need to unload

Old 03-03-2006, 05:50 PM
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need to unload

hello hope i get a few answers my bf is an alcholic been with him almost 9 yrs. he is such a great guy when he's sober. he thinks he isnt an A because he only drinks beer and can go days even weeks without it. i ride his butt alot that he needs help which doesnt help. i been reading the boards and have learned alot. like how not to be his enabler. so i dont fight with or ride his butt like before this has been going on for about two weeks now. he has been drinking for the last three days, so today he was off work and didnt drink and informed me he was going to an AA meeting tonight. but the problem is i dont believe him. he has lied so many times before and he says he knows he has a problem with drinking but he is still not an A. is this a good sign? or is he just playing mind games again? i wont let myself have hope cause i know he could come home drunk tonight. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh anyone got any ideas? thanks linda GOD BLESS US ALL
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Old 03-03-2006, 10:37 PM
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If he doesn't truly believe he is an A, I don't think he would even consider going to an AA meeting. My husband readily admits he's an alcoholic and thinks that AA is the biggest joke on the planet. He thinks he can quit anytime he wants by gradually weening himself off.

Maybe the last three days of his drinking without you nagging him about it made him think a little. Maybe he is just going or lying about going to appease you. Has he ever made mention of AA before? I do understand how your trust in him has faded away so it is natural for you to doubt his sincerity. I guess you'll know when he gets home. Please post again and let us know what happened when he came home.
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Old 03-03-2006, 11:01 PM
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Yes, let us know, I am hopeing he went. We never know.
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Old 03-03-2006, 11:08 PM
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well he came home and said all the right things. like how he now knows he is an A what steps he must take that he's doing it for himself and not any of us. but i still aint holding my breathe, still not conviced he went or not. this is first time he has ever went to a meeting or even talked about it. who knows for sure but i played a great role tonight me and the kids didnt praise him and went on with our night as though it was any other night. also i told him that things wouldnt be same until he proved himself to me completely many months down the road. he didnt get mad and said he understood. but that he was willing to wait and prove he was getting the help he needs. i hope so. but will take it one day at a time min by min hour by hour day by day. thanks and GOD BLESS US ALL
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Old 03-04-2006, 03:33 AM
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Being an alcoholic myself, I have a hard time thinking that he went to a meeting out of the blue without you getting on his case about drinking unless he really is starting to see the problems his drinking is causing. I can totally understand how you are not holding your breath and that is good. If he wants to quit he can and if he is truly going to meetings he can learn how there. If this happens and he begins working a program then his actions should start speaking for themselves. In the meantime keep doing what you're doing. Take care of you and the kids and just wait and see where this all goes. It does sound promising but only time will tell.

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Old 03-04-2006, 02:44 PM
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hello again not sure how i am suppose to act around my bf now? it is sat. afternoon and he's been no where by himself. keeps telling me he really wants to change. says he's going to another meeting on tuesday night. should i bring up his drinking or just let things stand? do i just say nothing until he does? not sure what the next step is i did tell him it would take a long time for him to makeup for all the lies and hardship he has put us through. he says he's willing to do anything to make ours lives happy again. i guess i am just lost thought some feedback from SR will help. thanks linda
GOD BLESS US ALL
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Old 03-04-2006, 03:05 PM
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Encourage him, you say he's saying all the right things - let him know that. It won't mean losing any boundaries, it won't mean he's tricked you, he'd be tricking himslef far more.

