margo

Hi Tricia - I'm so glad to hear that you made it through your night okay. Please don't tear yourself down - you are stronger than you know. It is so easy to start to believe the terrible things that can be said to us - but don't you do it! If your husband can't look himself in the face, the easiest thing for him to do is to try and destroy your confidence and self esteem. We are all concerned for you, Tricia. We don't want you to be hurt. Although it may be very hard to face, it is true that your children are being affected by this too. I am one of 8 children and my father was abusive to my mother in every way. There were no resources available to my mom at that time and everyone, including the law, just looked the other way. It's not that way anymore, Tricia. Morning Glory has posted some excellent resources for you - please take a look at them. No-one has a right to hurt you - mentally, emotionally, or physically. Your friends advice, although most likely well-meant, is probably all that they know to say - if they haven't lived it, they can't understand it. Keep posting, Tricia, and let us know how you are doing, okay?

Love and hugs.

RedAPBT

((( hugs to you tricia )))

Reading your posts brought tears to my eyes...

You are truly not alone. Here is where I found a great group of both women and men who could relate to what I said and how I felt. Please keep posting.


MG - thank you for posting that information - I could have used that a few times in the past - and now I have it.

Katie

zoomer

Ugh, thanks for writing what you wrote, I have issues with my hubby and I just do not know what to think either. He is not a bad man, Iv had worse for sure,but he is getting on my nerves with his victom dance. Iv been blamed for everything under the sun about our finaces... I blew up last night at him because he was harping on the kids again. He chekcs on me all the time too. I'm not aloud to take a nap,so he calls to make sure I'm not sleeping. my kids go down for a nap, so why can't I? Everytime I go out, I feel gulty when I get home. The only thing I'm doing is shoping for the family and times I just need to get away! I feel trapped! Sure he says he is supportive,not! want to do things,but it will be more tiering for me when I get home and see the mess or hear about the fights,that I don't bother. Iv told him time and time again to go and talk to someone,but I do and then he feels he is the good guy because he does not need help. Ugh, I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill either on just basic human behvior,so I just have to think things through. Thanks you so much fr writing what you did. I need a good think!
Zoomer

Cajun girl

Welcome to our boards. You are definately not alone. My b/f is my A in my life and I find myself wondering what and if there is anything I can do to change and/or prevent a relapse. But one of the best things Al-Anon taught me through the 12 steps is to turn it over to my HP. The powerlessness of this disease and the insanity comes in many forms.

It is only through love and genuine concern that I must tell you that you must take action to stop the insanity going on with your family. The A won't when they are in the throes of their unmanageability. Pray and pursue peace.

zoomer

Hey thanks for your reply. Um yes my life is crazy,but I don't think it's dier. I like to think about things and not jump to extreams. I think part of finding out where you stand is by talking about things. My hubby does not beat the kids,but is like abig kid himself at times. I guess there are extream mesures for extreem sercomstances,but it'snot he case with me. it's more annoing than anything. I use to be an extreamest,but now am learning modiration in my approch in life. He is on his own because I asked him many times to go talk to even a friend just to get things out instead of holding in is resentments. I guess with Alanon I don;t know if I'm wrong or not, but is it not a program to talk about how you feel and then it makes the problems less powerless. Now, I don't think my hubby is stalking,but is acting childish because he wants to take a nap too or wants me to be as tired as him ya, i make him get up at nights at times to take care of the baby. Iv learned to be selfish in that respect. I get up withthe baby too because I feel it's both parents job to sholder the responcibility of child raising,plus I just want to make sure he is comfy. Thanks again for replying to me. I guess I should have post a thread that said just thinking.
Zoomer

Ann

Tricia

Your story breaks my heart, because I sense what a kind, decent and strong person you are and you don't deserve to be abused the way you are in any way.

You don't have to do anything right now, if you are not ready. But we often recommend putting a plan together, even if you never need to use it, but planning where you would go that would be safe, and what you would like to do with your life.

Put aside some money, and make sure that you can look after yourself if you need to. This planning will at least put a safety net in place for you.

And I would also suggest reading about codependency. A particularly good book is called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. This book clearly explains what codependency is and how to remove ourselves from being victims.

