IrshIzNotSmilin

Hey everyone... this may not be an appropriate posting but I need to ask the advice of anyone who wishes to share their opinions or thoughts on an issue that is bothering me and is a problem sometimes for AH. When I was divorced I have made a deal (verbal) with my ex-husband that he could live in my house and pay me rent ( I have a house out of state) so he does. My divorce was very 'friendly' for lack of a better word .. amicable. I think that my ex is a good man as I have posted before and I really feel that him living there is a help and not a problem. It is a problem though for AH. I do not go there. I do not interfere with my ex. There is no contact. Yet, AH feels that it is a problem having my ex live and pay me rent in my house in another state. This is far away from us. I have had many a bad 'discussion' with AH especially when he is drinking. When he is drinking he brings it up and it usually turns ugly. Honestly, a couple of reasons one is financial. I really get a benefit with my ex living there and it helps me out. The house is really old it was meant as a fixer upper vacation in the future retirement house but we divorced. Soooo ex lives and works in that state now and lives in the house. He takes care of it. It is old. It needs $20,000 dollars worth of work (no exaggeration) if ex moves I need to get that money to fix it up. I do not want AH to get any rights on it. I fear if he puts money into it ( and he can) he will 'own' it and I will be obligated and with situations with AH I do not feel comfortable. This is causing me alot of anxiety the house is in my name and I do not want to lose it. It is all I have truly. Well, about 4 weeks ago AH and I had another 'discussion" and I felt pressure so wrote a letter to ex and told him in June he needs to move and I felt horrible for myself and ex. He has really helped me out there. Roof needed fixing he fixed it, furnace problems he has kept it working through a harsh winter. Cleaning it. etc. He also picks up some of the utilities. He pays a lower rent than the mortgage but it helps out. If ex moves I can't come up with $ and AH can and he won't discuss it now. Today I told him I have alot of anxiety and we are going to HAVE to talk about this it is really bothering me and I am worried for 2 reasons. Financial is #1, and #2 is I do not want AH to have any ownership over my property. I live in AH's house and I have no rights to that he already has a will that has his daughter as an executrix or whatever and it all goes through her he has 4 kids. Where do I fit in??? I do not know. He tells me when I ask in the future I will arrange for all of this . He did do life insurance for me (sizeable) but still my life insurance is in his name too. But no property so if no property then why bother me with this when I can't financially handle this right now. He wants him out in June. Anybody???

denny57

It's your house, right? In your name only?

IrshIzNotSmilin

Yes Denny my house in my name only.

megamysterioso

Irsh, I would not want your ex to leave in June either. It sounds as even though ex is paying less per month in rent than your mortgage, that he is more than making up for it by fixing up the place on his own dollar. Considering that your AH's will is written in the way that it is, if you stay with him, I'm not confidant that you will be well provided for after his death.

That house is YOUR house. You need to keep it that way. You do not want your AH to begin investing his own money into this property and thus having some claim to it in the event of a divorce. It is your house and you are entitled to rent it out to whomever you choose. I think it's a mistake to evict ex in June. That's just me...

DesertEyes

Hey Irish, sorry to hear about all the troubles your having.

Can I ask if the issue really is about the rent of _your_ house, or is the real issue that your AH is acting in the typically unreasonable manner of a person under the influence. I don't think any kind of reasonable discussion can be had with a person who is actively in their disease. Having tried to manage financial affairs with my addict wife I found that to be a waste of time.

Perhaps if you focus on the issue of AH's drinking first, and find some resolution to that, you may later deal with the issue of your rental property.

Mike :-)

Jazzman

I second Mega in a big huge way. If your H has a problem w/ your exH renting it, tell him to get over it! A renter that takes care of the house you rent is IMPOSSIBLE to find! I would NEVER let yr H put any money into YOUR house. It seems clear to me that his will speaks volumes about his interests and his heirs. You are on your own and you should make financial decisions based on that fact.

denny57

Knowing what I know now, I'd keep things the way they are. And I would also check with a lawyer if your AH has any claim to that property if you pre-decease him. If so, you might want to draw something up. I gave in to a couple financial demands my AH made just to keep the peace. It is coming back to bite me - though I have a very good attorney who is minimizing the damage. When it comes to financial I've learned I really have to keep my heart out of decisions.

Pick-a-name

Keep the house and the ex in it; the way YOU want it. See an attorney that can tell you about specific. From the sounds of things, you may need it for yourself in the future. JMO

KEEP THE AH OUT OF IT!!!!! JMHO

Good luck!

megamysterioso

Irsh-- you know the more I read this and the more I think about it, it really upsets me! Haven't you compromised enough of yourself in this relationship???? DO NOT compromise your own financial security. Your house is your only asset all to yourself. You will need it to LIVE if something happens to your existing situation.

The sheer fact that AH's will is drawn up with his daughter as executor of the estate really burns my hide. Has he no consideration of you and your needs??? Don't sacrifice the only thing you have.

Jazzman

2nd marriages are tricky when there are separate assets, co-mingled assets and children/step children. When I married my ex, (2nd marriage) I figured it was fair to consider her as another heir of mine, including my two boys. Everything was to be split three ways. Her children were her and her 1st ex's responsibility just as my children were mine. If you live in an equitable distribution state his will means nothing if you contributed to the financial maintenance and well being of the current family and current home. I would consult an attorney if I were you.

It's hard enough to plan for the future even when you're NOT married to an active addict. Kinda throws a screw diver in the works!

IrshIzNotSmilin

Ok Denny, Mike, Mega, Pick, and Jazz... thanks. I think the idea about drawing something up with an attorney in the event of my death is a really good one. Thanks denny. I think all of you share alot of what is in my head. Mega I really feel my own burnt hide. Jazz gonna get to that attorney and Mike yeah and your right what I am dealing with is a person in their addiction and that is trying to reason with a wall. at least I won't feel like this anymore if I take your advice.