luvroses

I've posted previously of how my now ex abf and I broke up because he had told me he loves me, but was not in love with me.

Okay....so I had a few really bad days where I just basically sat on the couch and staired at the walls....was in so much shock that I couldn't even follow a tv program on tv. I loved him very much and still do. But, then, I started getting into action. This situation has shown me I am not as sick as I once was because I now had a support system and some tools to use to get me through. It still hurts, but I have started living life again....looking at things that make me happy, building my self-esteem, reaching out to people, doing things that are good for me, etc., etc. I'm not doing as bad as I had expected. (It's only been a week and a half, but I have been working on myself a lot.)

Now for the strange part......he has started showing up places that he knows where I will be at, but that he normally would not be at. He rides the bus a half hour to get there when there will be a similar place right up the street from where he lives. I did not invite him and am not so sure I really like that--the one thing has to do with my own recovery. He's also started calling more recently--kind of like he did when we were together. This is weird. I know I am going to have to deal with this because I do not want to get hurt again.....My head is just beginning to straighten out and it feels kind of good.

prodigal

Sounds as if he doesn't care for the fact that you are beginning to get along fine without him. Bottom line: he is dependent on you, whether it appears that way or not. Addicts generally tend to have real dependency issues. On the other hand, you have the right to tell him not to call you, email you, or show up in places you go to. If he continues, it is time for the red flags to go up because then it can turn into his stalking you. Been there, done that, and had a restraining order put on my ex.

You have the right to have an unlisted, non-published phone number. You can change your email address. I don't know if you can move, but if that's not feasible and he persists or escalates his calling and following you, by all means let him know you WILL get a restraining order and then follow through with it.

On the other hand, if he's just hanging around because he's lonely and dependent and he takes a polite "leave me alone" seriously, then I would say you can get on with your life and find someone you truly deserve.

quietsins

in my experience, when things were like that.. I had to look at him like he was contagious.

I stayed away from him because he made me sick. And the more I stayed away, the more he showed up. Because he was sick for the need to see me.

It was unhealthy upon unhealthy. I stayed away until I knew I was healthier. And I stayed away until I knew he was healthier. It took a very very long time. But it worked out in the end.

I know what you mean by the "accidental" meeting. For me it was part of his trying to guilt me into returning. But nothing ever changed. And trust me I was dumb enough to return more than a half dozen times before I learned.

I got sick. Real sick. Depressed, anxious, sad, emotional... and when I started to feel better,, it was almost like he had a sixth sense and was there all the time. I avoided him until I had a plan. What would I do if... and my therapist helped a whole lot with that.

good luck
quietsins

megamysterioso

I'm so glad you feel much better and you will get over this. Keep him at bay and don't let him suck you in. Trust me.