Will It Ever Get Any Better
 

The A in my family is my son.He is still living at home with my husband and I .My DH is an enabler and I'm at my wits end.My son is 28 and turns 29 next month.He's not working or paying child support for his son who is 8 years old.My grandson lives with his mother but my son has him on weekends.This is how things have been for the last couple of years and I've had enough.Why can't my husband see that he's only adding to the problem by allowing our son to continue on the path that he's taken?

hello, I was reading your story and can't help but feel total understanding , however , enabling your son is doing nothing but bad to him! He will never be able to stand on his own 2 feet. I detached in love with my bf and he is living at home as well. His parents are enablers and part of the problem, to me they are the biggest problem because he will never get help or change his life by being allowed to stay there and to continue doing what he is. I will never understand this. Maybe your husband reads this note I am typing or show it to him. He is wrong wrong wrong! and until he sees this your son will never make a step towards living his life on his own they way it should be and make healthy coices and changes. God Bless you!

Thank you for answering my post.A little while ago my husband called me from work.He said he was feeling very depressed.I know he doesn't like the situation here at home anymore than I do but until he realizes he is contributing to the problem we're at a stand still.I am so confused and don't know where to turn next.Once again thanks for your concern. ((Hugs))

(hug) of course everyone is depressed as it should be! Until this situation is dealt with in a healthy way it will get worse. Do you or your husband attend AlAnon? I know it is hard especially when you love someone. I love my bf so much and being pregnant with all these hormones flying around inside of me I feel so alone. It won't be easy but someone has to break this sad cycle. I wish my ex bf parents would break it and set him free once and for all. It has been hell for me to stay away trust me but I have to continue to for my baby as well as myself unless he gets some serious help but to get that he has to admit to the problem first and he has not, not that I know of because he doesen't even communicate with me at all. Trust your heart and your gut feeling and take a deep breath and do what you know has to be done! and than give it to your HP. Much love !

Faith

I have been through the same thing in the past with my son. It's no picnic having them live at home, and my son knows that I love him but that he can no longer live here.

Like you son, mine didn't work, or he would pretend to look for a job and not find anything. Eventually I talked to him and told him he had to find something, or get welfare, and find his own place.
I put a time limit on it and helped him look for a place. He found a clean , nice room in a decent house not too far from where I live. He was welcome to come for dinner if he was hungry, but the rest I left up to him.

Doing that helps them to learn to look after themselves, and it gives us our peaceful homes back. They are grown men now, and it's time for them to learn to look after themselves, however humbly.

Sending you my hugs and prayers. I know that right now is probably a horror show and I promise you that it can get better.

hi Faith
feel for you and relate.
seems like by your words most
of the problems are with you and
your husband not in agreement
can you communicate to your husband
on what you can both do to lighten
your load with your son. sounds pretty
bleak the way things are right now.
but, nothing changes if nothing changes !
I have often hear that expression here
and it has helped me to hear that.

Try to agree on the right cource of action

Hugs
liddy

I just want to say thanks to all who replied to my post.It really helps to know I am not alone. Bless you all ((Hugs))

There is help
 

Dear Friend,

I had the same situation with my mother. My sister is an alcoholic and my mother economicaly support her since I can remember. I would talked to her and the best times she will listen and stop for a day or too, but once my sister called, the check was one the way. Sometimes my mother called her to give her the check.

I asked my mother to go to an Alanon meeting with me, and we found a pamphlet called A Guide for the family of the alcoholic. After the meeting, we went to a restaurant and we read it together and to my surprise it worked! My mother is reading in a daily basis and she is determine to stop contributing to the alcoholism and let my sister face the consequences of her actions.

My prayers are with you and your family.

AlFriend