Sadly, it doesn't look like he is going to change any time soon, but there are things that you can do to change how you feel about yourself.

We are always here, anytime day or night, to share with and to support you and be your friend. Please feel safe here and free to talk about anything you want.

lyn_blossom78

Thanks for posting that information! Is there a way to sticky note that to the top, or is it already posted somewhere handy and I've just missed it? I just copied it into another program, just in case I need it myself someday soon....

Lyn

Kittycat

Tricia................
My husband never hit me but he mentally abused me...I think a beating would have been better. Your fear ringsof that kind of torture...and it is just that torture. I wound up with severe anxiety....You need to get help.....now..............you sound terrified.
I feel so badly for you
Love kitty

Josie

Tricia,
My heart goes out to you and your chil-
dren. I was in your shoes in my younger
days, and I know how utterly helpless
this feels. I am praying for you and your children, and I hope you can make a call or talk to someone.
There is a program tomorrow on Oprah
discussing these issues, and with the
men themselves. I think we should all
watch it.

((((HUGS TRICIA)))

devastated

Hello Morning Glory:

Thanks for referring to Pernell Johnson's play the "addictive Personality." Since I'm staring in it, I decided to print it and ask for a new part as I'm tired of the old one I've been playing.

You're a GEM!

Hugs, Devastated

distraughtmom

God bless you and keep safe.

The most important thing in your life is your children.

This is a sickness, hes not the man you used to know.

Keep coming back, you have friends here, friends that care.

Tricia

I am unable to come in here as much as I would like anymore, my husband went thru the computer and found the sight thru my email, needless to say he is very very angry!

from now on I will delete everything I recieve anymore, I am wondering how to go about getting out of this! I went thru a rough Fridaynight with his starting a fight over this to my being quiet and listening to him picking up my 2 year old boy and yelling at me and telling him that he should have been born from another woman!

Of course the only way for him to stop yelling was to put on his coat and hat and walk to the bar, to come home drunk to start all over again plus!

I was wondering how I can find a meeting, and if anyone has been inthe situation where you need to hide the evidence of your looking to leave. I can't have apartments call here and I can't change my account or anything till the day I walk out, because once I do there is no turning back, I don't trust restaining orders for I was already told no peice of paper could stop him and he won't go to jail for hitting me, if hes gonna go its gonna be for something else!

Right now things are quiet we are back in the I'm sorry mode and I didn't mean what I said mode and the I always hurt the one I love the most thing!! I am numb and no longer believing in my life here. I will try to keep everyone posted as to how things are,,, I just wanted to let you all know that I thank you for your help and I am praying for everyone to find happiness and love!! Thank you so much

Morning Glory

Tricia,

A restraining order will be very important and yes he will go to jail for hitting you.

I'm sorry you are going through so much. There are conselors at the domestic violence programs that can help you find another apartment. They can also help you get the restraining order. I think your husband will be dangerous when and if you leave him and you will really need all the help you can get.

Please be careful.

Hugs,
MG

journeygal

((((((Trish)))))))


Please please try and do all you can to keep you and your son safe. Get a plan together as soon as you can. We're all concerned for your safety.

Please take care of you!!!!

kate01

Tricia,

You have every right to be worried, and I think we'd all feel better if you are able to talk to someone at a domestic violence/restraining order clinic. There is usually a FREE one at the family courthouse near you.

And please don't think that a TRO won't help - besides, the volunteers there are often attorneys and even if they are not, they will be able to talk to you about everything you can do to protect yourself.

So I hope you can call your local DV/Restraining Order clinic or family court facilitator.

And I'm sending a big [hug] over to you. Stay strong,

kate

zoomer

hang In there! I can't tell you what to do I'm no exspert,but I do know what it is like being stuck in a no win situation. My first and for most thought is never ever leave your son to his care. Ha, I left my ex with just my clothes and notmy kids because I thought I was coming back. It is the most regretful thingI ever done. Trust yourself. Ha, my first advice is contact an attorney before you start any ball rolling. Paper work does not mean nothing if the guy wants to hit ya or if you are dead. Now there is also mean and there is also crazy witch one is he? Bullies can be handled, pyscos cannot.