Moved...continued
 

Such amazing advice from everyone since I left yesterday. When I got there to pick up the kids yesterday, he started in on wanting me to come home. He needed me there and he wants to help 'me' work on my issues so we can make this better. I told him that if he pressured me to make a decision right then, that it wasn't going to be good. That I have been there, asking for space and time and he's been pressuring me. I told him that when I am there, I am only consumed with guilt and his needs. That it wasn't fair to expect me to stay and NOT BE HAPPY- to make him happy. He did not like this what so ever! He listened peacefully, but didn't like it. He later called me to tell me he was sorry for upsetting me. This am, I've had 2 text messages, 3 emails and a phone call all before 7:30.

I am trying to hold strong to my ground. I have posted b4 about someone being interested in me for a long time and me blowing it off, and that that made me look at my life differently...how it was being lived w/ah. I have found myself thinking about that alot, and I think alot of guilt comes from that as well. Not that this is caused by that, but that it is the reason I will no longer accept my life this way. You know.

As for the gut feeling. It fools me sometimes. When he promised me that he wasn't going to drink...in my gut...I believed him. Last night when he was saying all those things.... I believed them. I believe that he has realized things now, considering we've never been through this b4, I believe he's seen his ways and that he was in a daze for all this time. BUT- IS HE GOING TO CHANGE? In my gut.... No, it's going to take to much work.

I have to tell you all Thank you so much for being so supportive and informative on things. I feel like I was so lost and just winging it b4 I found SR.
Ayers

Please don't let any feelings of guilt that you have stem from the other guy. You did not act on anything. As for that situation making you think differently, to me, that is completely understandable. When people are unhappy and they are able to peek in to someone else's happy life (whether that's real or not), it naturally raises questions. It raises the "what ifs" and forces you to question your own life. It makes you hope for change and shows you that there ARE other ways of living other than how you are currently living. I don't think you are wrong to want more out of your life and from your relationship. You DESERVE to be happy.

As far as his pressure is concerned, I hope he will back off soon. He is pressuring you so that he can get back into his comfort zone. You need to keep informing him that you will not be in your comfort zone if you go back right now. I told my AH, "if you cannot give me this time, you can do whatever you need to do" (meaning he could leave). If he is at all sincere about your relationship surviving, he MUST give you this time. You should really make that crystal clear to him. It is what you and the kids need.

HUGS to you Ayers and I wish I could somehow make this easier for you!