I'm not suggetsing you change your life round it, or suddenly offer him the moon - but it's not going to hurt to say well done, or that your proud of him for facing up to it.
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Old 03-04-2006, 06:39 PM
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ok i will try that thanks for all the help linda
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Old 03-04-2006, 08:56 PM
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Yeah Linda, I agree with Equus. It would not hurt to give him some encouragement. I would not bend over backwards for him either, but let him know that you are happy that he's made this decision. All the best to you and I really hope he's serious about his recovery. He's made an excellent first step- one that my AH has been unwilling to take all his life. My AH will probably NEVER take this step.
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Old 03-05-2006, 12:29 PM
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i just wanted to give an update. day 3 and still sober bf seems to be doing ok with the withdrawls. to me he seems at peace for the first time in a very long time. still not getting my hope's up. so fsr so good. keeping myself busy tring not to think about it too much. linda GOD BLESS US ALL
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Old 03-07-2006, 09:24 PM
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hello just wanted to update on my abf. day 5 still not drinking he went to another AA meeting tonight and came so proud of himself. he stared reading the book he got tonight which really surprised me. been a great 5 days and i am so proud of him. but i also know that it could change at any time ( praying it dont ) i had really forgotten why i had got with him in the first place. he is such a great step-dad to my kids. please keep him in your prayers as i will all of you. thanks and GOD BLESS US ALL
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Old 03-07-2006, 09:31 PM
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I'm happy for you Linda. It sounds like he is off to a good start. I'm glad that there is at least a break for you from the chaos. Hopefully, this will be a brand new beginning of self-discovery for you both. All the best to you .
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Old 03-08-2006, 05:16 AM
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Thats Great tiggerg65, He may be on his way! Last Tuesday, my SO got to his 5th day (after he brought up the subject of his drinking and I told him he was an "A" and that I thought he needed rehab) and he told me he was going out for "a beer". He then pointed out to me that he hadn't drank for 5 days to prove that "he wasn't what I said he was" (couldnt even say the word alcoholic) and off he went. He is back to his 1/2 a fifth of whisky or vodka a night and going to the bar. *sigh*
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Old 03-08-2006, 01:27 PM
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tigger...Staying sober is extremely hard, but even if he slips he may get back to the program, as I have always heard that once you have been to AA it spoils the drinking.
I cannot remember have you tried Al-Anon??
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:19 AM
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still looking for an al-anon group in my area but i will keep looking till i find one thanks for all the support from everyone
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Old 03-10-2006, 09:27 PM
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just an update here day 7 still sober and 4 AA meetings. my bf seems like a new person has been happier than i've seen him in a long time. but its still in the back of my head that he could slip at any moment. but i am living one day at a time. tring to keep my hope's up but at the same time gauarding myself. i am so glad i found SR everyone has helped so much. linda
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Old 03-11-2006, 05:56 AM
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I'm glad to hear that he's hanging with it and that things are better for you. Hope you find an al-anon group soon as you can use the same support that he seems to be getting. We are not guaranteed tomorrow so my suggestion is to enjoy the better times while they last and keep looking for support for you. As you know, you cannot control him or his drinking, only he can do that and only if he has the willingness to do so. But you can control you and what you do for yourself. Are you reading any recovery books such as the ones by Melodie Beatty? I found Co-Dependent No More to be very helpful.

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Kellye
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Old 03-14-2006, 03:06 PM
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hello again update on my ABF day 12 still sober. he is tring so hard i am so proud of him but still alittle weary of him. not sure how long it will last but living moment by moment. he went to an old drinking buddies house over the weekend and told him he couldnt hang around him when he drinks. he told his friend that he is an alcoholic and was going to AA. his friend told that was great and he would like to go with him sometime, even though he says he not an alcoholic himself due to the fact he only drinks on tues. and sats. my bf came home and told me this and also said that he knows his friend is fooling himself. but that he only wants hhis life better and cant go around his friend anymore unless he's sober. i tell him i am proud of him everynight. things are great for now but still holding my breathe waiting for the next shoe to fall. i have not found an alaonn group close enough to me yet but still looking. thanks and GOD BLESS linda
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Old 03-14-2006, 03:20 PM
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Thanks for update, sounds good so far.
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Old 03-14-2006, 03:36 PM
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I hope your bf can keep it up, keep telling him how proud you are and all, that helps a lot. It seems to me as if he's really doing this for himself and not for you. At least I hope so.
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