elizabeth1979

Yes.
Good eye though!

megamysterioso

Oh yes Sunshine--- there will be drama!! And I can assure you that he will go right into that old discussion of how "you are being influenced by outside sources!" As someone else said on this board, who cares about the "outside"? How are you feeling on the inside??? Don't let his stupid pyschobabble deter you from the path to a better life.

I'm sooooo happy for you. Keep packing girl and hopefully, I'll be packing soon myself. If I had the resources, I'd be packing with you today . I'll get there as soon as I can though. Big hug to you and I'm smiling from ear to ear.

sunshine003

so what about when he asks about the packing? just say I'm leaving? ignore whatever comes next? he'll notice the boxes and if he doesn't, the kids will and they'll say something about it in front of him.

I'm starting to realize some stuff here. I reread a post minnie started about what's mine vs. what's his. I have been thinking about what ASpouse said about how this is about him, not me.

I realize that I have been making this about me. I have been carrying a burden that does not belong to me. he puts whether or not we'll stay together on me, as if it's all my decision. He makes the decision to lie and keep lying. I'm deciding to accept teh truth. The lie belongs to him, not me. The pain I'm in is because I feel so bad about facing the truth....not because the truth hurts, I've known it for a long time. It hurts because I've allowed myself to be torn and doubt myself. If there is no doubt then my mind then I shouldn't burden myself with this misdirected pain/confusion.

What's mine? Well the truth is mine. Therefore, my choice is to not stay in the lie. He can, I can't.

megamysterioso

Keep the clarity. I would avoid a big conflict in front of the kids by renting the room. That's just me.

LaTeeDa

That is the key. And it doesn't sound like it will be easy, either. Start preparing yourself for the biggest load of BS yet. If what he has given you so far is any indication, he is going to lay it on THICK. He will likely try to guilt you, manipulate you, shame you, well, only you know his tactics.

Remember--actions, not words. None of his words mean anything until they are backed up by action. And I don't mean immediate action, I'm talking about the long-term kind.

Stay strong. You are worth it!

L

sunshine003

you're right lateeda, I do know his tatics and they include all the the above. The worst one for me is when he tries to shame me. With things like, "You were just looking for a reason to leave" stuff. Or calling me a liar saying I make things up, etc.

I guess I need to face the fact that he isn't going to like me. I'll make my saying be "If that's how you feel then it sounds as if this decision is good for you too" and keep walking away.

sunshine003

ok, I started packing AND called to confirm that the people will be here friday morning to load the truck....they will be here friday morning.

Now, I just need to get through AH getting home and realizing we're moving........I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT! No turn arounds, no arguing, simple keeping to MY reality, not his.

pmaslan

Yes, you can do....you can absolutely do it...

minnie

((((sunshine)))

Sorry I haven't been around much today to be part of the cheerleading squad.

If you're anything like I was when I was moving, you'll be packing a bit, then coming here, packing another bit, coming here... It helped me enormously and my ex was across the Atlantic Ocean at the time!!

Please remember what I've told you - stay firm in your mind and don't rise to any bait that he throws out. He doesn't have to understand why you're doing this - only you do.

sunshine003

But as demented as he is, as twisted of a belief system as he obviously has, he certainly has to KNOW, somewhere in his mind WHY I'm doing it doesn't he? I have a bad case of the "butts" I see, LOL.....gets us nowhere.

I'll stand strong. I decided that once I start feeling bad when he begins to go on and on, THAT is the when I need to really be strong. THAT is when I really need to ignore and say NOT A WORD. You said it best minnie, "i've had enough." I'll say that and then stick to it.

"you have a right to your opinion" is all I will say in response no matter what button is pushed.

sunshine003

or how about, "whatever makes you feel better", there is a good one to whatever he says. No reaction other than "whatever makes you feel better".

minnie

I think I just kept repeating

"I've had enough"
"I've said all I have to say"
"You've had your chance"
"No".

He probably does know deep down. But he would lose too much face by admitting it. And even if he doesn't know, what does it matter?

I'm right beside you, hon.

sunshine003

thank you minnie, it really helps have you there. now if you could only go through it for me, I'd be set, LOL!!! or fast forward to a new healed me.

I will stick to those no matter what is said and I am reminding myself that when I start feeling bad and have that overwhelming need to "fix" his thoughts of the situation, it's time to just be quiet and let that feeling pass. THAT is when I get myself in trouble.

Cynay

I would have to ask myself drama for who?

Take the focus off him and just think about what you have to do for you to make it through this. The move is not about him and you dont have to let it become about him.

SO.... how is that packing going? Keep true to yourself and it will all work itself out.

pmaslan

Cynay is right....if it helps YOU to remove yourself and kids for the next few
days go for it.
This isn't easy for anyone no doubt, but prolonging the agony is excruciating.
I would leave at night if it were me, I don't care who considered it drama.

sunshine003

I'd rather not leave due to kids/school/etc. But, if I see it's headed towards major drama, I am going to remove myself from it and will leave each evening returning during work time hours until friday. Maybe, just maybe, he'll get mad and leave. Or maybe he'll say nothing. I guess I'll find out here very soon but I do have a few things packed for this very reason.

megamysterioso

Stick to your guns and be strong and do what's best for you at the time. "You've had enough." We're all here for you and know that when he's in the room with you.

escape artist

the only thing i could add to your exit it keep everything you say to him about YOU YOU YOU- just stick to speaking for yourself only- this is my choice, i have decided.... i don't want to live in this lie---whatever you do -don't point your finger at him or say anything about him to him -try to not say anything with the word "you" in it and you yourself will be fine. This is NOT about him -it is ALL ABOUT YOU! and your choices. let anything he tries to pull - ie. "you, you you"- just roll off your back and remember -don't REACT--just RESPOND by using your words speaking for yourself. I would send you my "chick bowl" if I could- it is very empowering- it is huge and all around the edges it has -you are strong! you are invincible! you can do anything!! and down inside it goes You Are Woman! (roar baby roar!) great way to start your day!

elizabeth1979

Just thinking of you, hope its going ok!

Tally

Good luck to you, hope everything works out for the best....you're very brave and my thoughts are with you

xxx