warriorprincess

I moved this from another post at someone's suggestion:

Oh so much of what has been said is making me want to cry my eyes out. I so get what everyone is saying. So much pain. I totally get the anti-depressant thing. Last summer my AH (now one month sober) suggested I take anti-depressants. I told him my life was the problem, and that pills would not change anything. He pushed so much I told him I would go to a psych and leave it in her hands. so i saw the psych, told her my story, and she said, "wow, you are obviously in a lot of pain". she said she thought i was borderline in needing the pills but said i could try them -- she put me on wellbutrin. the first dose didn't work and she upped it. the second dose worked, but my ears were ringing, i was nauseous, and it felt like i was on cruise control, like someone was trying to push my head underwater. the hard things didn't hurt as much, but the the happy times were flat, too. the only good thing is that i lost about 8 lbs! now things are hard again. found out about more financial deception in december and told him i wanted a divorce at the end of january. 3 days later he pulls what i call a "hail mary" and announces he's an alcoholic and that everything happened because he was sick and medicating himself with alcohol. now his month of sobriety is killing me, too, for some reason, and he and our marriage counselor are back at me to get on anti-depressants. now even i am so depressed that i am considering it, though i hate the idea.

i feel so alone. my mother is dead. i have a therapist and we are seeing a couples therapist. i have good friends and family to talk to. but there is still no answer, no justice. i am 38 and feel like i know less than when i was 20. what is wrong with me? is this what love is supposed to be? i thought love would be this shiny, pink thing, but mine looks more like a big mess tied with string and patched with duct tape.

i wish wish wish there was some movie i could watch of my life and pick the ending i want. my husband is basically a good man, and loves me, but the past years i have taken a toll on me -- i feel like a stretched out rubberband.

but what if i get out and it's no better?

i do not like this time in my life...

Pick-a-name

What have you got to loose by trying the medication? They (AD) can be live-saving, literally but you have to give them enough time to build up in your system (3-4 weeks I believe is average) and the drug and its dosage often have to be changed and fine-tuned to be effective.

My own suggestion.......could help you feel a whole lot better. If it doesn't, you can stop and know you tried. JMHO

Hope you feel better soon........that is a miserable feeling.

historyteach

(((warriorprincess)))
I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly...
I'm not a doctor, so I cannot advise you on whether you should take meds or not. I am on an anti depressant; my son is a heroin addict; my (now) ex a gambling addict. The stress created changes in my brain chemistry, and anti depressants help me.

If I may suggest though, something else. A book that was very helpful to me. It's called Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. It will help you determine what you own and what's his to own. And how to set boundaries. I think you will find it very helpful.
Also, another really helpful book was written by our own Ask The Expert mod, Mark Sichel. It's called Healing From Family Rifts and you can see it at www.marksichel.com I found it very helpful.

I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery.

Shalom!

robina

Anti-depressants can help get you through some tough times.

I was on meds for seven years.

There is help - and hope. Things might look dark now, but the sun will eventually come out from behind the clouds.

JessicaNAJ

I too suggest reading CoDependant no more....strongly.

I'm not sure why, but the vibe I get from reading your post is that your H is making you feel at fault for what his alcoholism has caused. I mean, why else would he tell you to get on anti-depressants...so the blame can be yours?

JMO...sorry if i'm way off base.

reader

Hi WP- I wouldn't hesitate to try another antidepressent. I bet I have been on 6-8 different types over the years until I found the right one for me. I always take it and realize how much my life and outlook have been improved by them. PM if u want to chat or ask ?s about meds. I am a nurse though I have been a stay out home now for awhile. Anyway I have tried most of them and the side effects vary widely. Keep ur chin up!!!!