrest (wearing a bracelet) they need my confirmation that I'm agreeing to letting him be "under arrest" within my home. Now I'm not that hard of a person to get ahold of. I was at work Thursday until 5 and then got home about 5:40. Well they tried calling me at home and they missed me both times as I wasn't here. No one ever called me by Friday noon and Friday afternoon, when my H called me he asked if I had written down the number from the caller ID and did I try to call them? (Judy will be proud of me on this one.) I told him it wasn't up to me to chase them down. He then said "Fine" and hung up on me. He's darn lucky they didn't call me after that because if they had I was so angry I do think I would have said no.
Anyway, I haven't heard from him since and I'm sure it's because he's so "depressed and upset" that he's still in jail when he thought he'd be out. Oh Boo Hoo!
And for those of you who have a husband in jail or who have a husband who might get sent to jail if they are caught drinking, I want to say this. His being in jail has been wonderful for ME!!! I didn't realize how much the stress of waiting for him to get caught drinking was ruining my health. My therapist told me that stress can show itself as physical pain in your body. I was having stomach problems, no matter what I ate my stomach hurt. Getting a good night's sleep was a joke, and I had a constant pain in my left hip. I even had my doctor check if I was developing arthritis in it. Well since my H has been in jail all those issues are gone!
The courts have a control over his drinking that I could never, ever have. It is now illegal for him to drink and if he does he goes back to jail. But I did write to him and clearly expressed where my boundaries where when he comes home. No drinking, and if he does and I have clear proof he is (as in finding a bottle) I told him I'd call his PO. No more of me underwriting his financial needs and I expect him to pay me back all that he owes me. And he must keep up with his mental health care. See his doctors and take his meds. I have made up my mind that if he goes back to jail again I'm done with him and he knows this.
Oh and one more thing. I've taken enough time off from work in regards to him so I told him, when they do let him out, not to call me for a ride if I'm at work. He can take a taxi and I'll see him when he gets home. It's not being mean to him, it's being good to myself.
And it's about time!!!!!
He did have an interview last week and he's been accepted to a program thourgh the sherriff's office. He'll attend it 5 days a week and as part of it he'll have to give a urine sample 7-days a week. (I'm sure liking that part!). If he should ever test positive then he's right back to the slammer.
He thought he'd be getting out on Friday but before they can release him someone has to speak with me and get confirmation that I'll be his "sponsor". What that means is since he'll be under house arrest (wearing a bracelet) they need my confirmation that I'm agreeing to letting him be "under arrest" within my home. Now I'm not that hard of a person to get ahold of. I was at work Thursday until 5 and then got home about 5:40. Well they tried calling me at home and they missed me both times as I wasn't here. No one ever called me by Friday noon and Friday afternoon, when my H called me he asked if I had written down the number from the caller ID and did I try to call them? (Judy will be proud of me on this one.) I told him it wasn't up to me to chase them down. He then said "Fine" and hung up on me. He's darn lucky they didn't call me after that because if they had I was so angry I do think I would have said no.
Anyway, I haven't heard from him since and I'm sure it's because he's so "depressed and upset" that he's still in jail when he thought he'd be out. Oh Boo Hoo!
And for those of you who have a husband in jail or who have a husband who might get sent to jail if they are caught drinking, I want to say this. His being in jail has been wonderful for ME!!! I didn't realize how much the stress of waiting for him to get caught drinking was ruining my health. My therapist told me that stress can show itself as physical pain in your body. I was having stomach problems, no matter what I ate my stomach hurt. Getting a good night's sleep was a joke, and I had a constant pain in my left hip. I even had my doctor check if I was developing arthritis in it. Well since my H has been in jail all those issues are gone!
The courts have a control over his drinking that I could never, ever have. It is now illegal for him to drink and if he does he goes back to jail. But I did write to him and clearly expressed where my boundaries where when he comes home. No drinking, and if he does and I have clear proof he is (as in finding a bottle) I told him I'd call his PO. No more of me underwriting his financial needs and I expect him to pay me back all that he owes me. And he must keep up with his mental health care. See his doctors and take his meds. I have made up my mind that if he goes back to jail again I'm done with him and he knows this.
