I think G is freaking out....

Old 03-07-2006, 07:30 AM
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I think G is freaking out....

It's been a few weeks after the incident with his arrest. We are still speaking at the moment. Not really in a romantic sort of way, more of my having his son sort of way. There have been alot of things going on with him though. Too many in my opinion and I'm a little nervous for him. He still says he's not going to drink. I know I've heard that before so I don't really believe it but he has been going to all the A.A. meetings. I'm shocked about that for starters. He actually seems on some levels to be enjoying going. He says they've been letting him do alot of speaking, and he's getting alot of things out that he's been holding in for ages. I say I think he's freaking out because there seems to be a whole slew of regrets pouring out of him right now. This started shortly before the incident by the way but seems to have gotten worse now. I don't think it's a bad thing for him to think about his past, and the way his life went but the problem is that he seems to be stuck there. It's like he's waiting for a rewind button. He's just thinking he's a major screw-up I guess. It's all about all the people he let down. There was also alot he finally admitted to me. Like how much he was actually drinking and that he's hurting now that he's not. He said after a couple of days without, his guts are hurting bad.

So now he's fixing things, trying to get his problems straightened out. Really he is! But I can't help get this feeling that he's trying to do it all too fast and he's going to overwhelm himself. It's like a chicken with the head cut off. Another thing I noticed is that sometimes his head seems a little....foggy for lack of a better word. Not like the alcohol fog, but more like he's just confused. Unorganized I guess.

I don't know if I even came close to describing how weird he's been lately. He claims it's because he finally realized he had to grow up and act his age. He says that's why he's thinking so much about what went wrong. I think, he's been acting like someone died. Mid-life crisis crossed my mind. Is that normal?
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Old 03-07-2006, 07:35 AM
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This will sound heartless, but I'm glad he's going through this. I think it's a great sign.

His sponsor will be able to work through this stuff with him. It's not your responsibility to monitor and direct his recovery, hon.
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Old 03-07-2006, 07:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Aquiana
But I can't help get this feeling that he's trying to do it all too fast and he's going to overwhelm himself. It's like a chicken with the head cut off.
I don't have anything wise to say, and I know I'm new here but I just HAD to respond to this part!

Right now, I'm going through the same thing in my life in regards to finding myself spiritually and this is a really good way to describe what *I'm* experiencing! Everything has become clear to me, and I'm really overwhelming myself with all that I need to learn and do! But I think the point to this is that it's normal for each and every individual to experience things on their own terms. Maybe he will learn to slow it down a little bit and take it one day at a time(like I'm trying to do), or maybe he won't. But whatever it takes for HIM to come to terms with what he's going through, let him. It might seem weird or even overwhelming to you, but I can say when you find something, and are really motivated by it, you can't help but be excited about it and want to overload yourself with all the knowledge you can get! That's how I feel today.

I probably made no sense, nor really helped out with anything wise to say, but again, I just had to say something, because the quoted part really describes me at this time.

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Old 03-07-2006, 07:49 AM
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Actually he sounds just about "normal" for where he is at in recovery time. It is OVERWHELMING when one fiirst gets off the booze. And yes the stomach and insides can physically hurt for weeks.

As far as the brain, well........that can take longer. All these mental images of all the screw ups and all the people one hurt and on and on and on come rushing to the fore, and then the emotions that one has absolutely no idea what to do with. I'm glad he has a sponsor and is going to meetings, this will help to keep him tethered in some sort of reality until the "fog" you said he has starts to lift.

That fog is also very common. One doesn't know if they are coming or going, what day it is, will they ever get through all this, how will they ever make all those amends, etc etc etc.

He may also reach a point where he feels like he is in thousands of little peices and is pulling them out of the air and trying to paste them back on himself. I went through about 2 months of that where I introduced myself at meetings as "Hi, I'm Scattered, and I'm an alcoholic." True story.

I can't speak for any other alkies, but let me tell for the first 6 months or so this alkie wasn't worth "chit." lol. I had all I could do to go to work, and go to meetings, and maybe coffee after the meetings. And my emotions were all over the place......Angry for no reason, laughing hysterically for no reason, crying,

Sounds to me like G is taking it seriously and you are doing the correct thing, yes talk about the baby and baby progress and baby probelms, and then stand back and watch him change, and grow and blossom.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),
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Old 03-07-2006, 07:58 AM
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Will he go to his doctor?

I'm sorry but I remeber thinking things were out of whack, I remember telling myself they weren't, I remember knowing really they were. I suppose the final clincher was the morning D came downstairs wearing a collared, button shirt inside out and would have gone to work with it that way had I finally not said something.

Thankfully by then he was seeing his doc!!

His gutrs hurt, he's negative about himself (more than you think is right), you describe what you see as a headless chicken!! If he's so hell bent on getting straight he might listen if you suggest a visit to his doc. If there's a mental health problem don't wait for him to figure that out!!
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Old 03-07-2006, 09:14 AM
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Thanks for the replys everyone!

Minnie, not heartless. I'm glad he is too. At least it shows he's thinking about what's happened. Not only that, but for once he's taking the responisbility for it, not blaming everyone else. It's funny because it's not like when you are talking to someone going through this and they kind of exaggerate how bad things are and you can tell them it's not that bad. With him it is that bad. He did royally screw things up no exaggeration necessary. I'm just hoping he separates that he DID screw up and not that he has to CONTINUE to screw things up. All I could say really was that 36 years of his life didn't go they way they could have, but he has possibly 60+ more that all he can do is make sure they don't go the same way. 36 years is a small chunk when you look at it that way.

The stuff with him being overwhelmed and the "fog" is bizarre to watch. It's like he quit drinking and started on drugs. Before anyone says maybe his is on drugs, he's not. He's always been an A with a strong opposition to drugs. It's kind of like watching someone with a tonne of focus, but yet no focus at all. He is doing the right things as far as fixing what needs to be fixed, I can't really explain much more than that because some of it really is his private business and it's not my business to say what it is, I just hope the drinking part is the priority.

Actually Equus, I think there is a mental health problem that's been there all along. I could always tell when the big binges were coming because he got in a "mood". Same mood as he's in now actually but the big difference is before our incident he just got in the mood and did nothing but feel sorry for himself. This is the first time he's actually doing something to fix all the stuff he felt sorry for rather than wallow in it till he drank himself stupid. I will try mentioning the doctor again. He's been in tears 4 times now this month and seriously, he's not a known dramatic!

I'm trying to stay out of all this but as you can see, I did get pulled in a bit. I'm trying not to pry, if he starts talking about it I listen and I guess I am guilty of a few suggestions but I'm really trying not to control what's going on. To his credit, he's not really asking me to "help" him either. He seems pretty content speaking about most of it at his meetings.
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