Oh and one more thing. I've taken enough time off from work in regards to him so I told him, when they do let him out, not to call me for a ride if I'm at work. He can take a taxi and I'll see him when he gets home. It's not being mean to him, it's being good to myself.
And it's about time!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: wayne, Michigan
Posts: 21
That's good for you. My husband is in jail now and I agree with you about the stress. I don't have to worry about what I will find when I come home and whether we will get in a fight or not. But for us, I told him my boundaries (no drinking, get a job, and find a place to live for a month) and he told me pretty much F%*k me. So maybe my life will continue to be less stressful. Of course it hurts.
But I wish you the best of luck and stick with your boundaries when he comes out, when will his probation end? Do you think he will stay sober afterwards?
But I wish you the best of luck and stick with your boundaries when he comes out, when will his probation end? Do you think he will stay sober afterwards?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
TomsGirl
That is just so great that things are so good for YOU. If it works out to be great for him and his recovery, too, then that's the icing. I'm glad your time alone has given you such clarity regarding boundaries, etc. Good luck with everything.
That is just so great that things are so good for YOU. If it works out to be great for him and his recovery, too, then that's the icing. I'm glad your time alone has given you such clarity regarding boundaries, etc. Good luck with everything.
Getting busy living!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Worcester MA
Posts: 199
But for us, I told him my boundaries (no drinking, get a job, and find a place to live for a month) and he told me pretty much F%*k me.
Geez, I'm sorry that was his response. If my H gave me a response like that I'd have to say "Well Sweetie, it's more like you just F'd yourself because I have a place to live and now you don't." He's on probation for two years but his parole date, when he can get off of house arrest, is April 18th.
Yes Judy, I agree my new attitude and convictions are good for me and they'll be good for him if he can see it that way. But since he's been in jail we have had a few periods of "silence" between us because he's expected me to do such and such and I've come back with the "it's not up to me to do that" response. I've told him he's coming home to a different woman and she's gotten used to living without a drunk in the house and she really likes it! Cops took my first husband out of here ... sure made getting him out of this house easy. If they end up having to do the job for me again with this H, so be it. I've lived in the shadow of an alcoholic most of my adult life. It's caused me pain, cost me many sleepless nights, affected my health, cost me loads of money, and made me ask God so many times when it's all going to end. He's been telling me right along when it would end and I finally have listened. It stops when I stop it. I love my H dearly, but I hate the active alcoholic more. We, as in us who live with A's, have a choice just like they do. We are in no way condemmend to live our lives this way. We are not prisoners unless we make ourselves so. Always remember that! Take care all! (((hugs)))
Geez, I'm sorry that was his response. If my H gave me a response like that I'd have to say "Well Sweetie, it's more like you just F'd yourself because I have a place to live and now you don't." He's on probation for two years but his parole date, when he can get off of house arrest, is April 18th.
Yes Judy, I agree my new attitude and convictions are good for me and they'll be good for him if he can see it that way. But since he's been in jail we have had a few periods of "silence" between us because he's expected me to do such and such and I've come back with the "it's not up to me to do that" response. I've told him he's coming home to a different woman and she's gotten used to living without a drunk in the house and she really likes it! Cops took my first husband out of here ... sure made getting him out of this house easy. If they end up having to do the job for me again with this H, so be it. I've lived in the shadow of an alcoholic most of my adult life. It's caused me pain, cost me many sleepless nights, affected my health, cost me loads of money, and made me ask God so many times when it's all going to end. He's been telling me right along when it would end and I finally have listened. It stops when I stop it. I love my H dearly, but I hate the active alcoholic more. We, as in us who live with A's, have a choice just like they do. We are in no way condemmend to live our lives this way. We are not prisoners unless we make ourselves so. Always remember that! Take care all! (((hugs)))
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